10 Questions With – Page 2 – Urban Suburban Mommy

10 questions with Relationship and Parenting Coach & Counsellor Lauren Millman

Posted on April 27, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in 10 Questions With .

Being a parent is one of the toughest jobs in the world. Now try to be a parent and a spouse at the same time. Not sleeping, trying to manage a household – life can be spin out of control so quickly. Urban Suburban Mommy thought it was about time that we spoke to a relationship expert for tips and advice on how to manage life with kids. We are excited to share our 10 questions with parenting specialist Lauren Millman – we are sure you will find her answers to be very insightful.

1. What do you say to parents who are sleep deprived and are trying to be the most effective parent/partner?

We know that when we’re sleep deprived, we’re short-tempered, curt, and often very reactive, living in the ‘heat of the moment.” Let your kids know that your tired and short on patience, but that you’re going to try your best to be kind, level-headed, and responsive to them. Parents can use techniques like breathing in slowly and exhaling slowly to lower the sympathetic nervous system which will keep you in check and calm. I also recommend the smiling technique. We can trick the brain into thinking we’re ok and in control, even when we’re not, by placing a gentle smile upon our faces. Try yelling or being angry while smiling! See, it works!!!

2. What tips can you provide to help parents carve out me time or couple time?

Life is so busy these days, with working moms and dads, kids, extra-curricular activities, the busyness of being busy, and finding time for yourself, your significant other, or even a date-night, can be difficult at best. Arrange “couple time” or “me time” ahead of time. Sit down with your partner and review each others’ schedules in order to make time for one-on-one time for conversation and catch-up, and even a date night. Then, book it in, just like an appointment. By doing this, you can mentally and organizationally prepare-get a sitter, put the kids to bed, sneak a lunch with each other, and plan that date-night.

3. How do you help parents work out their frustrations with their kids or partners?

One of the biggest pitfalls of any relationship is the lack of outlets to express that frustration as well as the lack of effective communication. When we feel frustrated, we often escalate emotions, and feed into that frustration which, in the end, is counter-productive and ineffective to the goals we’re trying to reach. When you begin to feel frustrated, know that what your doing and identify that the way in which you are handling things isn’t working.Take a time out, re-group, compose yourself, and then move forward. When we’re frustrated we’re in fight or flight mode, and we’re reacting and not thinking clearly. It’s o.k. to take a step back, and wait. Disengage kindly and calmly until you can come back and lead by example. You can also write out your frustrations in a diary or notebook, wait, and then assess if you need to revisit the situation or if your frustrations have subsided. Pick your battles, right?! Calm does win the day. You will be able to express yourself in a dignified manner and save face. You are now able to give your child or your partner, the courtesy of a successful outcome too.

4. What advice do you give to moms who feel like they are failing and can’t manage everything?

You can’t manage everything. You may be able to for a short while, but eventually it can catch up with you in some not-so-nice ways: like feeling completely overwhelmed, anxious, panic-stricken, highly reactive, or even lashing out or yelling frequently. We can be Supermoms, but with balance. Ask for help. Accept help. Say no.

I learned that if I was going to be the best Mom, wife, and person to myself, I had to set limits. No one is judging you. You’re a busy mom. You’re not failing, you’re just taking on too much and you’re not a machine. Let yourself off the hook. You’re doing the best you can with what you have at this moment in time. It’s all temporary. And remember, you’re not supposed to manage everything. You’re supposed to love your kids, and enjoy them.

5. How important is “me” time and how often should it be taken?

If mom is happy, the kids are happy. “Me” time is critical for moms to recharge and reboot. I always tell my mom clients to make a date with yourself. Dads should do this too. Make a lunch date with your girlfriends, or go to a movie. You can even take yourself out for a nice walk, a Starbucks coffee, or buy yourself that favorite undergarment from Victoria’s Secret or that amazing lip gloss you’ve wanted. You’re not breaking the bank but rather, its about spending quality time with one of the most important, special and valuable people you know. You! But here’s the catch – No electronics!

6. Is there such a thing as “balance”?

I get asked this question all the time, and I always say yes, there can be, when and if you allow yourself the space to breathe and let some things go until later or tomorrow. The best thing to do is to map out your day, and structure your week from stat to finish. That means, create a schedule for you that works with your lifestyle and commitments, and get your older children and significant other involved. Of course, it’s easier to ask your partner to help out rather than your kids, because we are convinced they complete a task incorrectly. And to that, I always say, “So what!” So what if it’s not done the way you would do it? At least it’s getting done. Now you are able to get a little balance and free up your time.

7. At what age do you think that children are really affected by their parent’s behavior?

Babies as young 10 months are attuned to your tone and will respond accordingly. Sometimes babies will mirror behavior or will act still and quiet as they attempt to assess if their situation is safe or dangerous. We have to remember, as Adlerian Psychology explains, that children are hard-wired to emulate the behavior around them, kind of a monkey-see, monkey-do effect. When we raise our voices, yell, or scream, we’re giving license to our children to repeat the same behaviors. We can’t say that as a parent, we have different rules. Children are also wired to have their own buckets of power which are also filled with fairness, respect, and dignity. How you treat children will affect how they treat others, including you. Our job as parents is to empower. The best way to do this is lead by example in every way possible.

8. Why would you recommend counselling to parents?

When your current approach isn’t working, coaching and counselling for parents can be invaluable as it can help with learning new skills, strategies, and techniques. Counselling can help you get out of a rut when you find that no matter what you’re doing, the behavior just isn’t correctable. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of stepping out of your box and seeing a little bit of the forest, when you part the trees. Other times, it may be that mom and dad are having a hard time and those issues are interfering with successful parenting and the family dynamic. Counselling can help you deal and cope with issues and there are many in life.

9. Why is it important to ask for help?

The hardest thing to do is to ask for help, because when we do, we’re acknowledging that we can’t manage. That’s hard on the ego. I was there once too—it was so difficult for me to ask for help. But I did it. It saved everything, including my sanity and the health and wellness of my family. The nicest thing about asking for help is that it puts you ahead of everyone else who hasn’t. Now that you asked for help – the hardest part is over. Now you are halfway to achieving happiness, learning positive parenting skills, as well as effective and successful communication. All you need to do is pick up the phone or text a few characters. If you feel like your struggles are bigger than you, or getting the better of you, it’s OK and it’s time to ask for help.

10. How can counselling help families?

Coaching and counselling can bring families and individuals together so that the family dynamic is harmonious, happy, and everyone learns how to get along. In counselling, families are made aware of what the rules and expectations are, what the negotiables and non-negotiables are, and how everyone can work toward the common goal of happy. No family is perfect, and there will most certainly be ups, downs, challenges and pit falls. But armed with the right tools, and the “know-how” about how to handle these situations when they arise, counselling can ensure a family dynamic that is kind, calm, thoughtful, and happy.

About Lauren Millman

In practice for over 12 years, Lauren Millman is a highly sought-after Toronto Marriage & Relationship Coach and Counsellor, Mental Health Practitioner and Parenting Specialist, and is a member of the Ontario Association for Family Mediation. Lauren is a regular guest contributor on TV’s Rogers Daytime! York Region, and The Mediation Station. She has also been a guest on SiriusXM Radio Canada. Lauren is an international best- selling author, writes regularly for several online publications including Brazenwoman, PinkandBlue North America, and SiriusXM Canada, and was recently featured in the Toronto Star. Lauren continuously gives back to the community. In 2014, Lauren was the Recipient of the International Women In Leadership Award.

