The Struggle is Real – Page 7 – Urban Suburban Mommy

“Me Time” even if it means staying up late…

Posted on April 28, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in The Struggle is Real .

I am almost always tired. I usually fall into bed at a reasonable hour – most nights anyways. But every once in a while I need to stay up late. Sometimes it’s binging on a TV show or reading or taking a bath. Occasionally I need to have a marathon gab session with my bestie. And every once in a long while I find myself just Googling the hell out of weird stuff until I’ve gone so far down a rabbit hole I find myself reading about vestigial tails.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFxu7NEoKC8&w=560&h=315]

I used to be a night owl. I’m still more myself at night than I am in the first 5 or 6 hours I’m up – especially when my day starts at 6am!

The days are filled with cleaning and housekeeping and long hours at work. There’s fun with the kids and chores and teaching and learning. It’s all good, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But every now and then I need a few hours of ‘me’ time.

It took me a long time to understand that ‘me time’ wasn’t a bad thing, and it wasn’t because I wasn’t enjoying the rest of my day. “Me time” is just pretty rare and much too indulgent when there are other little wonderous human beings depending on you for each and every one of their needs. They just come first. And bit by bit, you forget to do your own stuff.

“Me time” is worth staying up for – once in a while!

Parenting solo for one day: A timeline

Posted on April 22, 2016 by Alexis Nicols Posted in The Struggle is Real .

There are typically two of us on the weekend, but when my husband has a big work event, his evenings and weekends get slammed. The following is a timeline of one day of parenting alone. I don’t know how how single parents do this.

Respect.

8:30 a.m. – Daddy leaves to go to work
9:30 – We spend the morning with family, enjoying the great outdoors and watching people make maple syrup. Nate eats his body weight in maple sugar candy, but I’m not worried. What can go wrong?
11:00 – We get home. Nate has pushed the car all the way home while shrieking like an ambulance. That first part is mostly untrue.
12:00 p.m. – Nate wants lunch. I make the lunch. Nate does not recall ever asking for lunch and would never EVER eat anything I make and refuses to touch it. At least he doesn’t throw it.

photo: Mindaugas Danys

1:20 – I suggest we go to the park.
1:22 – I smell something.
1:40 – After changing the baby (aka Poomicus Colossus), we pack up and 30 minutes later are on our way.
2:20 – At the park, some older kids start laughing at Nate when he tries to initiate a game of “Good Guys/Bad Guys”. It’s a struggle not to interfere
a) because he doesn’t know they’re laughing at him and
b) apparently it’s considered bad parenting to fight all of your child’s battles for him. Pfft.
2:30 – I will not step on their necks, I will not crush them like bugs, I will let my son figure it out.
2:32 – Consider writing my own parenting book called “Mess With My Son And I’ll Come At You Like A Cracked-Out Howler Monkey.” I would buy that book.
2:35 – Good news: no tears, no fights and he found another kid to play with. Crisis averted.
4:30 – Home again. Nate wants to do arts and crafts. I set the dining room table up with every conceivable craft accoutrement imaginable. He writes the numbers “1” and “0” over and over again on a piece of paper. I wonder briefly if he’s writing binary code for “my mom is phoning it in today. Send backup.”
4:35 – Nate is done with arts and crafts. He spends the next 15 minutes helping me make toast. It should be noted that no one actually wants to eat toast. He just enjoys putting bread in the toaster and pressing the lever down.
5:30 – Dinner. Nate eats a cream cheese bagel and I make macaroni with tuna for me and the baby. He eats none of the macaroni, but has a lot of fun decorating the floor. I get one lukewarm mouthful and eat the rest off his chin. Surprisingly, no one wants fruit.
6:15 – Nate wants to watch cartoons on my phone, even though his favourite show is on TV. Ben’s running around with a bowl on his head and eating a FreshCo receipt. I take this opportunity to drink my last glass of wine. It was left uncorked and I detect notes of both fruit and stale vinegar. I give zero poops.
6:16 – We’ve officially gone feral.
7:00 – I go to the washroom by myself, lock the door and spend 10 blissful minutes alone.
7:00 – None of that happened. I peed with the door wide open, the baby in the bathtub and Nathan on the stool, asking me why I don’t have a penis.
7:45 – Bedtime. Nate sleeps in my bed and the baby wakes up 14 times before I give up and bring him into the bed with us, where he proceeds to nurse happily for the rest of the night. Everyone sleeps.
8:30 – Daddy comes home, wakes me up and tells me how exhausted he is.

