Urban Suburban Mommy

Tag Archives: pregnancy

What’s the perfect age for making babies?

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real, Urban Suburban Mommy .

Is there really a perfect age to have a baby? If you have your babies in your teens, you’re too young. Early 20s? You’ve still got so much to see and do – people will tell you to finish school, travel, establish your career, get some life experience. All of a sudden you cross that threshold. You’re living your life, enjoying your career – there are promotions on the horizon and you’ve developed a lifestyle.

Once 30, those that have coupled up and condo’d up are being asked when the wedding will be – how they’re going to fit a baby into their one-bedroom hip city condo. Those that are single at 30 are now feeling the pressure from friends, family and society to just find that perfect partner. Mr. Right, Mrs. Right, just couple up – you don’t want to miss out.

Those that make it childless to their late 30s are now pitied. “There’s still time” people will offer, trying to be nice, working out the timeline: Find a partner, 18 months you’ll get married, another year and you’ll have a baby, you might actually be able to fit in a second if you find one right away!” And then you hit 40 and people start telling you there’s still time. You can do this on your own. Fertility clinics, IVF, IUI, frozen embryos.

It’s too bad society can’t stop challenging people to become parents at the perfect age.

I finally figured out the perfect age – there isn’t one.

I went through it myself and I hated when people would give me their opinion. I didn’t want kids young – I wasn’t ready to settle down. I was 29 and recall a friend offering to set me up with a guy who “Wasn’t that bad.” It felt like, at 29, I’d already missed out on top tier potential partners but could still pick one out in the scratch-n-dent partner section.

At 32, I started dating my hubby. The first time my father met him, he asked him when we were getting married. Before hubby could stop choking on his tongue, my father said “Don’t worry about getting married, just have babies.” Although we joke about that one to this day, it was clear that I was falling behind on the schedule of life.

When I got my BFP at 36, my doctor responded with the term “Late Maternal Age.” Like that’s the new “congratulations” of the late 30’s crowd.

Fergoodnessakes.

My friend had her first a few weeks before she turned 40. Her Facebook announcement of her pregnancy was “We’re so excited to let everyone know we’re getting #1 in before 40! Due in April!” Like 40 is a deadline. Like 39 is somehow magically much younger than 40 – but a few months more will change EVERYTHING.

Late maternal age worked out well for me. It’s true, there are concerns that come along with age – egg health, physical health. But it comes with benefits – life experience, stability and that wisdom they say comes with age. Maybe.

Is parenting at 40 the perfect age? It’s not for everyone, but it’s worked out well for me.

Best – and worst – states to have a baby

Posted on by Posted in Urban Suburban Mommy .

State of joy! State of exhaustion! State of emergency!

All those states come into play. But recently, WalletHub undertook a pretty cool study to see which American states are the best – and the worst – for having a baby.

Having a baby is expensive. Of course, no price tag can be put on the happiness and lifelong joy of having a family, but a price tag sure can be put on the actual expenses incurred in having said baby.

Between the front-end investments like the stroller, the nursery, the car seat and the rest of the gear, plus the daily expenses of diapers, clothes, food, shampoos, lotions, colic potions, teething toys (I’m looking at you, Sophie!) and the cute-but-expensive must-haves from diaper bags to baby-wipe warmers, the bill for baby can really bust a budget!

But let’s not forget the hospital bills…

According to the International Federation of Health Plans, Americans pay the highest birthing costs in the world, with the price tag of normal delivery averaging $10,808.

Oh, you can’t have that all-natural vaginal delivery you were expecting? A C-section goes up by another $5,298. Without maternity health coverage, including Medicaid, you can expect those prices to double or even triple.

Birthing costs, however, can vary significantly from state to state, you know, the huge differences in cost of living. They also differ from one pregnancy to another, given that some women experience delivery complications that could bump up the bill.

But there’s quality of health care service to consider as well, and no two maternity wards are created equal.

To determine the most ideal places in the U.S. to have a baby, WalletHub’s analysts compared the 50 states and the District of Columbia across 20 key measures of cost, health care accessibility, as well as baby- and family-friendliness. The data ranges from hospital conventional-delivery charges to annual average infant-care costs to pediatricians per capita.