10 Questions with a sleep consultant

Posted on March 28, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in 10 Questions With .

Exhaustion is any parent’s number one problem. Getting up with baby, being woken multiple times a night by poor sleepers – if they don’t sleep, we don’t sleep! But how do you get the kids to get a full night’s sleep so that you can get yourself some decent shut-eye too? Urban Suburban Mommy caught up with Camille Gemmell, WeeSleep Certified Infant Toddler Sleep Consultant, to ask the questions you know you want to know about sleep training.

1. At what age can you start sleep coaching a child? Is there an age at which it’s too late to sleep train?

It is best to teach your child healthy sleep habits when the parent is ready to. We work with newborns to work on sleep “shaping” skills to start great habits right from day 1, however, most of our clients hire us after the 4 month mark. And we have seen babies sleep 10 to 12 hours straight a night at 4 months, provided they are a healthy weight! We work with babies and toddlers of all ages, it’s never too late to change sleep habits.

2. Are bad sleep habits habitual? Is it a cycle that has to be broken?

Sleep habits can be habitual, or maybe something that started and couldn’t be stopped. New moms and dads are not taught these skills when they are preparing for their little one’s arrival, or they could be on their second or third child and they have completely different needs. When a plan is implemented and followed, any habits can be changed and is personalized for the baby and the family.

3. How long does it take to sleep train a child?

It depends. Every child is different. And every program, book, website has different advice. When WeeSleep works with families, your child will be sleeping through the night and falling asleep on their own for naps and nighttime within 10 days.

4. What should parents expect when sleep coaching and what do they have to commit to?

Committing to the process, working with their consultant and following the plan. We ask clients to clear their schedule for 10 days while they work with us so they are not thrown off or confusing their baby with social events or scheduling and routines that are not conducive to healthy sleep.

5. How do you manage more than one child waking up? Or an older child who wakes up their younger sibling? (this is one of my sleep issues)

All situations are different, and many factors can come into play:
Do they have separate rooms?
What is the age gap?
What do the nighttime routines look like for each child and how do they fall asleep?

We work with families that have more than 1 child all the time. There are ways to honour say, a youngest child’s sleep while the also looking after the older child’s scheduling needs, activities, events, school drives etc.

And if you have 2 children who need sleep help, we can sort both of the separate habits out so the whole family gets healthy sleep!

6. What if I child becomes ill – do you have to retrain?

If your child becomes ill and they have learned to sleep, they should be able to get through illness without reverting back to old sleep habits. We teach our clients how to keep things on track when their baby is ill, all while giving them the cuddles and the attention they require during that time.

7. What are the 3 biggest problems that you see when trying to help families with sleep?

Parents have no routines in place for naps or bedtime – or both
Baby depends on something for sleep – rocking or feeding for example
Scheduling is not where it should be at

8. Most parents think that sleep coaching involves the “Cry it Out” method. Do you use this method, and is this true?

Our methods are gentle, and as loving as possible to get your child to fall asleep on their own. Every child is going to protest. There is NO way around it. However, when the protesting is managed properly and in a gentle, loving way, it will go away quickly. We educate our clients on why things are happening, and help guide you so your baby is always comfortable – and you as well! One of the biggest gifts you can give your child is the ability to fall asleep on their own, and this will last a lifetime.

9. Can every child sleep through the night, or are there some children that are just hardwired not to sleep well?

Every child can sleep through the night at a certain age and weight, and if they are healthy. When a child is set up for sleep success and parents are consistent and help guide their child properly, then absolutely they can rock a full night sleep! Everybody requires sleep and nobody is hardwired not to need sleep.

10. What do you say to parents who accept the fact that they do not sleep?

Everyone has different beliefs on what they should or should not do when it comes to sleep. It is 100% a personal choice.

Camille Gemmell is a mom whose life changed once she’d given her own child the gift of sleep – it’s why she chose to become a Sleep Consultant. She is passionate about helping others about get the sleep we need for our health, body and mind. As a Certified Infant Toddler Sleep Consultant she provides parents with the tools and support they need to get their little one napping during the day and sleeping through the night so that they gain more “awake” time to enjoy every moment with their little one and keep them healthy and happy!

www.weesleep.ca

WeeSleepGTA

10 questions with a professional children’s portrait photographer

Posted on March 3, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in 10 Questions With .

Family portraits and professional pictures of the kids are something most families do eventually. Whether you have yours done annually, or will just do them once, there are a few things you’ll want to know to make sure your portrait session goes great and those pictures are the ones that will capture the best of your little babes. We caught up with Jaime, of Jaime Fleming Photography, a professional portrait photographer and mother of 2, to ask the questions you know you want to know.

1. How long should I expect a session to take with 2 kids?

Photo by Jaime Fleming Photography

I always block out a 2 hour window for my sessions and don’t put anything super important directly behind a session involving children or babies. Most kids can’t last the full 2 hours – many, not even close. But there are times when it takes a bit of time to get the session rolling. The entire experience is new to them: new location, new clothes, new lady with a weird gadget she keeps holding up to her face. And on top of that, mom and dad are acting weird today!

It may take some to get the kiddos to warm up to the photographer before a camera should be shoved in their face. Sometimes kids are cranky or an unexpected feeding for little ones needs to take place before any shooting can begin. And that’s ok. A good photograher is going to have slotted enough time to work through these typical delays. Parents shouldn’t feel rushed to get their kids to cooperate or be made to feel guilty when things get tough. It’s ok. It’s expected. Plan ahead for it and stay calm. You’ll have plenty of time.

That all being said, when working with children, it is usually pretty obvious when they reach the “done” point.

2. Should I bring props, stuffies/lovies/food bribes?

I’m typically a “less is more” person. But if there is a special something you want included in your photos, by all means bring it. If there are items that help motivate your child – like a movie or blankie, sure, bring it. I wouldn’t bust out those attachment items right out of the gate, though. They could become a hindrance if they won’t give them up. For toddlers, bubbles are a great way to hold their attention and keep them somewhat in one place for 3 seconds. Plus, I like the type of photos where families are interacting and having a good time together over a stuffy posed portrait. Basically, bring anything you’d like – just know that it may end up in the photos.

3. Should the kids be all matchy-matchy or best outfit? How do you recommend they dress?

My personal preference is for each person in the photo to be dressed for their own body. It’s probably a good idea to have a little bit of coordination of some sort, even if it’s just colors that look nice together. But in general, I don’t care for the super matchy-matchy look. I like mix and match colors and patterns, and a little individual style to show.

4. Are there any colours that shoot better than others or ones to be avoided?

Photo by Jaime Fleming Photography

I usually suggest to my clients to choose anything but white. White washes a lot of people out and often looks distracting as it becomes the bright spot in the image. Our eye is naturally drawn to the bightest spot in the image, so ideally that should be the face. I like to stay away from white on clients unless we are intentionally doing a white on white type set up.

5. What’s best for location? Studio, home or outdoors?

This is a very photographer specific question. Know your photographer’s ability and style before committing to them as a client. Make sure the look you want is something they offer and do well. If you want nice polished studio shots, it’s probably not ideal to hit up the photographer who markets herself as a natural light photographer. I personally love on-location outdoor sessions because children get the opportunity to move around and explore and some really nice shots can come from that.

