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Tag Archives: twins

10 questions with a surrogate mother

Posted on December 27, 2015 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in 10 Questions With .

8 Months

photo: Marabuchi

They want a baby but need someone to do the gestating. A surrogate is able to do that. But it’s a strange scenario, lending out your womb, perhaps donating your eggs, too. We caught up with mother of two and two-time surrogate, Samantha, from York, Pennsylvania, to ask the questions you know you want to know about being a surrogate.

1. What were your reasons for becoming a surrogate?

I had wanted to be a surrogate since nursing school (2001), however I wanted to be sure my family was complete before I looked into doing it. The absolute joy my children give is something I have been honored to give to someone else.

2. How many surro-babies have you had?

I’ve completed a surrogacy with 1 child and I’m currently pregnant with my second surrogacy – possibly twins! It’s still early on, but well on the way.

3. How can you go about finding a family to hire you?

Some surrogates go “indy” – independent – where they have found a couple outside of an agency. I was indy my first time and used an agency this time.

4. Do you have to go through a lot of screening?

Yes, LOTS!  You must have a recent full check up, screened for STDS and have a psych evaluation completed before beginning the process.

feature newborn

photo: Joshua Rappeneker

5. What is the financial compensation – is it just money or are there other benefits? Are you paid for each implantation or only for a viable pregnancy? 

Most intended parents do send other gifts like gift baskets, some will have their surrogate go for massages, mani/pedis. There is a payment for the embryo transfer which can vary and is agreed upon during the contract phase. The next payment is after a positive blood pregnancy test and monthly payments start after that.

6. Do you donate your eggs or just rent out your uterus? Is the compensation a lot higher if they use your eggs? Can they ask you to carry multiples or is it a singleton every time (and does the rate go up if twins happen?)

I personally cannot use my eggs due to genetic reasons, but I can carry.

There are 2 types of surrogates. Traditional Surrogates (TS) and Gestational Surrogates (GS) or Gestational Carriers (GC). TS is where they use the surrogate’s egg and GS or GC are carriers with no genetic relation to the baby.

During the matching phase they will include in your profile whether you are willing to carry twins or only a singleton. The intended parents can choose you if they are looking for someone to carry twins. That rate is normally only a couple thousand more – it’s not double, like a lot of people assume it is.

According to Circle Surrogacy, the rate a surrogate GS can expect is around $25,000 to $30,000 base fee plus up to $25,000 in additional compensation. It depends on state, whether the surrogate is a first-timer, as experienced surrogates are paid more. Surrogacy America places the fees slightly higher, at $40,000 to $50,000 plus expenses, though Samantha explains that this fee may only be for somewhere like California, where rates are at a premium.

There are other variables besides multiples that affect the cost – C-section, egg donation, lost wages, travel expenses, clothing allowance, life insurance and other elements can be part of the payment and included in the expenses paid by the intended parents. These are defined in the contract between surrogate and intended parents.

In Canada, surrogacy is priced out differently and the breakdown gives a range of $18,000 to $45,000+ through Surrogacy in Canada.

pregnancy test surrogate mother

photo: Tips Times Admin

7. Are there a lot of limitations on your lifestyle when you surro? Sex? Activities? Foods? Can they ask you to do yoga or take pre-natals or do you have to take other meds? 

Some intended parents want things very strict, it is stipulated in the contract. My first time, the parents asked that I limit fast food – not a big deal for me. If you are in a relationship there are timeframes where you are not allowed to have sex because of the risk of you getting pregnant. Otherwise it’s ok, unless your OBGYN has reasons to medically limit sex.  Pre-natals are a must do, and there are a good bit of other meds. They take over your cycle by meds. There are injections and other meds that start before the transfer then continue until around 10 weeks of the pregnancy. These are to help ensure that the body is ready and that the pregnancy takes hold after the transfer.

8. Does the surro-family want to be involved with your pregnancy throughout for the experience? Be there for the delivery? Is the baby with you for any length of time after delivery? Breast feeding?

Some are more involved then others – distance can be a big factor so it means lots of phone interaction. Most parents will come into the area towards the end of the pregnancy. My intended parents were in the room for delivery and the intended parents are planning on it for this time.  Typically, once born, the baby is with the parents, but they do allow the surrogate – and sometimes family – in to hold and visit.  Breastfeeding is very uncommon because of the bonding and possible problems that can happen.  Some surros will pump for the baby.

9. How do your other kids handle the situation of mommy carrying a baby but them not getting a brother or sister out of it?

I explained to my kids in as simple terms as I could what was going on, and that it was not my baby.  This time they understand a little more being 9 and 7.

feature belly

photo: S ‘Lucy Sky’ Diamond-Jones

10. Do you want to have any connection with the baby/family after? Or is it like a closed adoption? Is it hard to give up or can you stay unattached because you know you’re doing the pregnancy, not having your own child?