Top 10 & Bottom 10:

Best States to Have a Baby Worst States to Have a Baby
1 Vermont 42 Arkansas
2 Minnesota 43 New Mexico
3 New Hampshire 44 Georgia
4 Connecticut 45 Florida
5 North Dakota 46 South Carolina
6 Massachusetts 47 Alabama
7 Maine 48 West Virginia
8 Utah 49 Nevada
9 Iowa 50 Louisiana
10 Nebraska 51 Mississippi

Best vs. Worst

  • Mississippi has the lowest average annual cost for early child care, $3,034, which is 4.9 times lower than in the District of Columbia, registering the highest at $14,855.
  • Wyoming has the most center-based child-care centers (per 100,000 residents), 125, which is 12.5 times more than in Indiana, registering the fewest at 10.
  • Alaska has the lowest share of childbirths with low birth weight, 5.79 percent, which is two times lower than in Mississippi, registering the highest at 11.43 percent.
  • Vermont has the most obstetricians and gynecologists (per 100,000 residents), 22, which is 11 times more than in Oklahoma, registering the fewest at two.
  • The District of Columbia has the most pediatricians (per 100,000 residents), 53, which is 26.5 times more than in Idaho, registering the fewest at two.
  • California has the highest parental-leave policy score, 155, while 12 states, such as Arizona, Michigan and South Carolina, tied for the lowest at 0.

Wishing you a happy, healthy nine months, and full coverage for the cost! For the full analysis, visit WalletHub and read the entire report, review the methodology and find ways to start saving up!

*In order to determine the best and worst states to have a baby, WalletHub’s analysts compared the 50 states and the District of Columbia across four key dimensions: 1) Cost, 2) Health Care, 3) Baby-Friendliness and 4) Family-Friendliness.

WalletHub evaluated those dimensions using 20 relevant metrics, and devised their corresponding weights. Each metric was graded on a 100-point scale, with a score of 100 representing the most favorable conditions for expectant parents and newborns.

Finally, WalletHub determined each state and the District’s weighted average across all metrics to calculate its total score and used the resulting scores to rank-order our sample.

Please visit WalletHub for the full analysis here

Yes I’m pregnant, NOT fat – here are 4 things that bug me the most

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .

I’ve been away from blogging for a few months. Mostly due to being busy and just not having the energy while pregnant. We’re expecting our 2nd child in late March. I’ve been rocking the diclectin like it’s candy. UGH.

There are several things that really bug me while pregnant, but these few sure take the icing on the cake:

  • Touching my belly (without asking)

Not sure why, but maybe because I am not a big hugger. Or because it just feels wrong; like you’re invading my personal space or something. I have only had 2 belly touchers this pregnancy (other than my husband, son and Dr.), and one of them was a good friend (who asked) and the other an almost stranger! Sure, we live in a small town, and the lady (whose name I don’t even know) has served me at the restaurant once or twice before, but she thought that she was worthy of a belly touch. Umm no!  I let it happen, but I am sure that my face said it all. What. Are. You. DOING?!

  • Commenting on my size

I don’t find the comments much different than last pregnancy, but I do think that many comments just shouldn’t come out of people’s mouths! Whether you’ve experienced pregnancy or not, it should be noted that most pregnant women are likely already dealing with more emotions/over-thinking than they’d like, so, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything. Some of my recent favourites include: “Oh wow, you’ve really gained weight since the last time I saw you”, (and strangely on the same day), “You’re 27 weeks – you don’t even look pregnant – you better eat more!”

Whether you think I am not big enough, gaining weight quickly, or just want to remind me that I am eating for 2, just keep it to yourself.  By the way, it’s not any better when you point out where I’ve gained weight…..you’ve gained it in your face, or your butt, whatever! Just STOP!

  • Puking kids

I work in a large elementary school. It’s like working in a petri dish of germs. I know sometimes you don’t know that your kid is going to be sick (to their stomach), but for those parents that send their kids to school after they puked that morning, I want to yell at you! As well, sending students down to the office (they sit in my eye sight 95% of the time) to wait for their parents, and giving them a bucket/garbage can to puke in is not ok. The sound of someone vomiting makes me vomit, as does the smell. And this Mom has done enough puking with this pregnancy.

  • The stupid glucose test

Didn’t enjoy it last time, and definitely didn’t enjoy it this time. Over the holidays, I headed over to our local Dynacare to do the glucose test. I was so stoked to have one hour to sit and just read a book (I promised myself I wouldn’t go on social media…that would’ve been do-able, if the following hadn’t of happened). I presented my paperwork, and the lab tech said, “I will go and grab it…but it’s room temperature as our fridge broke over the holidays”. Well LUCKY me! I debated over heading home and trying another day, but it is not too often that I have it easy for someone watching Tyson (Ian was on holidays). I couldn’t imagine bringing him and having him sit in the small room and just wait for an hour after chugging that nasty drink. So, after giving myself a quick pep-talk, I uncapped the bottle and tried a gulp.