6. Why is there a fee for a sitting and another fee for images?

Despite common belief, “taking pictures” is a lot more involved than just clicking a button on a cheap, auto-mode camera from a big box store and running a filter from a web based editor in all the images. And also despite common belief, there are a TON of expenses that photographers have to cover – not just that 19 cent print cost you see advertised at the local drugstore kiosk. Running a photography business takes a lot of time. A lot of time. And there are many costs involved that most people don’t even think about. So yes, a custom photo experience can get pricey. But what you get out of it is so very worth it!

7. Can I just buy a disk and print my own pictures?

Photo by Jaime Fleming Photography

There are some photographers that are totally ok with this. Some have tailored their business around the “Shoot-n-Burn” concept. Others are a lot more protective of their images. In my case, I typically don’t offer a disk of printable images. I like to maintain control over the quality of the images attached to my name. I also like to maintain the copyright to my images, and depending on where a client chooses to upload and print, that copyright can be compromised. Check with your photographer before booking to make sure they offer digital images if this is something that is important to you.

8. What time of day is best to shoot with kids?

The best time to shoot is whenever your kid is happy! I like to plan sessions with kiddos around their eat/sleep schedule. Most parents can tell me instantly when their kid is typically cranky, so let’s avoid those times.

9. What can you fix in Photoshop – what’s not fixable?

Going back to that idea that photography and photo processing take a a TON of time, pretty much anything IS possible in Photoshop. It’s a wonderful tool with seemingly endless options. But every little edit takes time. Some of those fixes that don’t seem like such a big deal cause a lot of frustration. Ideally, we want to get the shot as close to perfect as possible in camera.

Of course, working with children adds an extra hurdle – or fifty. It’s a judgement call that day: What am I willing to try to fix here on the scene, knowing I could end up missing shots to come because the kids get cranky, and what am I willing to overlook here and now, and just deal with it in Photoshop? I play the trade-off game in my head and overlook what needs to be overlooked. Just don’t do what one client did to me and tell your photographer that you are only going to wear one solid polo shirt through the entire session and then expect me the photographer to change the colors of the shirt in Photoshop. Ha! I laughed so hard. Just change your shirt, dude.

10. What can I do to ensure you get the best results out of my kids on camera – feed them? bring food? Don’t feed them right before?

Fed kids are happy kids. We want happy kids. Fill them up. Bring snacks if they are motivated by foods. If we are talking infants, get a good feeding in right before you get there and bring a bottle or be prepared to have a nursing session or two on the spot. I really really don’t mind if we have to wait to get a baby fed. I’d much rather get the baby filled up and happy than do 100 little short attempts to appease them with a brief feeding. Happy kids make happy photos. That’s our goal.

@JaiFlemingPhoto

Jaime Fleming Photography

10 Questions with a Nanny Agency

Posted on February 25, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in 10 Questions With .

As working parents, finding the right childcare is one of the hardest things to do. I myself struggled with the thought of hiring a nanny for my children. I just didn’t feel comfortable handing off my kids to a complete stranger.

But, as mompreneur with no mat leave, I had little choice. I absolutely wouldn’t leave my 2 week old at a daycare centre. In fact, I think most daycares will not take care of a child, unless he or she is at least 6 to 8 weeks old. Hiring a nanny was the best thing that I could have done for my family…in fact, now she is part of the family.

Urban Suburban Mommy spoke to Rebecca Barlow, founder of Bella Bambino Nannies to ask the questions you know you want to know considering a nanny for hire.

1. What is the first thing you say to a family who is overwhelmed by trying to find a nanny?

The first thing I always do when speaking with a new client is to let them know that I totally understand what they are going through. I am a mother of 4 children myself ages 13 (twins) 5 and 3. I have had to hire several nannies in the past, and still employ a full time nanny.

I live in the same world as my clientele – I am a busy working mom who struggles to balance career and family. I know how hard it is to find and hire a nanny that resonates with you, and who you feel totally comfortable with! Most of the time I wind up being friends with my clients because we totally bond over our similarities. I also relate to my clients who are single moms as I was widowed only 8 weeks after my 3rd son’s birth and was a single mom of 3 for awhile. That experience gave me a whole new appreciation for single parents. My clients with special needs children also feel very comfortable working with me as my 5 year old son is autistic, so I have that experience in my life as well.

2. Why should families consider using an agency vs. trying to find a nanny on their own?

Using Craigslist or an online nanny finding service is dangerous and super difficult! Its literally like searching for a needle in a haystack. The background checks are not thorough and you have no idea who you are meeting. It is so scary to me, I cannot stress enough how important it is to pay a fee to a reputable service to screen and background check candidates for you. These are your children, they are the most important things in your life and this is not the time to try to save a few dollars. When you use a reputable service, you know every nanny has been rigorously screened, background checked and referenced before you even speak to them.

3. How do you match families with the right nanny?

Having been in this industry for 15 years I have great intuition when matching families and nannies. I really get to know my clients before contacting nannies for them. Normally, after an initial conversation with a client, I will think of 2 or 3 candidates who I think will be a great fit. My staff and I then put together a comprehensive job description which we share with select candidates. Once a candidate has expressed interest, we forward their resume and highlights to the family. We arrange all interviews between the candidate and family as well as coordinate trial days and work contracts. By the time you hire a nanny from us, you’ve trialed with the candidate and you are 100% sure this is a great fit. (We are so confident in our matchmaking abilities, we even guarantee the placement for an entire year!)

4. What are the benefits of a nanny vs. a babysitter or daycare?

Hiring an in home nanny is far superior to daycare as it almost totally eliminates the risk of baby coming home with the “illness du jour” from daycare. It is also so much more convenient to have someone who not only loves and adores your child, but who also can help with managing your household and running errands, organizing, etc.

5. Nannies can be costly. Why are they worth the spend?

100%! When you find the right nanny, life is so much more manageable! You can focus your attention on work or other pursuits knowing your child/children are in amazing hands. Its the best feeling, like gaining a new family member.

6. How do you screen nannies?

Our screening process is highly stringent. We meet each candidate in person for 1 to 2 hours and ask a plethora of questions pertaining to the candidate’s childcare knowledge. No one comes in to fill out an application, they complete their paper work prior to meeting us so our face to face is all about getting to know the nanny on a deeper level.

We check and verify all references as well as run a full criminal background check in every state of residence for 10+ years. California candidates are also enrolled in Trustline, which is a fingerprint registry with the state of CA. We also verify social security number and run driving records.

7. What are the most important questions to ask a nanny?

Ask the nanny what they like about being a nanny.
Ask them how they would structure an entire day with your child.
Ask what types of age-appropriate activities they would plan for your child or children.
Ask about the Denny’s education level and whether they are CPR trained.
Ask about their last position and why they left.
Ask if you can contact their last employer for a reference.

A lot of these things will have been already asked to the candidate if you’re utilizing a good agency, but it’s always a great idea for the parents to ask these questions as well, so that you can gauge the nanny candidate’s response.

Another great thing to do is interview the nanny with your children present and see if she pays any attention to them. When I started my company I often had my newborn twins with me when I was interviewing potential nanny candidate for my clients. Any nanny who ignored my infants was immediately put in the do not call again file. Good nannies will pay attention to the children and you will see how much they love children by the way they interact with your child.