This depends on distance as well. I asked for my family to be closer this time for that reason – and that, because my labor could go quickly, so in case I deliver early, they would hopefully make it in time. I get to see pictures of my first surro-baby, but they are 8 hours away, so it makes it hard to just stop by. There is some detachment knowing its not my child, but I do happily go back to sleeping all night after delivery 🙂

Tags: baby, featuredxx, gestational surrogate, intended parents, newborn, pregnancy, surrogate, traditional surrogate, twins .

10 Questions with the mother of twins

Posted on November 28, 2015 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in 10 Questions With .
mom of twins

mom of twinsAll of us moms have had that moment at the beginning of our pregnancies where we wonder “Could it be twins?” To some the possibility of twins brings delight, it’s such a unique experience – and you get to skip over the effort and discomfort of a second pregnancy – two for 1! To others it’s a bit of a fear – extra-huge, more risk, greater expense and more family than you’d planned! Urban Suburban Mommy caught up with a mother of twins to ask the questions you know you want to know about having twins. From Cypress, Texas, Fawn is the mother of 7 month old twin girls and two boys aged 5 and 7:

1. Having had singletons before having twins, you have some perspective here. Is it harder to have twins than 2 singles close in age?

Oh gosh, yeah. For me? Definitely. My older son (Seamus, now 7) was a little over two years old when the younger one (Liam, now 5) was born. That age gap, combined with their personalities, was just about perfect. The older one was potty trained, able to mostly feed himself, and just all around a pleasant little guy before his brother came along. So I really only had one baby to worry about.

I guess this is where I should admit that I’m honestly just not a “baby person.” Lots of people LOVE newborns; while I love my babies, I find newborns to be completely exhausting and unreasonable people.

So having two at once, for me, has been significantly more difficult. I think I’d prefer twins, though, over two babies a year or so apart – that would probably be even harder!

2. Were you hoping for twins or was that something that seemed crazy?

Honestly, I was specifically hoping for NOT twins. Liam’s best friends are a set of twins, and while I love them to pieces, I saw how difficult their infancy was for their parents. After I found out I was pregnant, but before I knew they were twins, I was invited to a twin baby shower. I spent much of the time there giving thanks that it was her, and not me, having twins. So much for mother’s intuition…

3. Do you sleep?

Not much. But when I do, I’m darn good at it.

4. Do twins run in your family?

Nope. My girls are identical, though, which isn’t hereditary. Science has yet to determine exactly what causes identical twinning. (And just a gentle FYI: lots of twin parents get upset by this question, because it sounds like you’re trying to ask if they used fertility treatments. We didn’t.)

5. How did you handle the news when you found out?

The short answer: I freaked the heck out.

mom of twinsThe much longer answer: I had an ultrasound at eight weeks along, which showed one baby. And the first half of my pregnancy was pretty similar to my two previous pregnancies. So when it was time for the anatomy scan at 19 weeks, we were convinced it was a third son. My husband needed to work, so I asked my mother-in-law if she’d like to come to the ultrasound with me and the two older boys. We agreed that I’d email him the results, because another boy was no big surprise, and because he couldn’t take a phone call at work.

Not long after the technician began the ultrasound, she asked if I’d had a scan previously. I told her yes, that the OB had done it. She said, “So then, you know, right?” I explained that the ultrasound had been done at eight weeks, so there was no way we’d know the gender. She started giggling. She told us there were two babies. Twins. And both girls. I was sure she was joking (she’s a pretty funny person, generally). My mother-in-law was sure she was joking. It took nearly ten minutes for us to believe her.

She couldn’t believe the doctor had missed it, and neither could we. My first words, once the news sank in, were, “We are going to be so poor.” The ultrasound tech looked me straight in the eyes and told me, “Children don’t make you poor. They make you RICH.” And she was so, so right!

So, since it was agreed upon, and since I didn’t want him to worry, I emailed my husband right there in the ultrasound room. Only two words: “It’s girlS.” He was so in shock, he had to ask a coworker to read it and explain it to him, and walked around in a daze for the rest of the day.

The moral of the story is, YES, it is possible, in this day and age, to be surprised by twins halfway through your pregnancy!

6. Were you really huge when you were pregnant? What size were they at birth?

mom of twinsI was not. I wish I could say I was. That would be pretty cool! I was in uncharacteristically good shape when I got pregnant with the girls. I’d been running for eight or nine months beforehand, and continued to run 12-15 miles a week and do high intensity interval training until I was 12 weeks pregnant. Then the fatigue just beat me, and I couldn’t work out anymore. That was lucky; in a twin pregnancy, moms are generally encouraged to gain quite a bit more weight early on than in a singleton pregnancy. That way, the babies have the best chance of being at a healthy weight, even if they’re delivered early.