SO NASTY.

Worse at room temperature.

I tried to suck back what I could. And then at 4 minutes and 30 seconds, the lab tech reminded me that I only had 30 seconds left to drink and I wanted to cry. Both this time, and last time, she reminded me not to chug it, because if I puked (like I’m not already trying to avoid that), I would have to come back another day. So, I said that I would do my best, and keep trying to drink it. In just under 10 minutes I was done drinking it. Then she chimed in that my results might be affected (negatively) since I didn’t drink it within the time limit.

WHAT?!

Needless to say, I did remain there for the next 60 minutes and got my blood taken. I should note at my recent doctor’s visit – just hit the 30 week mark – that my results were in, and I was well under the range for the possibility of gestational diabetes.

And finally, people being absolutely baffled that my husband and I have chosen not to find out the sex of our baby. It’s not that I don’t understand why many want to know, but more so, why the H-E-double-hockey-sticks, it matters to you that we’re not finding out.

I am not a prepare-the-nursery kind of gal. Nor the themed nursery.

Or the person who feels less prepared because I don’t know what colour of baby clothes to purchase (on a side note – it is becoming harder and harder to find gender neutral clothing).  I am definitely not one for surprises, but there is something exciting about a surprise like this. As long as our baby is healthy, I am happy.

I know that it sure helped get through labor last time!

I’ll leave my pregnancy rant on a positive note – here’s a fun pic that our ultrasound technician captured at our 20 week ultrasound!

An open letter to anyone who tried to give me advice when I was pregnant

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .

Dear Everyone Who Tried To Give Me Advice When I Was Pregnant,

There were so many of you giving me advice when I was pregnant for the first time. It was impossible to know what to listen to. Some of it scared me. Some of it seemed like good advice. Some of it confused me because I just couldn’t understand what the situation would be. And at the same time, the more I’d hear, the more I’d start to think “That won’t be me.”

As if I’m better than that.

But now that I’ve gone through it – twice – and lived to tell the tale, I have to say that most of the advice totally missed the mark. So thank you for trying to warn me, advise me and prepare me, but here’s where it all went wrong:

1. Thanks for telling me to sleep when they sleep – and to get as much sleep as possible while I was pregnant.

But why didn’t you suggest I soak it all in with pregnancy number one, because nobody would be indulging me ever again once the baby was born. 

2. I love that you told me “Breast is Best” and that I should really breastfeed because ‘choosing’ not to breastfeed is selfish.

But why didn’t you warn me how HARD breastfeeding is, how I should read up on the difficulties, on how to improve milk production or control over-production and be prepared to speak to a lactation consultant, not be hard on myself if I couldn’t do it.

And mastitis… You couldn’t have warned me about mastitis and blocked ducts???

3. Your stories about labour? They freaked me out! Telling me not to worry because it was all worth it? Not helpful. And you – the one who described her labour as “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” – you know who you are.

But why didn’t you reassure me that it doesn’t have to be that way. I found pre-natal yoga. I had a teacher who gave hypno-birthng tips. I have an amazing husband who kept me laughing through labour. And I had an epidural when I needed it. 

4. We talked a lot about pregnancy. I read a lot about pregnancy. I’m a pro at being pregnant.

But pregnancy is fleeting – when the muppet came, I no longer had time (or the mental capacity) to read much. You could have told me that I should probably read up to prepare for the first 6 months. And poop – you should have given me a book on poop and what poop colour/shape/size/frequency means. I spent too much time trying to figure out the poop.

5. You asked me if I’d babywear, co-sleep, circumsise, do baby-led weaning, breastfeed, cloth diaper and more. We hit all the hot-button topics and you gave me your take.

But why didn’t you tell me to thicken my skin, pick what’s best for my baby, have confidence in my decision and not worry about the other mothers judging me? The lactivists, intactivists and the sanctimommies I’d inevitably come across? I was NOT prepared for that kind of confrontation. 

A few other gripes – why didn’t you ever warn me about:

  • All the mucous that would flow like a river
  • The huge diaper pads that I’d be wearing after delivery. And those mesh panties!
  • The pain my breasts would experience as they changed to prep for milk production
  • The postpartum crazies – I was a complete wreck that first week, of course I was! all of my hormones were in rollercoaster mode as they switched to being non-pregnancy hormones
  • The back pain
  • The belly button itch and the line
  • The mucous – I really can’t stress that one enough. I never knew a body could do that!
  • The membrane sweep – wow that hurt!
  • The pregnancy mask – why does skin do that?