The things I find myself doing…

Posted on April 18, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in The Struggle is Real .

My former self would never have imagined the situations I’d find myself in and the things I’d say when I had kids.

I’m saving this top 10 list to remind myself exactly what I went through when they’re teenagers so that I can vindicate myself accordingly.

10. Why did you just wipe your nose on my shirt?

9. No, the cat does not want another bath.

8. If the toy is being bad and making you fight, then I’m going to have to give the toy a time out.

7. Please don’t throw up on me again.

6. Who peed on the bathroom wall?

5. Santa is not bringing you a gold bar or a mansion for Christmas.

4. If you don’t like it you don’t have to eat it, but please don’t spit it out on my plate.

3. Why did you put that into the toilet?

2. Did you wipe your bum?

1. No, I don’t want to smell your feet.

Only some of my best moments, I can’t even really put them into order.

Surviving The Threenager

Posted on April 13, 2016 by Alexis Nicols Posted in The Struggle is Real .

I have a Threenager. This summer, he’ll be a Fournado – but let’s deal with one emotional apocalypse at a time.

My son has feelings. Big, big, nuclear feelings. They are spectacular to witness, in much the same way that the good people of Nevada were awed by hydrogen bomb testing.

Threenagers are an enigma, wrapped in Tasmanian devil on crack and surrounded by mess. Our morning routine used to be a recipe for disaster: Add a dash of dawdling and stir in a healthy cup of I-will-not-do-anything-you-ask-me-to-do-until-you-reach-a-pitch-that-only-dogs-can-hear. Our mornings used to be an endless power struggle that started the moment we woke up.

I knew there had to be a better way to communicate with my son, a method that empowered him and enabled us to parent him in a way that achieved long term goals. My partner and I took a class led by an Adlerian Parent Educator.

After applying some of her techniques and following her suggestions, we saw an almost immediate change in our oldest son. I’m not advocating one school of thought over another, or that this method works with every child across the board. In my home these suggestions worked for my child and ultimately, for our entire household. Here are just a few things we learned:

1. Let It Go (don’t sing the song. Just.Don’t.)

This was a hard one for me. I manage everything in my home. And it’s exhausting. My morning monologue used to sound like this:

“Time to get dressed, get dressed please, here are your clothes, do you need help? Get dressed get dressed please get dressed, please brush your teeth here let me help you with the toothpaste stop eating the toothpaste brush your teeth top AND bottom, stop chewing the toothbrush, please sit down and eat breakfast, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, eat your breakfast, eat it please god just eat it please eat your breakfast, time to get your coat on get your coat on get your coat on are you listening to me? Stop pushing your brother and get your coat on fine I’m leaving if you don’t get your coat on in 5 seconds…”

And so on…

After the class, we just…stopped. Stopped arguing with him, stopped the power struggle, stopped trying to tell him what we think is best. This is closer to what I say now:

“Your clothes are on the bed for you. See you downstairs when you’re dressed and we’ll have breakfast.”

“Time to get our coats on. Here are your boots, I’ll meet you at the door.”

We’re letting him do as much for himself as he is capable of. The results were amazing; as soon as we stopped telling him what to do, he became more amenable to doing for himself. The process took time (about two weeks of script-flipping) and it’s not perfect (he intentionally wears his shirts or pants backwards and getting him to sit through breakfast can be challenging), but he’s making more of his own choices and he’s learning to live with the consequences of his actions in an age-appropriate way.

2. We Know His Limits

There was a brief period of time when we didn’t go out with other people. The thought of scheduling a play date sent me into b*tch-panic. And forget restaurants. I remember taking the threenager (along with his baby brother) to his first birthday party for a school friend. I only remember a whirlwind of chasing, spilling and endless “no thank you’s”.

