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5 Communication tips to make sure you are heard

Posted on by Posted in The Best You .

When you speak – you want people to listen (especially our partners and children). Although most people think that if you yell, you will be heard.  It’s quite the opposite.  I have put together 5 effective communication strategies to help you succeed in the art of conversation and ensure that your message is well-received and understood.

1.Stay Calm and Be Positive

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Use your words to help you, not sabotage you. If you communicate with anger and negativity, no one will listen. If you’ve got your back up, you need to address it – before you start talking. Take a timeout so you can calm down and see clearly. Often, when you wait it out, your perceptions will change and you can reclaim your perspective. Calm tells the other person that you want to address the issue as a win-win situation.

 

2.Choose Your Words Carefully

words

Before you speak, consider the words you choose. Never begin a conversation on the attack. If you start a sentence with You, Why or What, you may come across as accusatory and your conversation will be interpreted as ‘I’m right, you’re wrong’. Try instead to start with “I” phrases that take ownership of your feelings such as, ‘I noticed that…, I appreciate it when you X, and when X happens, it…, I know it was with good intentions that…, , or, I love that you’….When you begin your sentences with feelings about the other person first, the other person is more likely to welcome being invited into the conversation and hear what you’re saying.

3. Watch Your Tone

Your tone sets the stage. The tone you take can make or break a conversation regardless of the words you use. Even the nicest of intentions can sound hurtful or accusatory, if you choose the wrong tone. How do you keep your tone on track? Keep calm and positive, but don’t forget to also be kind and firm. You can talk all you want, but if your tone  is sending a different message, nothing you say will help you.

4. Consider Your Body Language

What is your body saying about your intent? If you want to be heard, not only do you have to watch what you say, but you also have to be mindful of what your body is saying as as well. Direct eye contact is key. Holding your phone, a pen, a food item? You won’t be taken seriously if you’re trying to convey a message while multitasking. Focus on one thing. If you want respect and validation, you also have to give it.

Get on-level too.

That means, if the other person is standing, you stand. If they’re sitting, you sit. Your goal is not only to create rapport and buy-in so your party listens, but also demonstrate that you are equals in the conversation.

Conversing with your children? Get down to their level.  You don’t want to be over-bearing, a bully, or be a parent who imparts a dictatorship style of parenting. Fill their power buckets. Empower your children. That is, after all, your job.

5. Be Thankful

thank-you-cartoon

Giving thanks is an important step that many people forget. Let the other person know you appreciate them for not only taking the time to listen, but for hearing you and taking part in the conversation. Gratitude sets up a positive platform not just for the relationship and your expectations, but also for the next time you need to get something off your chest. All relationships hit bumps in the road and require continual communication to overcome barriers.

When you feel thankful, you allow the other person to feel thankful too, and that’s good insurance for the next time you need to have a conversation or chat with your child, or anyone for that matter.

Final thoughts: Listening and hearing are two different things. Hearing someone speak is not the same as listening to what they’re saying. Listen. Be an active participant. Lead by example.

Happy Communicating!

lauren millman.jpg

In practice for over 12 years, Lauren Millman is a highly sought-after Toronto Marriage & Relationship Coach and Counsellor, Mental Health Practitioner and Parenting Specialist, and is a member of the Ontario Association for Family Mediation. Lauren is a regular guest contributor on TV’s Rogers Daytime! York Region, and The Mediation Station. She has also been a guest on SiriusXM Radio Canada. Lauren is an international best- selling author, writes regularly for several online publications including Brazenwoman, PinkandBlue North America, and SiriusXM Canada, and was recently featured in the Toronto Star. Lauren continuously gives back to the community.  In 2014, Lauren was the Recipient of the International Women In Leadership Award.

Perfecting your holiday outfit – tips from celeb stylist Alissia Marciano

Posted on by Posted in The Best You .

Something in the way you move, it’s that ‘je ne sais quoi’. It’s the way you look, how you feel and what you exude.

You’re effortlessly chic.
breakfast at tiffanys - cocktail party
This is what we all want for the holiday season. Luckily for us Santa has come early. Here are some of my favorite tips and style choices when dressing for the season:
It may seems like you’re running around in circles when it comes to choosing that perfect cocktail dress. Of course you can play it safe and wear the LBD (little black dress), which still remains one of my staple pieces, but this season, go outside your comfort zone and try a little something different.
Why not experiment?
I am not talking about taking haute couture straight off the runway. I don’t expect you to wear it to your partner’s christmas party or next door neighbors shin dig, but let’s push the envelop a bit. I think it’s important to stand out at a cocktail party – of course for all the right reasons.
Here are a few tips to make shopping that much more enjoyable during this cocktail season. And yes, there are some LBD options for those of us that just can’t stray away from the dark side:)
Keep in mind fit, style and fabric.
Good tailoring/fit is essential when it comes to a cocktail dress. If the dress hugs the body then impeccable tailoring is a must. If it has a slight drape, then it must caress the body in all the right places. It’s key to know your correct dress size. If you find that you’re between sizes – or your baby body is still bouncing back, a tailor will be your best friend. A good tailor will nip and tuck the dress in all the right places.
The right silhouette is crucial in order to play up your best assets. Choose one, two or three of your favorite assets and play them up!! For me, it’s all about the the legs, so a shorter hemline always makes me feel sexier!
The festive season is all about sparkle, shine and color, so make sure to indulge in some of this season’s eye catching fabrics. Below I have chosen looks with different silhouettes, fabrics, embellishments, colors and hemlines – all while keeping in mind Fall/Winter 2015 trends. There should be something for every momma out there. Here are some of my favourites to make heads turn for all the right reasons this season!

Sparkle – choose the right silhouette when it comes to secquined embellished dresses.

Consider a Slip dress – something lingerie inspired

Try a softer pastel colour with red lips to make your grand entrance

Another must read: 

If you loved this article, you’ll love: Perfectly accessorized for holiday festivities – tips from celeb stylist Alissia Marciano

AlissiaAlissia Marciano is an international fashion and wardrobe stylist, as well as, an on-air celebrity fashion host. Currently based in Los Angeles, she has worked and forged her talent around the world in such cities as Paris, New York, Vancouver, and Toronto. From guest appearances on Rachael Ray, to the countdown to the Oscars on the red carpet with E!, and co-hosting Look A Like and Sexy Girl,  Alissia is a prominent figure in the fashion industry and her success has earned her the reputation of a highly sought after international fashion and celebrity stylist. Beyond fashion and music, Alissia’s portfolio includes an extensive list of advertising clients including Diesel, ESPN, Nike, Acura, Orbit, and CAT. Her eclectic mix of femininity and rock n’ roll has graced the pages of such publications as L’Uomo Vogue, Neo 2 (Spain), Entertainment Weekly, New York Moves, Wonderland (Japan), The National (UAE) and Filler to name a few. In addition to her work in the industry, Alissia has two beautiful boys with whom she shares many wonderful adventures and creates lasting memories with, surfing and skateboarding being two of their favorite activities.