8. How do you advise negotiating salaries with a nanny?

If you’re working with a great agency you will already know what the going rate is in your area and what you should be offering, salarywise. You never want to pay below market because your nanny will always be looking out for the next best thing. The best advice would be to ask the agency you’re working with what the going rate is in your area and stick within that range. This will ensure you find and keep the best nanny possible. You will also want to be consistent with the number of hours you offer each week, as professional nannies always need their pay to be consistent.

9. Are there red flags that a family should be aware of with a potential nanny?

Trust your intuition. If something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t right. If the nanny is not making eye contact or seems extremely nervous, she may be hiding something. If the nanny does not pay attention to your children during the interview there’s a good chance they are simply looking for a job and not someone who is truly in this for the love of children. Talk to your nanny agency if you have any concerns regarding the candidate. Ask for the agencies advice on how to approach things that may make you feel uncomfortable.

10. What are the benefits of a live-in vs. live-out nanny?

A live out nanny will work a set schedule for example Monday through Friday 9 AM to 5 PM. A live-in will be a bit more flexible, but still will require time off. The benefits of a live in nanny are obviously you have a little more flexibility with the hours and having someone in your home more often to help you should things come up. Live in nannies will typically work for about $2 less per hour than what a live out nanny would work for, so there is a little bit of a financial benefit as well.

Bella Bambino Nannies bellabambinonannies.com founder Rebecca Barlow

Bella Bambino Nannies was founded in 2002 by Rebecca Barlow. As a former nanny and working mother of 4, Rebecca understands the challenges parents face when seeking in home childcare for precious little ones.

10 Questions with personal trainer Brent Bishop

Posted on February 17, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in 10 Questions With .

You know you want to, but you just don’t know how. It’s not as easy now as it was when we were in our teens and 20s. For some reason, at 40, the pounds start to stick in all the wrong places, and they’re more stubborn than we remember them being. So we caught up with personal trainer Brent Bishop, owner of Think Fitness Studios, where in addition to regular training, they offer specialized ‘Mom and Baby classes. We asked him the questions you know you want to know about about working out and getting into shape.

Brent at Think Fitness Studios

1. Why are people so unmotivated to work out?

This all comes down to a lack of inspiration. Motivation and inspiration are two different things – you need to be inspired first. You can’t maintain motivation without inspiration. The best place to start is to choose activities that inspire you. An exercise program must be interest-driven in order to be successful.

2. How do you inspire people to get physical?

I find out what their interests are, what they have enjoyed in the past – sports they may have played or maybe what they have always wanted to try. Starting with interests creates momentum.

3. What exercises can moms and dads do in their livingroom every day?

There are so many exercises you can do without leaving the comfort of your own living room. Some examples would be lunges, abdominal planks, squats – even using your couch or chair for push ups and triceps dips can be effective. Creating a circuit of 3 to 5 of these exercises and completing 2 to 3 sets can help you keep fit while being very time efficient.

4. Can you recommend any exercises or physical activity you can do with babies?

There are many. A lot of this comes to creativity (and of course safety). At my fitness centre, Think Fitness Studios, we have 15 ‘Mom & Baby’ classes per week that expose participants to a great array of effective exercises such as lunges with baby, squat press (pressing your baby in the air as you come out of a squat) and trunk rotations (sitting on the ground while twisting side to side with baby in hand). Not only are these great for fitness but also allow for some great bonding time with your little one.

Doing lunges, pressing his son – that’s the daddy workout way!

5. What are your thoughts about working out with your kids?

Everyone should workout with their kids, or have their kids involved somehow. My weekend ritual is to take my 3 1/2 year old with me to the gym where I get my workout in, and involve him in some of my exercises. What’s great about this is that exercise becomes ‘the norm’ for him due to this early and consistent exposure. Later we go to the park , run around and play some active games together. Fitness is absolutely essential for the health and development of our children.

6. How important is diet?

What you eat plays an very large role in your health. There is so much to be said about this. Developing good eating habits can make an enormous impact for weight loss, energy levels, disease prevention and overall health. For fitness results, diet is about 80% of the picture. What you eat impacts your body’s ability to metabolize calories, recover post-exercise and your energy levels for the next day.

7. Do you have to go to or belong to a gym to get a good workout?

If the gym is not you’re thing, don’t sweat it. You don’t need a gym to get great results. There are some many exercises you can do at home our outdoors that provide variety and yield results. In addition, there are many programs that you can follow to provide program direction. One program I’m involved in allows you to access effective workouts anywhere, on your phone, computer or TV – it’s called Evolve Function Fitness (evolvefunctionalfitness.com) and the great thing is, you don’t need any equipment – just your own body.

8. Why do you love being a personal trainer?

I feel I was born to help people achieve and I’ve always loved being physically active. Being a personal trainer allows me to utilize my passion to help people tap into their inner athlete.

9. Best part about being a dad?

One of the best parts of being a dad is the new perspective it gives you on life and what’s really important. Also, being a dad really allows you to realize just how much influence you have on the development of your child. There’s nothing like hearing my son’s little voice and having him hug me.

10. Your favourite way to workout?

I really like variety when I workout so I would say for in the gym, I love functional strength training with weights, particularly full body movements with barbells. In saying this, one of my favourite modes of exercise is running – particularly trail running, where I am far away from the hustle of the city and taking in fresh air.

Brent Bishop is an on-air fitness expert, lifestyle host, and celebrity trainer. He is the owner of Think Fitness Studios, a performance-inspired, boutique personal training centre in Toronto. Bishop is an on-air Fitness Expert on national television, Functional Fitness Host of the series Body Fuel, author of The Think Factor and the male Fitness Brand Ambassador for New Balance Canada. Brent has made several media appearances on North American networks including KTLA, WFLA Daytime, Global TV, CTV and CityTV to name a few. Additionally, Bishop is a regular contributor to numerous print media such as Best Health Magazine, Canadian Health and Lifestyle, Inside Fitness, Fitness Business Canada, Canadian Living and Sweat Equity Magazine.

Twitter: @I_AmBishop

10 Questions with a matchmaker about getting mama back into the dating scene

Posted on February 10, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in 10 Questions With .

We caught up with professional matchmaker Anne Marshall, the owner of Junia Matchmaking services – junia.ca. Anne helps people improve their dating profiles and helps them find love. We know the dating scene has changed a lot since we were in our college days, and with kids in tow and a career, household, bills, and all of the other fun that comes with adulthood, love and romance can take a backburner. But mama’s got needs, and getting back into the dating scene can be hard, so we asked this matchmaker the things you know you want to know about getting back into the dating scene.

photo: Natesh Ramasamy

1. How long should you wait after a breakup to get back into dating?

There’s no set formula for determining whether you’re ready – it’s really a matter of feeling like you are. However, a smart person I know once told me (after the breakup of my 8-year relationship) that I could expect to grieve about one month for every year we were together.

I have no idea what her inspiration for saying this was – I’ve actually looked to back it up, and found no source – but it turned out to be very true in my case. Since then I’ve noted similar patterns with shorter relationships (1 month together equals 1 week of feeling bad after being dumped).

In instances where you were the one who instigated the breakup, of course, these timelines might look very different. It’s also important to have an idea of what kind of relationship you’re seeking when you start dating again. Some are looking for more serious commitments than others. I definitely wouldn’t advise going straight after the Next Big Love, in any case. Take some time to enjoy the process of dating, and being single while it lasts.

photo: Jim Bauer

2. “The dating scene has changed since I was last in it” or “I was with my ex since high school, I’ve never been out in the dating scene” are 2 very common concerns, how do you address these concerns?