At one point, I had tied a balloon to his wrist so I could find him. Now, we give him limited choices, prepare him for the day in advance and watch for early meltdown signs (fatigue and hunger are the main killers.) I still get anxious when we go out, but as long as it’s early enough in the day and in a controlled environment, weekends are much, much more enjoyable.

3. Respect Yourself

Ultimately, I can’t control my threenager – and I wouldn’t want to. Do I want him to grow up to be a compliant people-pleaser? Of course not. But I can control me and my reactions. Sometimes, he acts up and lashes out (remember big feelings?) A few months ago, we had Wafflegate. My son, who will only eat waffles if they are whole and un-cut, was barely picking at his breakfast. I asked him if it might be easier to eat if I cut it up for him. He said yes (he was distracted. I take full responsibility.) Well didn’t that child take one look at his easier-to-eat waffles and flip his s**t – along with his syrupy plate full of food – all over the floor. The old me, who never fully healed her inner child, would have agonized and freaked out. But at that moment, I realized that I couldn’t make him see my point of view or apologize, but I could respect myself enough to walk away.

“Here,” I said, returning with a cloth. “You can clean up.”

Him: “Make me another waffle!”

Me: “Ohhh, no…no more waffles. Breakfast is over. You get nothing.”

Him: “I get…nothing?”

Me: “Well, not nothing. You get to clean up the mess.”

I didn’t yell, I didn’t fume, I didn’t resent him. But I wasn’t about to give him another chance to treat me poorly. And he wasn’t going to starve over it either.

I’m not perfect. Sometimes I lose my patience and yell. Sometimes, I sit in the bathroom with the door locked and cry for five minutes. Sometimes I feel like it’s a threenager’s world and we’re all just surviving in it, Lord-of-the-Flies-style. But the limit-testing, the challenging behaviour and the button-pushing are all signs that he’s developing exactly as he should be.

At the end of the day, I’d rather have a child who stands up for himself and has loads of confidence.

Having said that, come talk to me when he turns four…

The grandparent situation

Posted on April 11, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in The Struggle is Real .

the grandparent siguation - nana helen and grampsy leo

My kids have grandparents, but they don’t have “grandparents.”

When I was a kid, my Nana Helen and Grampsy Leo would dote over me. They let me sleep over pretty much every weekend. They indulged me when I had special occasions. They were the ones I wanted when I had a problem, a secret or just needed comfort. My Nana Helen always had a bottomless pot of chicken soup on the stove and a vat of homemade applesauce in the fridge, and my grandfather would wake up at dawn to go to the bagel shop and bring home a dozen while they were still warm.

My parents were 23 and 24 when they had me. My grandparents were about 55 when I was born. They loved having me – us, all of their grandchildren – and spent a lot of time with us.

My own mother really wanted to be a grandmother. She was always asked when I would have kids, and I always tortured her with the “I’m never having kids!” line. I was a free spirit in my 20s, and I had no plans for settling down, even as I hit 30.

She passed away a few months after my 30th birthday. She was 54.

“Dad, do I look pregnant to you?” I asked, with that tell-tale smile plastered on my face. He was he lit up like a traffic light. But, unfortunately, he passed away at the age of 61, when my first son was only 6 weeks old.

While my parents died fairly young, one of the inevitable drawbacks of starting a family at the latter end of childbearing age is that you don’t always get to have your parents there with you. At 40, your parents are hitting their 60s and 70s – or older. They may be with you, but they’re not necessarily up for the sleepovers and big days out. They’re not up for chasing after a toddler or having a couple of little ones race around their home leaving a trail of mess wherever they roam.

What’s even more difficult, many 40-something parents who have small children are dealing with sleep exhaustion, tantrums and the energy of young children, and simultaneously dealing with parents and/or inlaws that are starting to decline in health, perhaps losing a parent, and having to deal with the stress that old age brings – health problems, financial issues, limited ability to live independently and the struggles that come with that phase of life.

Many of us are in the position of looking after both young children and elderly parents.

Our kids don’t get those grandparents that dote on them. They don’t get the sleepovers, the cuddles, the confidants and the warm, loving memories. Our ‘advanced maternal age’ has taken away the opportunity for our kids to know their grandparents the way we knew ours.