And what have I missed?

First-time mommies will always need some advice, and I have only one piece of advice I ever share: Don’t take advice from anyone. Ask your doula/doctor/midwife if you want to know something, be prepared to tell people you don’t want their advice, and trust in your instincts. You’ll be fine.

October 15 – Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day

Posted on by Posted in Urban Suburban Mommy .

Most people are touched by loss – pregnancy and infant loss – to some degree.

It’s painful and it’s hard to just move on.

I don’t want to get into particulars, but I’ve been touched by it very profoundly through someone very close to me. It never stops hurting my heart to see the space where that very wanted child should have been when our children play.

Loss is hard. It happens. There is no way to pretend it doesn’t. October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. I guess for some it’s a day to remember, a day to celebrate that life that was cut short or to embrace the reality that, with that loss there was also the loss of a family’s hopes and dreams for the future that had grown with the expectation of the child’s arrival.

It should be a day for awareness, too.

Loss shouldn’t make us look away or shy away or change the conversation abruptly. Often we don’t know what to say, how to handle it. We try to make it better with words, but that can often just make it worse.

Each of us handles grief differently, and each family that suffers a loss manages that grief their own way. And just like any other loss, it’s not for us to judge, justify, try to cheer up, compare our own losses or even create context. The best that we can do for those who have suffered a loss is to offer kindness, compassion and support.

If you’ve suffered a loss, don’t feel you should have to keep it bottled up. If you need help, make sure you ask.

Loss is never easy, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be discussed.

xx

Fertility issues

Posted on by Posted in Sponsored Post, The Struggle is Real .

Growing up, most of us thought about having babies. We wondered whether we’d have a boy or a girl – or maybe even twins! We thought about how many we’d like and what it would be like to play house.

It was all very exciting.

Those childhood daydreams never involved wondering whether fertility would be an issue.

Fertility issues are difficult. For those that suffer through fertility issues, it’s painful and personal, and most don’t feel comfortable openly discussing it.

Because it’s not discussed, or even given much consideration until it becomes an issue, there is a lot of misinformation and a lot of myth surrounding fertility.

Fertility issues affect 16% of Canadians, that’s about 1 in 6 couples.

OVA_egghealth_FB_5.14.16

What do you really know about fertility issues? We teamed up with OvaScience who have recently launched the AUGMENT treatment in Canada to assist women who are struggling with fertility due to egg health to figure out fact from fiction and provide some insight into the subject.

Myth 1: Fertility issues usually stem from the woman

Actually… Fertility issues can lie with either partner. In men some of the factors that can lead to fertility issues are:

  • Varicoceles – an enlarged vein in the testicles that may affect sperm count and shape
  • Medical conditions such as diabetes, cystic fibrosis, infections, chemotherapy and/or radiation therapy
  • Unhealthy lifestyle issues such as excessive alcohol consumption, smoking, use of anabolic steroids or other illegal drugs
  • Environmental toxins such as pesticides and lead

Myth 2: It’s just stress. When you stop trying, it will happen

Actually… Stress doesn’t cause infertility, but infertility will definitely cause a lot of stress.

OVA_Egghealth_TW_4.2.16

Myth 3: There has to be a reason.

Actually… While there is a reason, sometimes science doesn’t have all of the answers. Both couples may be in perfect health and seem to be reproductively fit, yet there’s just no success. Unexplained fertility is the diagnosis for between 15 to 30% of couples who have undergone fertility investigation.

Myth 4: It’s easy for most women to get pregnant

Actually… Though it may seem like pregnancy is easy and immediate for most women, it’s actually not as easy as you think. Despite the fact that it might sometimes feel like you’re constantly hearing announcements of a surprise, or that someone got pregnant even though they were on birth control, it takes a very specific set of ideal circumstances to make the magic happen. The timing has to be just right – there are only a few days a month that a woman can conceive. The egg has to be healthy. The uterus has to be in balance. The ejaculate has to have quality sperm that reach the egg. Fertilization needs to occur. The cell division has to happen correctly. Implantation needs to be successful. And even then, there are numerous reasons why a pregnancy doesn’t succeed.