Even if you were last in the dating scene three months ago, it has always changed.

I think the worry that you’re doing it wrong is pretty universal. When it comes to online dating, which is probably the most popular way for people who have had children to put themselves out there again, you really have to take a few hours to learn the ins and outs of a particular website that they want to use.

I mean, if your grandfather’s on Facebook and your Aunt Helen has an Instagram, there’s no excuse. These are platforms that anyone can navigate if they really take the time to explore and learn. Go through the entire tutorial and save yourself months of frustration! But many people won’t bother, or fear the technology for whatever reason and just have convinced themselves that they can’t do it. So I run an event a few times a year called the Modern Dating Boot Camp, in which I basically school people in the best practices of navigating online dating in general, and them some of the more popular dating websites. If they attend that session and they still find they can’t or don’t want to do it for themselves, then they hire me. I also have to recommend a great book published last year: Modern Romance, by the comedian Aziz Ansari. It’s hilarious, and absolutely full of good advice for those who might be feeling overwhelmed at the thought of dating again.

3. Is online dating really safe?

I believe that it’s no less safe than “traditional” dating, which means it’s as safe as you can make it. There was a story in Vanity Fair about a female producer from NBC News, who was romantically duped and financially defrauded by a so-called “celebrity surgeon.” He made an utter fool of her and there were many red flags along the way, but even a woman as accomplished as this, with a hard nose for news, failed to follow the basics.

Here’s one: don’t deliberately seek a relationship with anyone who lives more than about an hour away. Why would you? Don’t give anyone big gifts of money, or pay for them to come and visit you with your credit card. If someone says he’s the Pope’s best friend, don’t believe him! Keep your spidey senses intact, and follow the basic rules of common sense: don’t date long distance, and don’t give away your money or your ID, and you’ll be fine.

4. I’ve met someone. How long should I wait to jump in the sack (a momma still has needs!)?

This is tough. It’s a personal choice, and there is no correct (or incorrect) response.

I know of many good, lasting relationships that began as nights of passion; I also know that many people would need to really know and trust someone before getting it on, no matter how long it’s been. But in my experience, anywhere from the 3rd to the 6th date tends to be the norm for people in their 30s, 40s and 50s, who form the bulk of my clientele. If the issue hadn’t at least been raised in conversation at that point, I’d suggest that’s the time to put it on the table.

photo: Javier Delgado

5. Do people really get tested still?

People do get tested, but I’d say that it’s not something that is talked about in online dating profiles the way it was once listed in the personals at the back of NOW magazine. “Drug and disease free” is one of those phrases that, when I encounter it online, almost immediately tells me that this individual has been “out of the game” for some time. It’s dated. I hate to say it, but the public conversation about STIs has really stopped ever since HIV became a treatable chronic condition rather than a death sentence. However, it’s definitely conversation that still takes place in private. I recommend bringing it up once you’re ready to move beyond the kissing stage. The truth is that every single STI is treatable, and many, if treated, can no longer be communicated, so it shouldn’t a conversation to fear. It’s only a bad conversation if you have to divulge things after the fact. So get tested, get treated (if necessary), and be okay with asking. If they haven’t been tested recently, then use a condom.

6. How long should I wait to introduce my new love interest to my kids?

Another tough one, and very personal. I think if you’re someone to whom the idea of dating is a very big deal, then you should wait until you’ve been seeing the person for several months. In that scenario, I think you’d want to have at least a couple conversations about your expectations for the way they’re going to interact with your kids, and how they will be introduced.

That intoxicating first rush of a new love can sometimes blind you to a person’s faults, and if you meet a guy who later falls out of favour, you may regret having brought him into the situation for any number of reasons. But if your children regularly interact with your adult world, if they know your friends and your co-workers, then someone you’re dating is just another friend in the beginning. It won’t be a big deal to the kids unless you make it a big deal, so that’s what you really need to watch out for.

7. What are the pitfalls of getting back in the game when you have kids?

Underselling yourself is a problem. It’s unfortunate, but a lot of newly single parents feel their chances of finding romance are reduced simply because they have children. People will settle for the first person who expresses an interest, rather than being discerning and recognizing that they have a lot more options than they might think.

I can tell you from my own personal experience that I was never more popular in my life when I put myself out there after splitting with my son’s father. To the right sort of person, having kids is not the obstacle people think it is, particularly not online. Women right now have a better chance at finding love after kids than any time in history, yet there’s this sense of desperation that results in poor decision-making.

8. What are red flags to look for when starting to connect with someone new?

Online, the number one red flag for me is distance. If someone’s living in the Arctic Circle then sure, it’s probably advisable for them to cast as wide a net as possible geographically. But if you’re living in the GTA and getting inquiries from people in Florida, or Germany, or even Montreal, you should ask yourself why they’d be reaching out to you. I mean, we’re all special, but no stranger is 2000-miles-away special. I’d be questioning the motives of someone who wanted to begin a relationship on those terms.

Another warning sign is no profile pic. As I always tell my clients who are reluctant to post a photo, nothing screams “I’m married!” quite like the lack of a picture. If you’re worried about being recognized by someone you know, my response to that is, well what were they doing looking at a dating site? It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, but it’s also not the kind of thing people call each other out on, in my experience.

Other, more general things I’d be wary of include someone who never seems to bring up the next date, or won’t make concrete plans. You need to be with somebody who understands that moms with kids can’t “play it by ear” when it comes to getting together, and someone who never makes those moves but waits for you to ask may also not be as “into it” as you are.

If you’ve been dating someone for a while, like more than a month, and you’ve never been invited over, that’s another red flag for me. Are they married? Are they a hoarder? Do they live with four roommates they haven’t told you about? If they can only ever meet at your place or in public, that’s a clue that something is off.

And if anyone asks you to give or lend them money, or to invest in a business opportunity, you run, don’t walk, away from that person. That’s just not a normal dating interaction at any age or stage.

9. Online dating – what are the best sites out there to meet a normal person?

All the actual dating websites are full of normal people, with a sprinkling of what I’ll kindly call less traditional characters. But my favourites tend to be the big free sites: OkCupid, POF (Plenty of Fish), and Zoosk.

In my job, I’ll sometimes come across the same person’s profile on four or five different websites. You’re going to see individuals who use multiple websites to increase their visibility – and this is a practice I recommend.

I will say that I don’t personally recommend the dating apps, such as Tinder or Bumble, which have the ability to put you in immediate contact with a stranger. In my opinion, and my clients’ and friends’ experience, they’re really just for hookups. If that’s what you’re looking for, however, then by all means swipe right!

10. What are good ideas for a first date?

If you’ve met the person in a “real world” setting, then the first date is going to be more like a real date, and less of a getting-to-know-you session. You may have even already discussed what you’d like to do together – go for dinner, catch that play, or check out an art exhibit. Your thinking is going to be a little different than on a blind date, or with someone you’ve met online.

photo: Nattu

But since I’m usually setting up dates for people who have never met in real life, for me, it’s “anything but coffee.” I’ve actually blogged about why I think coffee is a lame first date – although I understand that it has many advantages. It’s cheap, there are cafés on literally every street corner these days, and who doesn’t love caffeine? But I suspect that part of the reason that so many first dates never result in second dates is that people are setting themselves up for failure by planning these very uninspiring get-togethers.