And though it’s our own doing, it’s just not fair.

The birthday party rant

Posted on April 8, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in The Struggle is Real .

I’m betting I’m not alone in this, so feel free to give me your 2 cents.

Birthday parties drive me nuts! These kid parties are out of control.

Now let me preface this rant by saying, I love throwing birthday parties, I love everything birthday! I think it’s a great opportunity to celebrate. That’s not the problem. It’s the insanity that has started to swirl around the birthday party expectations that’s making my head hurt.

The presents:

I have a $25 limit on birthday presents. I like my kids to pick out their own gifts, since they know what their friends like. I actually take the time to have my kids add stickers, make cards, draw on the paper and have some fun with it – as long as I’ve remembered before the party and am not racing across town to try to get them there on time and whipping into the local toystore last minute (thank goodness they offer free gift-wrapping services!!).

But I’ve got 2 kids. They’re well liked and get invited to a lot of birthdays. We’ve had weekends where there are two birthday parties for each kid. $100 in presents, and that’s not the only parties they’ll have that month. It gets EXPENSIVE! People complain about the cost of daycare, the cost of diapers, well here I am to add birthday gifts to that list! Never mind that my weekends are not my own.

I kind of like these new ‘group gift’ sites that handle the guestlist. There’s one that is used pretty commonly around here, where the child receives money and splits it between a specific present they’re saving for and a charity of their choice. So instead of 25 Lego sets the kid can buy a bike and donate to the local animal rescue. You just transfer the cash right then and there while you’re RSVPing and you’re done.

I don’t love the ‘expectation’ of gift giving, even though it absolutely is an expectation, but it’s organized and easy and so I’m good with this.

The venues:

I feel lucky that my kids are spring and summer babies, I can have parties outdoors. Living in the city, I have a small house that doesn’t easily accommodate more than 5 kids at a time. I feel they won’t remember specific gifts, but they will remember the big, fun parties, so I try to throw them at a community centre party room or the big park at the end of the street. I like to invite the whole class and always offer that siblings are welcome. I find it no trouble at all to bake up a few extra cupcakes and make it fun for all.

I can’t understand some of the venues in the city. I just can’t justify $500, $600, $800 on a kid’s birthday party! It’s not even so much about the money (although I think that is steep!), it’s about the expectations we’re creating for our kids. With a small home, I get it. We need to find a venue, and frankly, it’s pretty sweet to be able to pack up and leave the mess for someone else to clean up, but the aquarium, science centre, museum – these ‘high-end’ party venues don’t make sense to me. The guest list is extremely small, the cost per child very high and then, it seems, there’s a need to outdo other parties, or ‘better than last year’ even.

SMDH. They’re 6, they don’t even know.

The birthday child:

These big venues, the big productions, this can be a bit overwhelming to the birthday child. Know what I hate the most though?

All of the presents.

In years past I tried “your presence is presents enough” type cuteness for No Gifts Please, but they got gifts anyways. And the kids want gifts. My husband pointed out that it was all part of the party expectations for our children. That they would be sad to have all their gifts taken away. Instead, they open them up slowly, over the following few weeks, and enjoy them one at a time – instead of opening them all at once and being overwhelmed and undergrateful.

And all of the gifts – they have enough toys. As much as I LOOOOOOVE Lego, superheroes, trucks, Skylanders and Transformers, they have enough. We tried the “one in, one out” method, but it was painful. We’ve asked them to donate, but I don’t think they’re quite ready for that yet, last year my older one was so stressed out about having to pick what to give away and not enjoy that I quickly put the kybosh on that idea. Why have a party if it’s going to stress your kid out?

The invitations:

I love designing their invitations. I have them printed up at the local copy store and even though I get rave compliments – and offer to do them for other mamas – they’re actually cheaper than buying invites. Especially when you’re handing out 30-40 of them. (Or 60 – like last year, when instead of giving them out to the daycare and the class, Urban Suburban Daddy misunderstood my instructions and stuffed them into all of the daycare cubbies of the other two classes. So we had 3 daycare classes, a school class plus siblings. Lesson learned.)