Myth 5: Young women don’t struggle with infertility

Actually… The rate of infertility for women between 40 to 44 is over 14.3% to 20.7%, but the infertility rate of 18 to 29 year old women is 7 to 13.7%. Infertility in women definitely has a correlation to age – fertility is at its peak in a woman’s early 20s. Eggs are healthiest, rate of miscarriage is lowest. Still, the odds of successfully getting pregnant within a cycle is about 33%. Fertility starts to decrease more quickly for a woman through her 30s. By 30, the odds of getting pregnant each cycle are about 20%. These odds decrease steadily by the years until early 40s, when the likelihood of infertility is much higher. 91% of women can get pregnant at age 30; 77% by age 35; 53% by age 40.

OVA_Egghealth_TW_2.2.16

Myth 6: Infertile couples will never have children

Actually… Never say never. For some it may never happen, for others, circumstances may change. For many, the odds may be slim, but they’re just odds and it may just naturally happen. While fertility issues can occur because of a wide variety of factors, each case needs to be investigated because individual issues can vary so widely and even change over time.

With scientific development and a better understanding of reproductive health, new strategies for treatment may eventually help more couples experiencing fertility issues. OvaScience has recently introduced the AUGMENT treatment across Canada to help women who are struggling with their fertility due to poor egg health. While many factors contribute to egg health, having adequate levels of mitochondria, or energy inside of the egg is essential for healthy fertilization and embryo development. The AUGMENT treatment uses the energy-producing mitochondria from a patient’s own egg precursor cell, an immature egg cell found in the protective lining of her ovaries – to supplement the existing mitochondria in her egg.

If you are experiencing infertility, or just want to learn more about this new technology, you can visit http://www.augmenttreatment.com or talk to your doctor.

Post sponsored by:

FINAL_OVA_OvaScience_Logo_TAG_RGB

 

Worry, worry, worry

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .

Did you know at 36 weeks that an ultrasound can tell a lot about your baby?

I didn’t!

Big belly kidney issuesOf course, with your first baby everything seems to be a “big deal,” so when the doctor told me that they would be monitoring our baby’s kidney function shortly after he was born, it wasn’t what I’d expected to hear.

While I wasn’t overly concerned, when you’re told at your 36 week ultrasound that your baby may have a significant issue and that you’re waiting to see if everything will be okay, it adds a layer of stress. With him still on the inside and not being able to control the issue, it was a worry, an intangible concern…

When Tyson was around 4 months old we made the trek down to Orillia’s hospital for “the test.” After a long drive on a snowy day, we arrived at Soldier’s Memorial.

We were off to a rocky start with a mean lady working where we had to check in. After going through the basics, they advised me that my son would need a catheter inserted before I headed upstairs for the next portion of the test.

Let me tell you, just when you think you’ve heard a blood-curdling cry before, think again…. I was asked not to be in the room when they inserted it, and it was clear why within seconds. It took 2 nurses to hold him down while the third nurse inserted it. I held back tears while his screams echoed through the hallway, but another nice mother let me know that his screams were normal.

What seemed like an eternity later, my son was brought out to me by a nurse, and they told me to bring him back downstairs for the test (on his kidneys). I had no idea what to expect, but I brought him down.

Thankfully, the technician let me know what to look for (we wanted to see Tyson pee) in the renal ultrasound picture (and have things operate the way that they are suppose to). The technician ran water (which apparently gets babies to pee) and within seconds the technician let me know that Tyson’s kidney functions were perfect!

kidney issues - familyJust like that things were good with our son’s kidneys. I’ve had a few friends that have had to do this test with their young son or daughter and they all say that the catheter was torture.

To any parents out there, keep that in mind. It’s a tough experience, but I bet your little one will not remember it.

Krista HolmsKrista Holmes, KH Mgmt, became a mother in the summer of 2014. She works behind-the-scenes in the Canadian music industry, designs several social media campaigns and manages special events. Her love for motherhood & music can be found on her blog, mommylovesmusic.wordpress.com.

twitter@KHmgmt

Zika virus and why we’re still travelling – just not while we’re pregnant or TTC

Posted on by Posted in Bon Voyage .
FEATURE sun destination - zika virus

Zika. Zika. Zika.

Before last week I’d never heard this word. Of course, now, I’ve plowed through pictures of babies born with microcephaly, researched where the virus originated, and read a mountain of travel warnings, hysterical commentary and those that are downplaying any risk. Some countries are much more concerned than others – Brazil has seen an exponential spike in cases of microcephaly, causing the warnings and interest, and The Washington Post reports that El Salvador has asked its population to postpone families for two years – just to be safe.

Zika virus is like any other virus. Mosquitos carry and transmit this virus. If you get infected, you may or may not feel significant symptoms. You may get a low-grade fever, feel crummy, develop a rash, have redness and sore eyes and have muscle stiffness. Doesn’t sound any worse than a mild flu.