As it was, I packed on as much weight as I could – once I knew I needed to. I gained about 40 pounds total. I was smaller to begin with than with my previous two pregnancies, so in the end, I weighed about the same at delivery all three times. And my “waist” measurement (if you can call that a waist!) was actually a little bit bigger with my first than with twins! The girls were almost six weeks early, though, so who’s to say how big I could have gotten if they’d cooked a little longer.

At birth (at 34 weeks, 3 days gestation), Ellie was 4 pounds, 2 ounces and JoJo was 3 pounds, 12 ounces. Currently, at seven months, they’re over 15 pounds each!

7. Was it harder to carry twins?

mom of twinsNot until the third trimester. The first half of my pregnancy was pretty similar to my singletons. I was definitely more tired, but I was also five years older than the last time I was pregnant, so I chalked it up to that. Lots of people have worse morning sickness. I’ve never really had morning sickness, so that wasn’t a factor.

By about 24 weeks, I reached a point where I woke up at 2 a.m. every night with aching hips, and I’d sleep the rest of the night on the sofa. At 30 weeks, my whole body ached all the time, and by 32 weeks, I was pretty miserable. It’s tough to describe. It seemed like they were fighting each other all the time, and the only time I didn’t hurt down in my bones was when I was floating in a warm bath. I was on modified bed rest at that point, since preterm labor was a concern. I wasn’t any bigger than with previous pregnancies, but it was definitely a lot more work!

8. Did you even consider breastfeeding? Is it possible with twins?

It’s totally possible, and lots of people do it! Did I consider it? No, for lots of reasons. It’s not a decision most people (including me) make lightly, but it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Fed is best!

9. Is it hard to tell which is which?

mom of twinsThat kind of depends! Not usually, although if they’re wearing hats, or I look at them from a weird angle, or if it’s dark, it’s easy to get them confused. They are identical, but they don’t look exactly alike (I’ve heard it explained like this: if you cut an apple in half, the two halves won’t necessarily look exactly the same). Positioning in utero, unequal sharing of the placenta, and epigenetics can all cause little differences.

Ellie has longer hair and a rounder face; JoJo has a little pointy chin. At birth, Ellie just looked like a preemie; JoJo looked like a tiny version of a normal, full-term baby. There’s something about their eyes that’s different, although I can’t define it. A friend of mine says that’s just their souls shining out. I like that sentiment.

10. What’s the best thing about having twins?

mom of twinsThe cuteness is killer. Almost literally. Sometimes, they’re so cute together I’m afraid I might forget to breathe. They’re two little bitty girls, with almost the same face, holding hands or giggling at each other or snuggling up together.

It blows my mind that, at one point, they were just one person. One tiny embryo. And it held so much personality and potential that it couldn’t just be one person. So it split in two. And now, they get to grow up together, side by side and in each other’s lives and arms and hearts. And, yeah, it kind of sounds like a Hallmark movie – but that’s the kind of relationship most of us will never know. I am so excited to have a front row seat!

FYI – Some other interesting info about twins:

While most people are familiar with two types of twins (identical and fraternal), there are three types of twin pregnancy. Most are dichorionic/diamniotic (or di/di, meaning two placentas and two amniotic sacs). This is the least risky type of twin pregnancy, since each baby is supported by its own placenta. Most di/di twins are fraternal, though an early enough embryo split can result in di/di identicals.

The next most common is monochorionic/diamniotic (mo/di, meaning one placenta, but separate amniotic sacs). These are always identical (my girls were mo/di). This is a riskier pregnancy. Because the babies share one placenta, there’s a chance of twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, or TTTS. TTTS is caused by unequal sharing of the placenta or blood flow, and can be deadly for one or both twins. It occurs in about 15% of monochorionic pregnancies, and can develop very rapidly, so regular monitoring is crucial. Other placental issues are also common, which is why it’s currently recommended that mo/di twins be delivered before 37 weeks gestation. The rate of stillbirth increases after that, making it safer for the babies to be delivered prematurely than hold out in hopes of reaching full term.

The rarest type is monochorionic/monoamniotic (or mo/mo – one placenta, one amniotic sac). Mo/mo twin pregnancies account for about 5% of all identical twin pregnancies, and are the latest to split. Among these are conjoined twins. This type of twin pregnancy requires vigilant monitoring to watch for cord entanglement, TTTS, and other complications. They will always be delivered early via c-section, and have about a 60% chance of survival.

Because many factors (heredity, diet, parental age, fertility treatments, etc.) influence the rates of fraternal twinning, the percentage of twins across the globe varies widely. Fraternal twins account for about 2% of the U.S. population. Identical twinning has yet to be explained, and remains at a steady 3 out of 1,000 pregnancies across all populations.

mom of twins

Tags: featuredxx, identical, mo/di, premie, twins .

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