I also email the invitations to all of the parents. I never know if the kids get them home or not. My son occasionally gives me an invite a few days after a party has already happened.

The politics & the fallout:

“I invited him but he didn’t invite me.”

“I wanted to sit next to the birthday girl.”

“I wanted the piece of cake with the blue rose.”

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHFFFFFFFTTTTTT

Seriously. Sit back at a birthday party and notice how many little squabbles occur over the course of the 2.5 hours. Kids have developed these crazy expectations and are indulged in ways they can’t manage. They are fed junk food and sugared up, and then sent home to mama a very wired, hot mess.

Is it a drop-off party? Do I stay? Do I go? What do I do with my other child if it’s not a drop-off party and numbers are a big deal? I’ve tried to pay for my other child, I’ve tried to find another parent who can take mine. I’ve tried to understand why my son would sooner give up his XBOX than miss a birthday party. It’s a social standing and a testament of friendship – plus they get to do all kinds of cool stuff, from circus classes to science experiments, to being taught how to make pizza.

I have no idea what the solution is, but I feel much better getting that off of my chest!

Suburban Mommy Michelle adds: My son just recently started JK and I too feel like I have now become part of the birthday turbine. In fact, I do remember dropping a pretty penny on my son’s last 4 birthdays. In fact, for what I spent on his 1st birthday party, our family could have enjoyed a vacation instead! Our second is born in the summer, so hoping this helps with eliminating some costs on venue. I do agree that birthdays are out of control – now that I think of it – so is every holiday. We have become such a commercial society. Perhaps instead of presents this year, I will ask if parents minded chipping in for things like daycare, diapers, formula..you get the drill.

Tips on overcoming picky eaters from leading kids nutritionist Aviva Allen

Posted on April 7, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in The Struggle is Real .

How many of us parents can say that our children are picky eaters. Some of us may even say that we have also picky spouses to tend with when trying to meal plan and prepare healthy meals. We sat down with kids nutritionist Aviva Allen who has some great tips to share about easy meal prep, making good food choices for your family as well as overcoming objections from the little ones.

1. Can every child be inspired to be a good eater?

I think that every child can be inspired to become a better eater. It is important to allow your child to explore new foods at their own pace. We can continue to expose them to foods that we eat and when they are ready, they will try them and eventually learn to like them too.

2. How do you convert a picky eater into a good or better eater?

The goal is not to convert them. Eating is a learned behavior and as parents, we are their best teachers and need to lead by example. That being said, if you are dealing with a picky eater, getting to the root of why your child eats the way that they do is key in terms of figuring out how best to help them. Sometimes it can be as simple as removing pressure when it comes to feeding, changing the mealtime structure/routine or making the food more visually appealing. Other times it involves addressing some oral-motor, sensory or nutritional concerns first before any other strategies will be effective.

3. Are all prepared foods or boxed foods bad?

Not necessarily. It is important to read ingredients and not just look at the nutritional panel and to limit processed foods which are often high in sodium and refined sugar. We definitely want to focus on fresh, whole, unprocessed foods, but you can also find some nutritious foods that come in packages which can be helpful time-savers.

4. How do you help parents who are working late and/or have limited time to prepare healthy meals?

Try using a Crockpot or cooking in large batches to freeze some for a future meal. Plan meals in advance and do as much prep work as you can the night before. There are also lots of produce delivery and healthy meal prep services available that may be an option, depending on your budget.

5. When kids ask for a treat (hoping for cookies etc.) – what do you suggest as a healthy alternative?

Fresh fruit can be offered, but homemade cookies or muffins made with healthy ingredients can be a good option. Remember that you are in charge of when food is being served and what is on the menu. Just because the kids are asking for a “treat” doesn’t mean you need to oblige.

Aviva Allen is one of Toronto’s leading Kids’ Nutritionists specializing in helping parents deal with their picky eaters. After obtaining certification from The Canadian School of Natural Nutrition, Aviva went on to graduate from the Natural Gourmet Institute for Health and Culinary Arts in New York City; a health-supportive chef training program with an emphasis on cooking with whole, unprocessed foods. Aviva has also received specialty pediatric training that has allowed her to support parents of children who are extremely picky and/or resistant eaters. www.avivaallen.com

@AvivaAllen @kidsnutritionist

Random thoughts at 3AM

Posted on April 6, 2016 by Alexis Nicols Posted in The Struggle is Real .