Except if you’re pregnant or trying to conceive (TTC).

It seems the risk is only to those who are pregnant or going to conceive imminently. There is a travel advisory to act with caution and avoid mosquito bites. According to the CDC:

If infected, Zika virus usually remains in the blood of an infected person for about a week. The virus will not cause infections in a baby that is conceived after the virus is cleared from the blood.

So, should you travel? You need to decide for yourself, and we’re neurotic, so we always err on the side of caution – far, far, far on the side of caution – but for this one, we think it’s a limited concern. We wouldn’t go while pregnant or trying to conceive – goodness knows we already have the pressure of “advanced maternal age” and other high-risk issues, but as long as we’re not pregnant or TTC, we’re beach bound.

In fact, with the life of the virus in the body limited to a week, maybe two, it’s probably fine to TTC a month after coming back. But that only even becomes a concern if mama gets bitten and catches the virus.

We checked in with the resorts to see what they’re doing – and they’re being very proactive to afford their guests comfort and peace of mind. RIU Resorts Told us their measures “include controlling the mosquito population that is spreading the disease through their bite. These measures include: cleaning and eliminating objects and areas that may accumulate water, spraying, treating sanitary water with chlorine and biological control methods for natural springs, as well as including physical barriers.” Furthermore, they’re monitoring guests and employees and plans to do follow up in any confirmed cases.

We also spoke to Sandals Resorts International, who confirmed much of the same, noting it “will handle any individual concerns on a case-by-case basis, with guests’ peace of mind of paramount importance.  All Sandals Resorts and Beaches Resorts continue to meet and exceed on-resort environmental standards – from increasing eradication methods to the removal of potential mosquito breeding grounds – maintaining the highest possible protocols in the world led by a team of professionally trained environmental health and safety officers.” In addition, they focus on “education for team members and local communities, building awareness and recommending preventative measures to extend beyond the resorts.”

So, does Zika cause microcephaly?

At the moment there is no conclusive evidence that Zika virus causes microcephaly and stunts brain development during gestation, however, it seems like it has to be more than just a coincidence that the rate of microcephaly in southern climates has risen with the proliferation of Zika.  The World Health Organization (WHO) and the Centre for Disease Control (CDC) have weighed in on what it would take for conclusive findings.

Scientific American reports:

A top official from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention told reporters today that to firm up the connections between the two conditions researchers must study the documented microcephaly cases, the case history of pregnant women and conduct case-control studies of babies born in affected areas such as Brazil to get further insights. Only then, following careful analyses, can scientists solidify the Zika–microcephaly links and the required preventative steps.

While that may take a long time to conclude, Scientific American also reports:

The director general of WHO, Margaret Chan, however, said that although that causal relationship has not been proved, it is “strongly suspected.” That is due, in part, to other research that has shown the virus is capable of crossing the placental barrier and showing up in amniotic fluid.

We are not doctors and we are not virologists, just mamas trying to figure out if we should travel, and we’re sharing our insights. You need to make informed decisions and should speak to your doctor for more information. Urban Suburban Mommy is in no way dispensing medical advice, only sharing some of the information we have gathered for ourselves.

There are always ski trips if sun vacations have you concerned.

At 44, feeling fertile is a state of mind

Posted on by Posted in Urban Suburban Mommy .
IUD repeat repeat

IUD repeat repeatSo you’re a 40-something mommy like me. And you’re done having babies, like me. What do you do to shut down the factory?

It’s not like before where you need to think about the future – you can do something more permanent if you want – tie those tubes, get that Essure, have him clipped. It’s not like we’re 25 and might want to change our minds and have another child in 5 or 10 years. We’re 40-something and we’re done. Sure, there are technically a few more years for us, and I don’t want to be agist, but seriously, there aren’t too many of us that want to go the route of being pregnant and closing in on 50 – never mind that that it’s practically impossible for most women to do it (though not impossible for some).

According to Web MD, perimenopause starts at 47, and the average woman starts menopause at 51. Yes, it it possible to get pregnant through perimenopause, and right through to the time you stop having periods, but it’s not likely.

IUD in handWhen I was 6 weeks post partum I had my IUD put in. I decided to go the route of no hormones and opted for the copper Nova-T IUD. I’m completely happy about my decision – except for the fact that it starts losing its effectiveness at 5 years. When my doctor put it in (and she’s a mom and the same age as I am), she was pretty nonchalant about the fact that I could probably keep this one because at 44 I would start to lose the ability to get pregnant, and even if I did, it wouldn’t stick.

