Urban Suburban Mommy

Tag Archives: birthday

To birthday party or not?

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .

Recently, for some reason, discussions about birthday parties keep coming up. Mamas that get stressed over how many kids to invite. Dads that can’t fathom sorting out food for all the dietary restrictions. Parents that feel the expense is ludicrous. The mama on my right declared that “Parties are such a waste of money!” while the mama on my left retorted “Seriously? You’d deprive your child of a birthday party? That’s selfish!”

And before the big guns could come out, I tried to diffuse the whole conversation with a nice solid “Everyone has to do what’s right for their family.” which worked.

(It always works!)

Personally, I think we’ve gotten a little out of control with expectations that are hard to fulfill. It’s happened with Weddings, it’s happened with Sweet 16s. Now it’s happening with birthday parties.

When one mom started talking budgets, she mentioned a cake for over $150. Food was hundreds of dollars because they’ve got a big family. Loot bags, branded theme paper products, an entertainer, a hall…

And then I understood why the budget was just bursting!

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think you *shouldn’t* throw a gala affair for the little one’s first birthday. Go ahead and find the perfect venue for the your kid’s 7th birthday. Spend what you want.

But realize you don’t have to.

Sometimes expectations get out of control. Sometimes it’s us parents – we forget that they’re just kids and don’t really understand. Even more – the party is not for them, it’s for us. We like throwing parties and we want to do it up. We have a vision. It becomes about fulfilling that vision.

I’ve thrown birthday parties for under $100 and I’ve thrown them for hundreds, (and gotten a smidge carried away, I admit).

I have this thing about birthdays. My mom taught me that we should celebrate ourselves, and I take birthdays very seriously (as in, it’s all about moi!). It’s the one day a year that you can make it all about you – and I do believe everyone deserves their day, including my husband and myself!

Favourite clothes, favourite food, a gift that they’ve really wanted, That’s the start. The kids never have to go to school on their birthdays – in fact, I’ve never worked on my birthday, and I’m 45.

I always ask the boys what they want to do. They can go ride rollercoasters, ask to go to a hotel for a weekend (check out my post on staycations) and they can also have a party if they want one, and they’ve always wanted one. (If they didn’t, that would be a different story).

I like to do big parties with all of their friends – the whole class and the whole daycare – because I want to celebrate my child. I want all of their friends to celebrate them, too. They won’t remember the presents, they won’t remember exactly what went on at the party, but they’ll always remember the big celebration and the fuss made over them.

When they were younger I invited family and some of our friends, but by about 3 they had enough friends for a party – and the family? I’m sure they weren’t too hurt to be let off the hook on a Saturday afternoon.

I’m lucky that one of my kids has a summer birthday. Although I worry about the weather ruining the party every year, I have a big party in the park (no venue fee) and I’ve never been rained out yet. My younger one has a May birthday, and we’ve had to keep it inside. I’ve found really inexpensive venues – the community centre has a cool event room for $29/hour – and they can go swimming too! I live in the city (Urban Mom Elisa) and my home is way too small for anything more than 4 or 5 kids, or I’d have the parties here.

My husband and I have celebrated milestone birthdays for each other with big parties, but the kids really love the tradition. It’s always what they want though, not me. I like baking the birthday cupcakes so the cake has never bit my budget. I have a big box of decorations, plates, napkins, and each year I add to that box, using what I have left over from last year’s festivities. Kids are easy to occupy, they like to play. It’s actually much easier than it sounds to occupy 25 kids for 3 hours.

One year one child wanted a movie birthday, the other wanted a play birthday, some years it’s costumes, other years it’s waterguns. One year we found a mini-zoo to come to the party, the boa constrictor was a huge hit.

Kids are easy to please. Parties don’t need to be $800 at the best local destination. They don’t need to be $2,000 affairs with custom loot bags. They should reflect what the little one wants, without breaking the bank, and most importantly, without bringing on stress. Parties are supposed to be fun – I don’t know how that was forgotten along the way, probably as specialty items became the “must-haves” and the costs started adding up.

There really is no right or wrong answer, and you need to celebrate your child’s birthday (and your own!) the way you see fit, but I love that it’s become a day to celebrate myself, and it brings me great happiness to see that my kids are learning to celebrate themselves in style!

 

I wanted a C-section

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .

I was speaking to Michelle after reading her recent post on C-sections. It’s funny because I remember her telling me she couldn’t even discuss it when I asked her about her delivery with her first. I love a good birth story, but she just wasn’t over hers – and I didn’t push it.

Some birth stories aren’t great experiences. I get it. Mine were both vaginal deliveries. My second was sunny-side up, making the back labour an intense experience of epically painful proportions. With my first, the epidural I wanted so badly ended up slowing down my labour so, with the second, I opted for the last-minute epi, just to help with the pushing, so that my labour would go faster.

Gawd, that hurt!

The tearing and subsequent stitching with my first was brutal. Lots of stitches, lots of trouble sitting, lots of discomfort relieving myself – and let me tell you, the “husband stitch” you hear about – that’s a real thing. The doctor told me I would thank him for it. Or maybe that comment was directed at my husband, because I was most definitely not impressed or even happy with that medical procedure.