I compiled this list during a time when the baby was very new and still waking to eat during the night (the situation has since improved. Now he only wakes me up for really important things, like a crease in his blanket or he heard someone pass wind in Kapuskasing.) Continue reading →

Mamas and menopause

Posted on April 1, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in The Struggle is Real .

Menopause.

I know, right? We spend most of our lives trying not to have babies, we finally get around to having them around 40, and then – like we need to be kicked when we’re down – bam! Menopause hits.

I Don’t Have Hot Flashes

When you have the ‘late maternal age’ babies – 40 is the new baby after all – whether you like it or not, it means menopause is right around the corner. Dr. Nicholas Sieveking, a Board Certified Stanford University Plastic Surgeon with Fellowship Training in Anti-Aging and Functional Medicine, spoke with Urban Suburban Mommy about some of the startling facts that come with “The Change” that we late blooming mamas don’t really think much about. Hot flashes? It’s not just the heat from chasing a toddler. Mood swings? Not just sleep deprivation. We’re being bombarded with hormones while we’re focussed on babies and it’s no surprise we often find ourselves wondering if we’re quite up to all of this. We are, it’s just that we’ve chosen to have babies on the brink of menopause, and the more we understand it, accept it and embrace it, the easier the transition will be.

Sieveking understands that “Menopause can surely be a crazy time in a woman’s life. Not only does it signal the fact that she can no longer procreate, she will most likely suffer from some symptoms; physical, mental or both. As the body is depleted of estrogen, bones lose calcium and become more brittle which can lead to osteoporosis, hormonal fluctuations prompt hot flashes and night sweats and vaginal dryness can become a problem.

“And of course, as with anything, there are myths floating around about menopause from when it will hit to the best way to combat its symptoms. Here’s are some things I hear from patients which serve as a relatable rundown to help women navigate their way through what can be, a very confusing time.”

1. I just had my last baby 4 years ago! I’m only 40! How can I be perimenopausal?

While it’s been largely believed that menopause begins at 50, this just isn’t true. The average age to begin menopause tends to be 52, but women can actually begin anywhere from their 30’s to 60’s. Perimenopause, the shift leading up to menopause, can begin anywhere from a few months until a year before actual menopause starts. Symptoms include – but aren’t limited to – night sweats, trouble sleeping through the night, shorter or irregular periods, crashing fatigue, sore muscles, dizziness, changes in nails and hair.

It’s important for women to keep a health log of any changes they notice in their bodies after age 35 and mention them to their doctors during checkups.

Hot Flash Body Mist

2. I’m not menopausal! I haven’t even had one hot flash.

Hot flashes and menopause seem to go hand in hand. But they are not always the first sign.

While most women experience hot flashes not every woman does, so if they aren’t aware of the other emotional or mental changes they may solely focus on the physical changes.

The start of menopause can also be signalled by anxiety, depression, fuzzy or unclear thinking with inability to focus, low libido, forgetfulness, short temperedness or irritability. Pay attention to how you are feeling day to day. The more attuned you are to your body the sooner you’ll flag any changes.

3. Weight gain comes with the territory. Nothing I can do will change that.

As estrogen is depleted, the body may experience hormonal imbalance. The body often responds by trying to protect itself and a main way of doing that is storing fat. But women don’t have to gain weight without a fight. Some ways to keep a well-maintained weight are:

Look for high-fiber foods. They can help with constipation, which is often associated with menopause because lack of estrogen can decrease bowel activity.
Eat plenty of calcium and vitamin D-rich foods, like low-fat dairy products, green leafy vegetables, beans and fish. They help to keep bones strong.
Give soy a try. Soy contains estrogen. While the jury is still out on whether soy can actually help, it can’t hurt. Add it to your diet for a month or so and see if it has any effect. Drink 1-2 cups of soy milk or eat a cup of edamame on a daily basis.
Women need 1,000 – 1,500 mg daily of calcium and 800 units of vitamin D daily. It’s very hard to get that much through food alone. Supplements are very helpful.
In addition to helping battle the bulge, walking, jogging and strength training can help stimulate bone growth and increase bone density. Balancing exercises can help with strength and will make you less likely to fall. Falling during and after menopause increases chances of breaking a bone.