It’s an interesting distinction. It’s not black and white. Fertility is highest up to your late 20s. Then into your early 30s, while not at its peak, fertility is still pretty good. Web MD pegs the decline starting at 35, which is the whole ‘late maternal age thing’ I heard a lot during my pregnancies. Fertility declines, and it declines hard. Eggs are getting older, the chances of chromosomal issues increases, the fertility factor decreases. You may feel that you’re in your sexual prime, but your ovaries are shouting out last call.Dr. David Adamson, president of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine explains on Web MD that, at 39, your chances of conceiving are half of what they were are 31. Over the next 3 years it declines by half again. 41 is where things really dive – about 10 years before menopause hits is when fertility ends. Some women have fertility longer, some much shorter. But you don’t know until you try.

It’s just so ironic. You spend so many years preventing, and then when you’re finally ready, BOOM. You find out it’s not so easy after all.

Now, my son turned 5 last year. I am in that grey area. Do I *need* birth control? It wasn’t that easy to get pregnant at 36, how likely is it that I can get pregnant at 44, especially with a semi-effective IUD?

Birth control at 44 is different than at 22 , or even at 32. We had our babies just before the cut-off, didn’t we? Birth control is, of course, still a consideration, but not *as* important. Though plenty of us are throwing the tubal in with our last birth, and doing something because, we don’t want to take a chance and well, we are just so used to it. At 39, I realistically felt that I should still use birth control, but I didn’t want to do anything permanent. I wanted to keep the lines of conversation open, just in case.

other uses for an iudThe IUD was it. I just couldn’t see any other form of birth control. My husband had made it clear he was never getting the big V. (It was actually one of his three dealbreakers when we got serious about our relationship and had ‘the talk’ so I knew that was out.) I’d used the patch, briefly, and wasn’t a huge fan of it – or hormones in general. We’d done sponges for the brief period after I’d decided I was never using hormones again. I could get a diaphragm, he could use condoms – what other forms of birth control are out there? NFP was out of the question. Charting and tracking are not my strong suit.

I think coming to the other side of childbearing is just something that messes with you – and birth control is the icing on the crazy cake. Do you or don’t you? At 44, feeling fertile is just a state of mind.

10 questions with a surrogate mother

Posted on by Posted in 10 Questions With .

They want a baby but need someone to do the gestating. A surrogate is able to do that. But it’s a strange scenario, lending out your womb, perhaps donating your eggs, too. We caught up with mother of two and two-time surrogate, Samantha, from York, Pennsylvania, to ask the questions you know you want to know about being a surrogate.

1. What were your reasons for becoming a surrogate?

I had wanted to be a surrogate since nursing school (2001), however I wanted to be sure my family was complete before I looked into doing it. The absolute joy my children give is something I have been honored to give to someone else.

2. How many surro-babies have you had?

I’ve completed a surrogacy with 1 child and I’m currently pregnant with my second surrogacy – possibly twins! It’s still early on, but well on the way.

3. How can you go about finding a family to hire you?

Some surrogates go “indy” – independent – where they have found a couple outside of an agency. I was indy my first time and used an agency this time.

4. Do you have to go through a lot of screening?

Yes, LOTS!  You must have a recent full check up, screened for STDS and have a psych evaluation completed before beginning the process.

5. What is the financial compensation – is it just money or are there other benefits? Are you paid for each implantation or only for a viable pregnancy? 

Most intended parents do send other gifts like gift baskets, some will have their surrogate go for massages, mani/pedis. There is a payment for the embryo transfer which can vary and is agreed upon during the contract phase. The next payment is after a positive blood pregnancy test and monthly payments start after that.

6. Do you donate your eggs or just rent out your uterus? Is the compensation a lot higher if they use your eggs? Can they ask you to carry multiples or is it a singleton every time (and does the rate go up if twins happen?)

I personally cannot use my eggs due to genetic reasons, but I can carry.

There are 2 types of surrogates. Traditional Surrogates (TS) and Gestational Surrogates (GS) or Gestational Carriers (GC). TS is where they use the surrogate’s egg and GS or GC are carriers with no genetic relation to the baby.

During the matching phase they will include in your profile whether you are willing to carry twins or only a singleton. The intended parents can choose you if they are looking for someone to carry twins. That rate is normally only a couple thousand more – it’s not double, like a lot of people assume it is.