I like a moving first date, one that starts on its feet and keeps going, and if things go well, then maybe you end up sitting down to really have a conversation. So instead of saying “Meet me at the Starbucks,” it’s “meet me near the Starbucks,” and if the weather’s good, you choose a busy neighbourhood to walk around. You can get a lot more comfortable walking side-by-side with someone. You get a sense of their physicality. You see what they notice – are they people watchers? Do they comment on store windows? Fancy cars? A good busy neighbourhood is ideal for that sort of thing.

In smaller places, head to the cutest, oldest part of downtown, or even the Farmer’s Market. Street festivals are another great idea for that reason, or a park on a busy Saturday afternoon. Heck, I’ve even sent people to Costco on a first date! It’s perfect: you stroll around, there’s a ton of stuff to look at, and best of all, free samples! Just make sure one of you has a membership first.

As long as you choose a public place that’s relatively populous, you’re going to be safe, there’s going to be a lot of things to look at and talk about, and if things go well, there’s always a place to sit down and grab a coffee, or a drink, or a three-course-meal if you like each other enough.

Anne Marshall is a dating coach, writer, and matchmaker. As the Yenta-in-Chief of Junia Matchmaking Services, she’s helped dozens of couples find each other online, and form lasting bonds in the real world. View her recent interview on CBC here or visit Junia Matchmaking Services for more professional advice.

10 Questions with a home daycare provider

Posted on February 4, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in 10 Questions With .

We say down with Kathleen Baggio, a home daycare provider, so that we could inform parents when seeking the right childcare setting for their little ones.

Kathleen’s daycare space is warm and ideally set up for kids. (Don’t be fooled by “converted garage” this is no ordinary garage!)

1. What are the differences between a home day care and a child care centre?

The main difference is that a Home Daycare is just that – it is HOME. It isn’t in an institutional type environment, that can be at times, overwhelming for a child. Home daycare tends to be less structured than a childcare centre. There is more free play and self-expression, and taking the cue from the child as opposed to being on a tight schedule, and having to perform certain tasks at certain times throughout the day.

2. What are the benefits of sending children to a home day care?

Here are a few benefits of home daycare. There are smaller groups in home daycare, so more focus is on the child as an individual. There is more freedom throughout the day for spontaneity, instead of a full structured day filled with strictly adhered to day-to-day schedules. Home daycare can feel more comfortable to a child; they often have their own room for nap times with all their own items from home.

3. Do home daycares follow a curriculum?

Each home daycare provider is different, but in my home I am big on free play, working on fine motor skills, manners, sharing and respecting one another. For the older children who are before-and-after-school age, we work on their homework (if need be), crafts and free play. They have been in school all day and I like to make their time here full of laughter, which brings on a sense of belonging.

Kathleen dressing up for Halloween

4. What should parents look for when deciding on a home day care?

There are licensed home daycares and non-licensed home daycares. Although BOTH have to stick to the “Day Nurseries Act” rules (Ontario), one is monitored while the other is not. Having said that, parents need to have an interview with the provider and listen to their gut. I like the parents to bring the child(ren) to the interview, that way the child can experience the daycare space, and everyone can start to feel comfortable right from the get go. Let’s be honest, parents are leaving their children in Daycare for upwards of 9-10 hours, so they had better like the provider they decide to go with, as this person will have a HUGE impact on the child’s development.

5. How do you handle sickness or illness with children at your daycare?

As with any school or daycare, parents will be called from work to come and get their child if he/she is not well. Since I am the only adult, if I get ill I’d have to shut down – which would affect all the families – so keeping contagious children at home is key.

6. Do you think home daycares offer better nutrition/meals than daycare centres?

Here is the thing – kids are picky. They tend to have this tone set at home (sorry this is true, even for my own 2 kids). I NEVER force a child to eat something that they don’t like, however I encourage them to try and reward them with praise when they do try. Three cheers for (Jack) Hip Hip Hooray, and so the next time they are to try something it is easier as we’ve made it fun.

7. Are home daycares less expensive than daycare centres?

It can really go either way. I looked into this a few years back and a home daycare in Toronto, for example, for an infant was $300 a week with a waiting list, while up towards the Orangeville area it was $175 a week. A HUGE difference!

8. What sort of things would encourage you to unenroll a child from your daycare?

Over the course of my career helping to raise over 80 children, I have only ever had to do this once. I recognised some odd behaviour in a child that I knew wasn’t something I was prepared to take on. Some red flags went up for me and I had to think of the well-being of the entire group, as well as my business.

9. How important is the communication or updates you receive from parents about their children?

Communication is very important! In my contract I state that pick up and drop off times don’t always allow for updates, and that if they require a discussion they should – and are encouraged to – book a mutual time to do so. I often send text messages with photos of neat things that happen throughout the day. Makes Moms and Dads feel connected, and they truly appreciate it.

Kathleen with her family

10. Why do you love being a home daycare provider?

This question made me smile. There are so many reasons why I love my job. I am thrilled when I see the kids reach mile stones and how happy they are to show me something that they have worked really hard to accomplish. It makes me happy when they get picked up my parents and don’t want to leave, that’s a good indicator to you Moms and Dads that your kids are in a good place.

Having said that, there are some downfalls to the job as well. For example: as I am watching your children I am usually missing MY child’s milestones, concerts, football games, Dr.’s appointment etc. My husband gets to do all those things with them. But I have been home for my kids every day when they get home from school and for that I am grateful.

Kathleen Baggio was a big business owner selling to the likes of Walmart and a mother of two, who wanted to be home for her children and work at the same time. She wasn’t seeing her kids, because she was too busy working. So, she decided to become a home daycare provider, and turn her back on the corporate world. Her family moved to the country and her handy husband turned their huge garage into a daycare. He hand painted Disney characters throughout the room, making it fun and cozy for the children. Kathleen has worked with many families over the years and has had some children with her from the age of 1, until they could be at home on their own. Being a home daycare provider is very rewarding yet challenging at times; but the benefits far out weight the challenging times.

@kathleenbaggio1

10 Questions with a tattooed and pierced mama

Posted on January 11, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in 10 Questions With .

No little dolphin on the ankle, no simple single set of dangly earrings – there are a lot of mamas out there who have it pierced and inked – in all sorts of amazing places. It’s becoming more acceptable, but still not the norm, and while we all know someone with a sleeve or more than a few things pierced, that was probably not the demographic filling the room at your last PTA meeting. We caught up with Keona from Richmond, Virginia, mother of 5 and a very cool inked and pierced mama to ask the questions you know you want to know about those piercings and tattoos.

Our lovely mama has two visible dermals - those diamond-like shimmers on her chest – stretchers in her ears, a delicate stud of a lip piercing and a nose piercing. Scroll down to see more of what she has covering her shoulders, arms, back and legs.

Our lovely mama Keona has two visible dermals – those diamond-like shimmers on her chest – stretchers in her ears, a delicate stud of a lip piercing and a nose piercing. Scroll down to see more of what she has covering her shoulders, arms, back and legs.

1. What do you have pierced? Tattooed?

My ears were pierced but are now stretched, I have the top part of my ears pierced twice on both sides, I have the center of my bottom lip pierced, my nipples pierced, I have my tongue pierced twice, I have my hood of my vagina pierced. I also had several dermals at one point. I have numerous tattoos all over my body – and more to come.