4. I can handle my liquor; besides, red wine is good for me.

Understand that during the onset of, and stages of menopause, the body will not experience alcohol and caffeine as it always has.

Alcohol, especially red wine, can trigger hot flashes. It can also diminish calcium absorption and inhibit live enzymes that activate vitamin D. Caffeine increases calcium excretion and reduces how much of it the body can absorb. Both alcohol and caffeine are dehydrating stimulants that can make night sweats even worse.

(Urban Mommy Elisa adds: How utterly unfair is that? Coffee AND wine?!)

Menopause Wine Charms

5. I yelled at the dog and then I cried about it for an hour.

Changes in progesterone and estrogen levels may cause mood swings. Things seem to set you off. You may feel rage, then sadness. Drops in progesterone may cause increased irritability and moodiness.

Also, don’t underestimate the power of what menopause really means. With childrearing days behind them, many women begin to think about the rest of their lives. No doubt, these thoughts can trigger feelings of anxiety and depression.

6. I got my period when I was 16 so I won’t be menopausal until later.

An older age at first period doesn’t automatically mean a later start to menopause. Actually, the opposite tends to be true. If a girl gets her period on the later side, she may begin menopause on the earlier side. However, predicting the age a woman will begin menopause is difficult. Pay attention to your body. After age 40 you’ll notice more and more changes and symptoms of menopause.

The process of menopause is a part of a woman’s life. Work closely with your doctor to create a plan that combines healthy foods, exercises, stress management and a commitment to enjoying life to its fullest. There is so much to look forward to. Having a positive outlook is the key to looking your best regardless of age and stage.

One Hot Mama

Dr. Nicholas Sieveking is a board certified plastic surgeon who completed his training in General Surgery and Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery at Stanford University. After Stanford, he received additional fellowship training in Aesthetic Surgery in Rio de Janeiro and São Paulo, Brazil. In addition to his plastic surgery board certification, Dr. Sieveking is also board certified with advanced fellowship training in Anti-Aging and Functional Medicine. This double board certification enables Dr. Sieveking to be the most complete anti-aging surgeon and physician to treat his patients age-related needs, from the inside to the outside.

sievekingplasticsurgery.com

@NickSievekingMD

Sieveking Plastic Surgery

The Hunger Games: How my three year old survives on yogurt and air

Posted on March 31, 2016 by Alexis Nicols Posted in The Struggle is Real .

Several months ago, my son comes home and asks me, “What’s for dinner?”

“Well,” I replied, “We’re eating roasted chicken, grilled rapini and mashed potatoes.”

“Sounds yummy!” he declared, wandering into the living room.

Translation: “I will be eating none of that, but as long as you have goldfish crackers, we’ll get along just fine.”

photo: Quinn Dombrowski

My son is such a picky eater that at one point I considered buying groceries and then just throwing them out. Among the things I’ve tried in the past:

Food songs
Food games
A giant toy kitchen with a bin full of plastic food and cooking utensils
Praying
Crying
Googling “nutrition through osmosis”

My son appreciates food in the abstract. He knows which foods are healthy and make you strong. Once, he licked a pea and said “Look how strong I am!” as he flexed his tiny biceps. He understands the notion of food, just not the consumption of it.

Hand in hand with his limited palate is the particularity with certain foods and how they must be prepared. Highlights include:

Raisin toast, so long as there are absolutely NO raisins in it
Peanut butter on toast, cut into SQUARES, NOT strips
Toast that is not brown
WHOLE bananas (I once had to pretend to surgically fuse two halves of a banana back together) that may or may not be pre-peeled, depending on the day of the week and whether or not Venus is in retrograde.

photo: Visa Kopu

I am NOT a food expert. I’m not a registered dietician or a child psychologist. I’m just a mom. I’m just “The Help.” I did a lot of observing, paired with even more trial and error. While I will forever be on the outs with Pinterest (curse you and your Bento-Box lunches (see The Bento Bitch) and cookie-cutter sandwiches with strawberry floral arrangements and pint-sized Kombucha tea drinks!!) I have come up with a strategy of sorts. It won’t work for everyone, but it has worked for us so far:

Grazing: While we still encourage him to sit at the table for longer than a bug’s breath, we also acknowledge that right now, he’s not a sit-down-and-eat-an-entire-meal kinda guy. Going to a restaurant is a bicentennial event. I compromised by giving him a selection of the healthiest foods I know he will eat, in small bite-sized pieces on a compartmentalized dish. We call it “smorgasbord” dinner. Most of the time, he’s totally game (apple slices, banana, cheese cubes, crackers with hummus or peanut butter – whatever he’ll eat that doesn’t come from a package with a cartoon on it.)

Drinking his food: Confession. I buy the drinkable yogurts (cue collective gasp from the Judgey McJudgesteins). Since it’s one of the preferred food delivery systems, I mix it up by occasionally offering blended fruit smoothies. I can stick whatever I want in there, and more often than not, he loves them.

Helping: The theory is, if he helps prepare the food, he’ll be more likely to eat his own creations. We’re not quite there yet, but I figure if I can keep him involved in the doing, he’ll make the connection to eating what he makes.

Relaxing: Me, not him. I come from a long line of “Thou shalt not waste food” – Depression-era survivors on one family side and WW2 survivors on the other. Throwing food in the garbage gives me the sweats. I had to redirect my focus on what he was eating and give him smaller portions, replenishing when he finished what was on his plate.

After a lot (a LOT) of reading, I realized that toddlers are naturally picky eaters. Just because they watch you buy their favourite foods and then announce they will no longer eat any of them, doesn’t mean they’ll hate them forever. I cling to the hope that one day, he’ll return to a much wider variety of food, one bite at a time.

Alexis Nicols is a marketing specialist, actor and freelance writer. She lives in urban Toronto with her husband and two sons, but is definitely suburban at heart. She regularly dodges the slings and arrows of parenting boys, considers herself a connoisseur of stretchy pants and hopes that the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t a train.

For more musings from a mom who wonders when everything below the neck went National Geographic, visit her blog: stopstopcomehere.ca

The 200 word milestone

Posted on March 23, 2016 by urbansuburbanmommy Posted in The Struggle is Real .

Working in a school makes me more aware of things to watch in my son. We have speech therapists that work for the school board. One day I asked one of the therapists about when (my 16 month old at the time) would stop saying “A-wound and a-wound and a-wound” and start saying around. I know that Rs are tough for kids. My own brother had a few rounds of speech therapy for his Rs.

She confirmed that Rs are in fact a hard letter for kids to pronounce. Then we got chatting about milestones for babies. And then it happened.

She let me know that by the age of 2, that toddlers are supposed to have 200 words.

200! Yes, that final zero is intended.

Up until a few years ago, the milestone was 50 words at the age of 2. So of course in my mad panic to confirm that my child would reach (or better yet surpass) this goal, I sat down with my husband that night and we started the list of words that we knew our son was saying.

And we were at 21. Just 21! YIKES! We both flew into crazy parent mode, and sat down to determine the path that we would take to reach the milestone of 200 words.

We read every day to him. We have all of the fun books that help kids to identify images with simple words. We are the people that get the NIP screenings and meet the milestones month ahead (when possible)….so we are not sure how we are so behind with this word business.

As I write this blog, Tyson is now 18.5 months. Our current word tally exceeds just over 70 words. So we have just over 5 months to learn over 130 words. WHOA! I am told from friends that this is no big deal, and that one day Tyson will be firing out several new words every day. But for now, it does seem stressful. Although achievable, it does seem daunting. However, the fact that it used to be 50, and we’ve already exceeded that word count, I think that we can breath a small sigh of relief. BUT the countdown for 130 words is on.

Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Krista Holmes, KH Mgmt, became a mother in the summer of 2014. She works behind-the-scenes in the Canadian music industry, designs several social media campaigns and manages special events. Her love for motherhood & music can be found on her blog, mommylovesmusic.wordpress.com.

@KHmgmt

« Previous Page