I really didn’t want to do the whole vaginal birth thing. My first pregnancy was in 2007/2008, and people were starting to talk about scheduled C-sections, but talking about scheduling a c-section brought out the birth shaming:

What kind of mother schedules a baby out of convenience?

What kind of mother chooses surgery over nature’s method?

Who chooses surgery?

Me.

ME!!!!!

It wasn’t out of convenience, it was out of fear.

Fear that it would hurt? Fear that there could be complications? Fear that he might get stuck?

Nope.

It was fear that my favourite body part would get all stretched out to hell, and that my sex life would never be the same. While I get the severe pain and invasive nature of a c-section, the longterm effects are minimal. That scar heals up small. It’s rough but it heals. It might even itch. Yes, I know, there’s even the occasional complication. But I’ve never been a big fan of anything that shows off that part of my belly – or any part of my belly – anyways.

I wasn’t afraid of giving birth, I was afraid of vaginal trauma – and, for the record, I was absolutely right. Once you stretch something to its max, it won’t go back. Don’t believe me? Think about how an inflated balloon looks after letting the air out, or how much looser those skin-tight jeans are on the second day.

The Kegel freak that I am, I’ve always Kegeled. It’s a favourite passtime. I’m Kegeling right now.

I like (ahem, liked) having great tone and I really enjoyed the sex I had. Since 2008 I’ve redoubled my Kegel efforts. I took up squats and lunges too, since my friend Anne swore they yielded three times the results.

Nada.

I shouldn’t say nada – I don’t have horrible tone, but I don’t think I’ll ever even approach the tone I had pre-babies. Wasn’t giving up my boobs, my beloved sleep and last shred of sanity enough for the cause? No?  Give up the jayjay too? Fine.

I did, and I’d do it again, if I had to. But why did I have to?

I wanted a scheduled C-section. I didn’t care about schedules or control or even picking the birthdays – I wanted to preserve my vagina.

It was not to be.

My doctor was not one that believed in elective surgery over vaginal delivery. I remember my husband asking her if scheduling would be an option because I’d mentioned it to him. She said absolutely not. It would only happen if it were to become a medical necessity, otherwise she felt I was strong and healthy and there was no reason to take on the risks of surgery.

Now, I’m not sure why. People are allowed to have surgery for all kinds of elective reasons, so why not childbirth?

I know – all of the C-section mamas think I’m crazy, but I bet a few of the 3rd degree tear mamas are saying a resounding “Amen” to all the things I’m preaching.

I get the subtle nuances, the benefits of letting baby come when they want – but as my blood pressure went up, my doctor started talking about induction. Now that’s not all that natural, and it comes with risks – so why threaten to induce me? Just give me my C-section!

My babies were full term and my only goal was to get them out of my body and into this world healthy and safe. Each ended up having some sort of complication that almost required a C-section, so why not JUST GIVE ME MY C-SECTION.

I know lots of moms that just want to experience vaginal birth and feel something was taken from them when they, instead, were rushed into surgery with life-threatening situations. But their kids aren’t any worse off for not sliding into home plate vaginally – so why not just give me my C-section?

Not sure why the stigma still exists around scheduling a C-section. Who really cares if the mom is doing it for her own convenience – or the preservation of her vagina. There are a lot of things we choose to do, and those choices are personal.

But the choice was not there, and my quest for a scheduled C-section went unfulfilled. So, every year on July 27, while wishing my first-born a happy birthday, I take a moment to myself, a moment of silence for my vagina at precisely 2.02pm.

Happy Friday the 13th!

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .

friday the 13

Paraskevidekatriaphobia. Sounds like something my kid coughed up, but it’s actually the technical name for fear of Friday the 13th.

Irrational. Completely.

I know people love their superstitions, but I was born on a Friday the 13th (August, mark it on your calendar, folks) and I’ve grown up knowing the stigma attached to the day – in fact, experiencing it first hand. I’m not even kidding. If I had a dollar for every time someone said “Oh, well that explains a lot” or “Geez, you must be so unlucky” or “Wow, creepy” well, I’d have enough money to buy myself a few nice bottles of birthday champagne every year, anyways!

My mom never failed to tell me that I was born under a lucky star and that Friday the 13th was the luckiest day in the world for her because it was the day she became a mom, and truthfully, it never made me feel bad about myself – but it did totally dumbfound me that people could say things like that to a kid!

Whatever. I love my birthday – ask anyone that knows me. I celebrate it like it’s a national holiday and expect everyone else around me to, too. In fact I celebrate my half birthday in February – take that Paraskevidekatriaphobia-ites!

It’s probably because of my start to life on Friday the 13th that I grew up not having any superstitions. Why should I be afraid of black cats? I don’t walk under ladders because it’s not safe for the person standing on them, but I can spill salt and not throw it everywhere, and there’s no way I’m going to carry around a rabbit’s foot – who thought of that barbaric totem to divine luck. That foot certainly didn’t bring the rabbit who grew it any good ends! Plus, I’ve broken enough mirrors to keep me in bad luck for this life and the next!