According to Circle Surrogacy, the rate a surrogate GS can expect is around $25,000 to $30,000 base fee plus up to $25,000 in additional compensation. It depends on state, whether the surrogate is a first-timer, as experienced surrogates are paid more. Surrogacy America places the fees slightly higher, at $40,000 to $50,000 plus expenses, though Samantha explains that this fee may only be for somewhere like California, where rates are at a premium.

There are other variables besides multiples that affect the cost – C-section, egg donation, lost wages, travel expenses, clothing allowance, life insurance and other elements can be part of the payment and included in the expenses paid by the intended parents. These are defined in the contract between surrogate and intended parents.

In Canada, surrogacy is priced out differently and the breakdown gives a range of $18,000 to $45,000+ through Surrogacy in Canada.

7. Are there a lot of limitations on your lifestyle when you surro? Sex? Activities? Foods? Can they ask you to do yoga or take pre-natals or do you have to take other meds? 

Some intended parents want things very strict, it is stipulated in the contract. My first time, the parents asked that I limit fast food – not a big deal for me. If you are in a relationship there are timeframes where you are not allowed to have sex because of the risk of you getting pregnant. Otherwise it’s ok, unless your OBGYN has reasons to medically limit sex.  Pre-natals are a must do, and there are a good bit of other meds. They take over your cycle by meds. There are injections and other meds that start before the transfer then continue until around 10 weeks of the pregnancy. These are to help ensure that the body is ready and that the pregnancy takes hold after the transfer.

8. Does the surro-family want to be involved with your pregnancy throughout for the experience? Be there for the delivery? Is the baby with you for any length of time after delivery? Breast feeding?

Some are more involved then others – distance can be a big factor so it means lots of phone interaction. Most parents will come into the area towards the end of the pregnancy. My intended parents were in the room for delivery and the intended parents are planning on it for this time.  Typically, once born, the baby is with the parents, but they do allow the surrogate – and sometimes family – in to hold and visit.  Breastfeeding is very uncommon because of the bonding and possible problems that can happen.  Some surros will pump for the baby.

9. How do your other kids handle the situation of mommy carrying a baby but them not getting a brother or sister out of it?

I explained to my kids in as simple terms as I could what was going on, and that it was not my baby.  This time they understand a little more being 9 and 7.

10. Do you want to have any connection with the baby/family after? Or is it like a closed adoption? Is it hard to give up or can you stay unattached because you know you’re doing the pregnancy, not having your own child?

This depends on distance as well. I asked for my family to be closer this time for that reason – and that, because my labor could go quickly, so in case I deliver early, they would hopefully make it in time. I get to see pictures of my first surro-baby, but they are 8 hours away, so it makes it hard to just stop by. There is some detachment knowing its not my child, but I do happily go back to sleeping all night after delivery 🙂

Kelly Clarkson, pregnancy #2, baby #2… and #3?

Posted on by Posted in Fame & Fam .

I love Kelly Clarkson. Her music isn’t exactly my fave – though I did like how she trashed his place in her “Since you’ve been gone” video, but early on in my relationship with my husband, maybe just weeks into living at his place, (2004) my husband worked on her video for Behind these hazel eyes. He shot through the night, and in the morning I woke up to a bouquet of red roses in a white ribbon on the pillow beside me. One of the bouquets used in the shoot. It was sweet. Kelly will always hold a special place.

(Those roses...)

(Those are my roses…)

But it’s not just the videos, it’s the fact that she’s real. She’s handled the fame and pregnancy and the media with grace and strength. She’s not the untouchable, she’s one of us.

So, by chance, I heard about her radio interview yesterday with 103.7’s Leigh Ann & Courtney Uncorked, where the 33-year-old singer dropped a hint that her pregnancy was actually twins. Congrats Kelly!

“When I pop out these kids…” Doesn’t that sound like she’s eluding to twins? You decide, have a listen here.

And then she went on to say she was experiencing hyperemesis. For anyone who hasn’t had such severe morning sickness that they were 25 pounds lighter the day after they gave birth than the day they got pregnant, let me explain. Hyperemesis is sever morning sickness. It’s morning, afternoon, evening and nightsickness. It’s never being able to stop throwing up. You get dehydrated. You get malnourished. You get zapped of all energy, and still you can’t stop throwing up. My doctor told me morning sickness was a sign of a good, strong pregnancy, and I clung to that as I found myself constantly racing to the bathroom, even as I finished up my 8th month.

They’ve already announced they’re having a boy, will it be a two-for-one? We’ll see in about 6 months, won’t we!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yipoOY56MbM&w=420&h=315]