2. Did any of them hurt?

All of them hurt but my hood piercing. That did not hurt.

3. Do you have tattoos for your kids?

Yes, butterflies with their names.

4. Do your children find them strange?

No, not at all. They love to see what I’m going to get next!

5. You have your nipples pierced, did it affect breastfeeding?

It did because the jewelry got in the way, so I had to take them out. And even then I had milk come out of holes.

6. Would you encourage your kids to get tattoos and piercings too – if they wanted? And at what age?

I did with my oldest, She was 17 when she got her first tattoo. We went together and we got matching owls.

7. Does having lots of piercings and tattoos make the teachers/other parents uncomfortable or have trouble talking to you?

I find them to be very accepting.

8. What are the biggest misconceptions about mamas being pierced and tattooed?

We don’t care about our kids. We do not educate them, we keep them and our homes dirty.

9. Have you had to take any of the piercings out?

Yes, I had a couple of dermals. I had to remove them for surgery.

10. Is it expensive?

Yes, some of my piercings are expensive and my all of my tattoos were. My back one $350, it took 8 hours total. My dermals cost $80 apiece.

10 Questions with Child Entertainers Sonshine and Broccoli

Posted on January 8, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in 10 Questions With .

Your kids love to be entertained, but you can’t be the feature attraction 24/7. Birthday parties are an exceptionally good time to hire entertainment. Some entertainers are better than others. Some really know what will keep your child entranced – and how long they can hold that attention before that little body can’t contain it any longer. So what to look for in an entertainer? We caught up with professional child entertainers Sonshine and Broccoli to ask the questions you know you want to know.

1. Why are musical shows engaging for children?

I think we all remember our first concert. Mine ( Sonshine ) was the beach boys. Musical shows are extremely engaging for all kids, from the first clap, to the head bop, to the jump. Kids find music a freedom of their own expression.

2. What time of day is best for keeping kids interested in the performance?

I would say first thing in the morning or after nap time.

3. Where do you get the energy to entertain kids on a continual basis?

We could be having the worst day but the second we are on stage rockin’ out to an audience of kids, life is just great. The energy truly comes from them. Kids are excited , intrigued and engaged. We often feed off of their energy.

4. How do you know when you are losing the attention span of a child – are there signs?

Ohhh yes. Big signs.

We can plan a show one way and totally decide to change it part way through depending on the age and types of kids in the audience. Sonshine and Broccoli have been called “The Kid Whispers.” There is nothing better than getting their attention from the very first song. We have found that keeping the show very upbeat and interactive works great for us.

5. Should entertainment be at the beginning, middle or end of a party?

Entertainment should be after the first half an hour of a party. Let your guest come in – leave some time for the stragglers – and within 30 to 40 min of the called time it’s great to bring out the entertainment.

6. What size party works best with entertainment?

It completely depends on the party. For more intimate parties, 20 kids is great. For larger parties or events we bring equipment, plug in and rock out to a huge crowd.

7. Can you customize a show to my child’s age group?

Yes of course. Recently we performed where we were given very little information about a show. The kids happened to be much older than our normal audience. We quickly adjusted our set list and the kids, all the way up to 15, had a blast. We always have tricks up our sleeve.

8. Do you need a large space to have performers at a child’s birthday party?

Not at all. Any performer should be able to accommodate your space. I always say whatever you are comfortable with.

9. What can parents do to make the entertainment part go over well? Should it be hyped on the invite? Part of a theme?

Yes to both. It’s always great to let your guest know who will be performing. It allows the parent and child to go online, check them out on YouTube, get excited about who they will be seeing. I have seen so many fabulous themed parties, from a Far East theme where all the kids were given kimonos to Princess Parties.

10. Why do children love your music?

We have been writing and singing kids’ music for 11 years. When we started writing, the process was so natural: Just put yourself into the mind of a child; the innocence of so many first things , silly things, scary things. We have just released our 3rd album and our music has grown over the years. We are growing with the kids. This new album is a pop rock album and is in the new genre of kindie music. Indie music for kids. We feel that parent and child should really rock out together!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3U0BHzK2Wo&w=420&h=315]

Sonshine & Broccoli, AKA Lisa Sonshine and Brock (Broccoli) Burford, have been entertaining parents and their children for over a decade. They’ve just released their third album “It’s A Beautiful Day.”

Music, always close to the heart and ongoing for Lisa and Brock, is the subject of a documentary, “Learning To Play” currently in post-production. Developed by the multi-talented duo, “Learning to Play” emerged from seven day collaboration with other musical artists. A Juno nominated artist, a film/ TV composer, vocal coach, Sonshine & Broccoli song writing students and others, came together in an all ages storytelling look on the power of music in our lives. The interviews and music from this moving collaboration can be seen on Sonshine & Broccoli’s website. The documentary explores how an early learned love of music can connect people to each other throughout their lives.

Over the past decade, Sonshine & Broccoli have entertained children across the GTA with their high energy interactive shows, sold out performances, In demand Corporate & private events, as well as a Pop Stars songwriting workshop for kids aged 7 to 12 as an after school, PD Day, and camp program. The camp has been recently added to the Toronto Public Library’s Culture Days programming.

Sonshine & Broccoli brings out the song in all of us.

@s_bmusic

10 questions with a surrogate mother

Posted on December 27, 2015 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in 10 Questions With .

photo: Marabuchi

They want a baby but need someone to do the gestating. A surrogate is able to do that. But it’s a strange scenario, lending out your womb, perhaps donating your eggs, too. We caught up with mother of two and two-time surrogate, Samantha, from York, Pennsylvania, to ask the questions you know you want to know about being a surrogate.

1. What were your reasons for becoming a surrogate?

I had wanted to be a surrogate since nursing school (2001), however I wanted to be sure my family was complete before I looked into doing it. The absolute joy my children give is something I have been honored to give to someone else.

2. How many surro-babies have you had?

I’ve completed a surrogacy with 1 child and I’m currently pregnant with my second surrogacy – possibly twins! It’s still early on, but well on the way.

3. How can you go about finding a family to hire you?

Some surrogates go “indy” – independent – where they have found a couple outside of an agency. I was indy my first time and used an agency this time.

4. Do you have to go through a lot of screening?

Yes, LOTS! You must have a recent full check up, screened for STDS and have a psych evaluation completed before beginning the process.

photo: Joshua Rappeneker

5. What is the financial compensation – is it just money or are there other benefits? Are you paid for each implantation or only for a viable pregnancy?

Most intended parents do send other gifts like gift baskets, some will have their surrogate go for massages, mani/pedis. There is a payment for the embryo transfer which can vary and is agreed upon during the contract phase. The next payment is after a positive blood pregnancy test and monthly payments start after that.

6. Do you donate your eggs or just rent out your uterus? Is the compensation a lot higher if they use your eggs? Can they ask you to carry multiples or is it a singleton every time (and does the rate go up if twins happen?)

I personally cannot use my eggs due to genetic reasons, but I can carry.

There are 2 types of surrogates. Traditional Surrogates (TS) and Gestational Surrogates (GS) or Gestational Carriers (GC). TS is where they use the surrogate’s egg and GS or GC are carriers with no genetic relation to the baby.