The lucky star my mother said I was born under is a nice thought, but my mom always told me to make my own luck. She was one to find a penny and pick it up for all day long she’d have good luck – but she’d also have an extra penny.

Do people teach these superstitions to their kids any more? I keep the penny one going because it always reminds me of my mom, but otherwise? I don’t want my kids growing up with irrational fears, thinking if they cross their fingers they’ll up their chances of making something good happen or having the urge to knock on wood any time they mentions something they want to happen.

It makes me laugh when I see people doing these things out of habbit. Have you ever been speaking with someone when they actually do three knocks on their own head while saying “Knock on wood” for luck, like some oral talisman that will protect them from befalling the wrath of whatever bad may come of daring to speak their hopes and dreams aloud!

While the Friday the 13th stigma will likely stick around – and let’s face it, that namesake slasher flick series didn’t help the cause – embrace the day and make your own luck, it will always be the more successful way to enjoy good things happening to you.

10 Questions with Child Entertainers Sonshine and Broccoli

Posted on by Posted in 10 Questions With .
FEATURE Sonshine and Brocoli

Your kids love to be entertained, but you can’t be the feature attraction 24/7. Birthday parties are an exceptionally good time to hire entertainment. Some entertainers are better than others. Some really know what will keep your child entranced – and how long they can hold that attention before that little body can’t contain it any longer. So what to look for in an entertainer? We caught up with professional child entertainers Sonshine and Broccoli to ask the questions you know you want to know.

Sonshine and Broccoli

1. Why are musical shows engaging for children?

I think we all remember our first concert. Mine ( Sonshine ) was the beach boys. Musical shows are extremely engaging for all kids, from the first clap, to the head bop, to the jump. Kids find music a freedom of their own expression.

2. What time of day is best for keeping kids interested in the performance?

I would say first thing in the morning or after nap time.

3.  Where do you get the energy to entertain kids on a continual basis?

We could be having the worst day but the second we are on stage rockin’ out to an audience of kids, life is just great. The energy truly comes from them. Kids are excited , intrigued and engaged. We often feed off of their energy.

4. How do you know when you are losing the attention span of a child – are there signs?

Ohhh yes. Big signs.

We can plan a show one way and totally decide to change it part way through depending on the age and types of kids in the audience. Sonshine and Broccoli have been called “The Kid Whispers.” There is nothing better than getting their attention from the very first song. We have found that keeping the show very upbeat and interactive works great for us.

5. Should entertainment be at the beginning, middle or end of a party?

Entertainment should be after the first half an hour of a party. Let your guest come in – leave some time for the stragglers – and within 30 to 40 min of the called time it’s great to bring out the entertainment.

6. What size party works best with entertainment?

It completely depends on the party. For more intimate parties, 20 kids is great. For larger parties or events we bring equipment, plug in and rock out to a huge crowd.

performing - sonshine and broccoli

7. Can you customize a show to my child’s age group?

Yes of course. Recently we performed where we were given very little information about a show. The kids happened to be much older than our normal audience. We quickly adjusted our set list and the kids, all the way up to 15, had a blast. We always have tricks up our sleeve.

8. Do you need a large space to have performers at a child’s birthday party?

Not at all. Any performer should be able to accommodate your space. I always say whatever you are comfortable with.

9. What can parents do to make the entertainment part go over well? Should it be hyped on the invite? Part of a theme?

Yes to both. It’s always great to let your guest know who will be performing. It allows the parent and child to go online, check them out on YouTube, get excited about who they will be seeing. I have seen so many fabulous themed parties, from a Far East theme where all the kids were given kimonos to Princess Parties.

10. Why do children love your music?

We have been writing and singing kids’ music for 11 years. When we started writing, the process was so natural: Just put yourself into the mind of a child; the innocence of so many first things , silly things, scary things. We have just released our 3rd album and our music has grown over the years. We are growing with the kids. This new album is a pop rock album and is in the new genre of kindie music. Indie music for kids. We feel that parent and child should really rock out together!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3U0BHzK2Wo&w=420&h=315]

sonshine and broccoliSonshine & Broccoli, AKA Lisa Sonshine and Brock (Broccoli) Burford, have been entertaining parents and their children for over a decade. They’ve just released their third album “It’s A Beautiful Day.” 

Music, always close to the heart and ongoing for Lisa and Brock, is the subject of a documentary, “Learning To Play” currently in post-production.  Developed by the multi-talented duo, “Learning to Play” emerged from seven day collaboration with other musical artists.  A Juno nominated artist, a film/ TV composer, vocal coach, Sonshine & Broccoli song writing students and others, came together in an all ages storytelling look on the power of music in our lives.  The interviews and music from this moving collaboration can be seen on Sonshine & Broccoli’s website. The documentary explores how an early learned love of music can connect people to each other throughout their lives.

Over the past decade, Sonshine & Broccoli have entertained children across the GTA with their high energy interactive shows, sold out performances, In demand Corporate & private events, as well as a Pop Stars songwriting workshop for kids aged 7 to 12 as an after school, PD Day, and camp program. The camp has been recently added to the Toronto Public Library’s Culture Days programming.

Sonshine & Broccoli brings out the song in all of us.

twitter @s_bmusic