Urban Suburban Mommy

Tag Archives: time

Holiday Gift Guide – Urban Suburban Mommy Style

Posted on by Posted in The Best You, Urban Suburban Mommy .

Everyone needs some shopping inspiration. Gift guide after gift guide explains what to get the children, or the hubby, or the boss, or the teacher.

Well, what about mom? What do we want? You know what we want – we all want the same thing. So don’t read this gift guide for yourself, share this gift guide with the Urban Suburban Daddies, the Urban Suburban Uncles, The Urban Suburban Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Fiancés and Friends.

This is what just about any mom wants for the holidays:

A retreat.

She stays up too late sewing the costumes for class plays the night before. She runs around looking for shirts that don’t itch. She knows where every favourite toy and stuffie is at all times. She needs a break. A weekend with no responsibility. A morning with no alarm clocks. A night with no bedtime fights. A meal with no interruptions. With spouse? With friends? Let her pick.

A clean house.

We all know that housework should be shared. It’s not mom’s domain. But we all know who gets it done. Give her a few weeks off with housekeeping services. Seriously, the cost of making mom happy, giving her back some free time and putting a smile on her face is a fraction of what marriage counselling costs per month. Don’t argue about whose turn it is to vacuum, pay for the privilege and get it done.

Deep relaxation.

Mom’s got a busy life and she puts everyone else first. Everyone is served and eating before she finishes and sits down. She got the lunches made and the kids dressed for school, and threw her hair in a messy bun (thank goodness they’re in style!), forgoing a shower and blow-dry. She totally needs a day at the spa. Go for one of the good ones with water therapies and fancy tea stations, and book her a massage. A deep tissue massage. And DON’T request a female masseuse – unless you think that’s HER preference. Hold it together and let her have an afternoon off. She’s coming home to you all refreshed and relaxed up.

Some free time.

She talks about how much she misses yoga classes. She used to belong to a book club. She’s stopped going to the mall and orders all her clothing online. Face it, she loves her family, but families require endless amounts of mom’s time. Give her the gift of a few reliable hours a week that are hers and hers alone, to regain that favourite activity. Getting the kids to activities, feeding them dinner, doing the bedtime routine – it’s a big job, but you can do it without her a few hours a week!

Wine.

Mom needs wine. A spare bottle of something just a bit nicer than she’d usually buy herself. You know what? Make it 2.

You’re not *just* a mom

Posted on by Posted in The Best You .

Wellness isn’t all yoga and smoothies, vitamins and the newest fad diet. Sure, sleep, eating right, regular doctors visits and keeping hydrated are all extremely beneficial when it comes to wellness, but you know what? Sometimes it needs to be all about us.

This dawned on me as I was sitting at Sick Kids hospital with my son for five hours this morning and then deciding to call it ‘A vacation day’ because I’d already missed more work than I wanted to make up.

My VACATION days are sacrificed for my children. Gladly.

Dinner? I make what THEY want.

Girls weekends in Vegas? Sorry, little bunny has a school play that Friday.

Honestly, when I realized I was sacrificing my purse and shoe addiction collection in order to fund the needs of these children, I knew I’d discovered the selflessness of motherhood.

Plus the staying up with sick kids, trading sleep for snuggles when they have bad dreams, playing board games (or bored games, I need a break from Candyland!), and sitting through hours of Dora, Caillou and Ruby – because, let’s face it, I really never need to hear any of those voices again – tell the tale.

We don’t have to NOT be moms, there’s no stopping that train, but we need to remember that we are also human beings. When was the last time a day was all about you? How about half-a-day? How about three consecutive hours?

It’s time to take a vacation day and use it. It’s time to leave them at daycare and NOT feel guilty on a day off. It’s time to pick a movie we want to see for once, go swimming without having to “watch this!” or spend time with a friend having tea without interruptions every minute, on the minute. It’s time to make a real dinner with adult flavours and real china instead of pandering to the mini masses.

It’s not a rejection of motherhood. I LOVE being a mom. I think that’s why it’s so easy to put myself last and worry more over their needs than mine. There’s no way I can possibly refuse to wake up for a nightmare or a sick child, but there are ways to carve out time for us and not be *just a mom* – and by JUST, I don’t minimize motherhood, not for one second. Motherhood is all-encompassing, I do it because I think it’s the biggest, best and most important job there is. But it’s time to rethink it and not make motherhood the only recognizable part of the people we are.

Next vacation day I’m hitting the spa, drinking champagne and buying myself something pretty.

(Unless my kids really need me!)

 

Mobile devices, crude weaponry and other distractions

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .

Four year-olds have no concept of time.

Oh sure, they say they do. Tell your kid that he has a friend’s birthday party coming up next weekend and he’ll nod in happy agreement. You may even help him circle the important date on a calendar. It’s just a ruse. You may as well tell him that the party is in one hour, because that’s how long he’ll ask you for clarification. Every day for the entire week.

“Is it today Mommy?”

“No, it’s next week.”

“Today?”

“What? No, it’s next week. In seven days.”

“On Monday, Mommy?”

“No honey. Next Saturday. In seven days. That’s six more sleeps.”

“It’s tomorrow?”

And so on.

As such, telling your child “One moment please,” while you finish up a chore or a phone call is equally futile (one moment = forever). Things have to get done – our family can only occupy a space for so long before it’s taken up with debris and general chaos. I’ve become adept at distraction and proficient at stealing, even creating time to get things done. A few things have worked for me:

1. Colouring: I give them crayons and a colouring book or blank paper (Note: I have to tell them to play nicely. This important caveat is the difference between calm parallel play and making colourful prison shivs.) Colouring lasts five whole minutes, which is exactly how long it takes to get laundry into the washer and address a Crayola stabbing. I can only throw in one load. Don’t think for a second that I have time to fold anything. In fact, I try not to think at all.

Thinking wastes time.

2. Right after school, the boys get a snack and a drink. This is prime dish washing time. They can go as long as 15 minutes if I turn on the TV.

3. If I want a morning sleep-in, I’ll give the kids my iPhone. I can gain an extra 30-minutes and will only have to replace half of my apps. I can sleep right up until the eldest pokes me in the face and announces that he called Tokyo. He’ll mis-pronounce it so it seems cuter.

4. Sometimes, not often, I wake up before my kids do. I realized a long time ago that I would never sleep through the night again, so I don’t fight it. It’s prime time to steal a shower, brush my teeth and start breakfast. Typically, I only make it to the shower before tiny hands and arms are poking my flabby bits through the curtain.

5. On weekends, we run our kids pretty hard. Swimming, skating, soccer – we let them off their leads whenever possible. My four year-old gave up his naps a long time ago, but every once in a while he’ll crash. If it’s time right, there’s a perfect intersection between his nap and the baby’s nap. We call this time the Mythical Unicorn Happy Pants Dance. In theory, there is no limit to the things I can accomplish. Usually, the list is so overwhelming that I implode and sit down to watch non-cartoon related TV.

There are times when 100% focus is not an option – driving, using the stove, operating a forklift, shopping online during Cyber Monday, etc. When it comes to the small stuff (and 85% of it is small stuff), I resign myself to leaving it half done. My older child will ask me to help him count the coins in his piggy bank, or my youngest will drag a book twice his size to the kitchen, calling “Mama! Dis!” I’ll stop what I’m doing and sit with them.

It would be terribly boring and sad to look back and say: “My kids fought really hard for my attention, but damn I had sparkling plates!” Life is about more than keeping a clean house. It takes far less effort to enjoy my kids than to figure out how to distract them.