During the matching phase they will include in your profile whether you are willing to carry twins or only a singleton. The intended parents can choose you if they are looking for someone to carry twins. That rate is normally only a couple thousand more – it’s not double, like a lot of people assume it is.

According to Circle Surrogacy, the rate a surrogate GS can expect is around $25,000 to $30,000 base fee plus up to $25,000 in additional compensation. It depends on state, whether the surrogate is a first-timer, as experienced surrogates are paid more. Surrogacy America places the fees slightly higher, at $40,000 to $50,000 plus expenses, though Samantha explains that this fee may only be for somewhere like California, where rates are at a premium.

There are other variables besides multiples that affect the cost – C-section, egg donation, lost wages, travel expenses, clothing allowance, life insurance and other elements can be part of the payment and included in the expenses paid by the intended parents. These are defined in the contract between surrogate and intended parents.

In Canada, surrogacy is priced out differently and the breakdown gives a range of $18,000 to $45,000+ through Surrogacy in Canada.

photo: Tips Times Admin

7. Are there a lot of limitations on your lifestyle when you surro? Sex? Activities? Foods? Can they ask you to do yoga or take pre-natals or do you have to take other meds?

Some intended parents want things very strict, it is stipulated in the contract. My first time, the parents asked that I limit fast food – not a big deal for me. If you are in a relationship there are timeframes where you are not allowed to have sex because of the risk of you getting pregnant. Otherwise it’s ok, unless your OBGYN has reasons to medically limit sex. Pre-natals are a must do, and there are a good bit of other meds. They take over your cycle by meds. There are injections and other meds that start before the transfer then continue until around 10 weeks of the pregnancy. These are to help ensure that the body is ready and that the pregnancy takes hold after the transfer.

8. Does the surro-family want to be involved with your pregnancy throughout for the experience? Be there for the delivery? Is the baby with you for any length of time after delivery? Breast feeding?

Some are more involved then others – distance can be a big factor so it means lots of phone interaction. Most parents will come into the area towards the end of the pregnancy. My intended parents were in the room for delivery and the intended parents are planning on it for this time. Typically, once born, the baby is with the parents, but they do allow the surrogate – and sometimes family – in to hold and visit. Breastfeeding is very uncommon because of the bonding and possible problems that can happen. Some surros will pump for the baby.

9. How do your other kids handle the situation of mommy carrying a baby but them not getting a brother or sister out of it?

I explained to my kids in as simple terms as I could what was going on, and that it was not my baby. This time they understand a little more being 9 and 7.

photo: S ‘Lucy Sky’ Diamond-Jones

10. Do you want to have any connection with the baby/family after? Or is it like a closed adoption? Is it hard to give up or can you stay unattached because you know you’re doing the pregnancy, not having your own child?

This depends on distance as well. I asked for my family to be closer this time for that reason – and that, because my labor could go quickly, so in case I deliver early, they would hopefully make it in time. I get to see pictures of my first surro-baby, but they are 8 hours away, so it makes it hard to just stop by. There is some detachment knowing its not my child, but I do happily go back to sleeping all night after delivery 🙂

10 Questions with music teacher Liz Parker

Posted on December 14, 2015 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in 10 Questions With .

Liz Parker has been a music industry professional and piano teacher since 1985. She teaches children to tinkle the ivories, explore their creativity and enjoy making music. We caught up with Liz to ask the 10 questions you know you want to know about putting your children through music lessons.

1. Does every child have an inherent musicality?
Yes, especially when it comes to “feeling” music. If you don’t believe me, watch any toddler when loud music is on – they immediately start flapping and bobbing up and down.

2. How does music help enrich other parts of children’s lives?
Skills learned in music are transferable. Commitment, discipline, working hard, overcoming obstacles, learning to express oneself, meeting deadlines, collaborating with others – it’s all covered in music.

3. What sort of time commitment should parents expect when their children enroll in piano lessons or any other type of music classes?
In the beginning, lessons are typically 30 minutes and practise should take at least that long for very young kids. Later on, depending on the level they’re playing at, 45-60 minutes of daily practise is needed. At the intermediate/senior level, we’re looking at a minimum of 2 hours daily (little kids’ eyes get really big when I tell them this).

4. What are your thoughts on music competitions?
I am not from the “competitions are evil, you’re only in competition with yourself” mentality. This may have something to do with my strict mother. I’m all for competitions. I competed a lot as a kid, and worked harder as a result. I learned how to win (graciously) and how to lose (with dignity – at least until I got to the car).

Life is competitive sometimes – music is a good way to learn about that. I don’t register my students in competitions, but I do make them perform in recitals, and if someone else is playing the same piece, I casually inform them of this.

5. What if a child refuses to practice piano – do you have any techniques to inspire them?
Threats and evil eyes.

Kidding. I talk it over with the child in private, then with the parent. I try to diffuse any tension over this with humour, patience, cajoling and flat-out bribery.

6. At what age can a child start piano and/or music lessons?
This really depends. I’ve started a child as young as 3, but a good age is 5 or 6, before they learn that music practise is a drag. A really squirmy kid should wait until 7 or 8.

7. Why should parents enroll their children in piano lessons?
Piano is awesome because the whole musical “system” is all laid out, visually. Any other instrument it’s harder to visualize the layout of the notes, but with piano, it’s right there in front of you. It makes learning any other instrument, including the voice, much easier. And music is a beautiful thing – didn’t it get us all through high school angst?

8. What should parents look for when trying to find the right music teacher?
Quick word about pianos first – you can start by renting a keyboard, but ask about weighted eyes – this leads to strong finger muscles. If your child shows any aptitude, then think about investing in a real, upright piano.

Back to teachers – you want a teacher who is patient, but clear with objectives. This is not musical babysitting. A teacher should be firm, but approachable, especially with young kids. After a trial lesson (no cost), the child should be a bit nervous, but excited and curious about the piano. I also learned how significant it is for a child to see an adult’s face light up when they arrive, and I always welcome students with a big smile upon arrival. My facial expression upon their departure totally depends on whether or not they’ve practised.

9. What do you love most about teaching piano?
Short term: the results. I LOVE taking a new kid who got 73 on her grade 2 piano (which is unacceptable) and guiding her towards a 92 for grade 3. I’ll never forget the pride on her face when she told me her mark.

Long term: Kids move on as they do, and I’ve had students find me 10 years later on Facebook and thank me for never giving up on them. To meet a student all grown up and go for a drink and catch up is incredibly rewarding! They go from “How do I get that note?” to “How do I get that girl?” I’ve become a “Life Mentor”! So humbling.

10. Why is it important to have music in a child’s life?
You want your kid to turn out happy and expressive, right? Music gives them that.

About Liz: In the Parker household, talk of quitting piano wasn’t casual dinner-time conversation. It meant a summit meeting in the living room. Liz graduated from the Royal Conservatory of Music at 15 with a Gold Medal for the top mark in Canada; she holds her Licentiate from England’s Trinity College of London; and her Bachelor of Music from the University of British Columbia.

Teaching since 1985, Liz loves working with kids to achieve great marks in the RCM exams. She combines a sense of fun and instilling discipline for maximum results. No slouching or flat fingers! To compensate, treats are handed out after student recitals. She teaches in the Queen/Bathurst area, meaning coffee/shopping options nearby for parents to while away the lesson time.

www.lizpr.com

Instagram: lafumiko
Facebook: Liz Anne Fumiko Parker
Twitter: @LIZPR

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