Urban Suburban Mommy

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Viamede, cottage country’s answer to cottaging for parents that need a break

Posted on by Posted in Bon Voyage, Mommy Approved .

City kid caught his first frog

When I was a kid I desperately wanted to go cottaging. My friends all had cottages. They were in mountains, on lakes, they were “somewhere up north” – which seemed magical and inviting and exclusive. Campers, RVs, tents, trailers, bunkies, chalets, farms – give me any of those and I’d have been a happy girl.

Arriving at Viamede

But my mom wasn’t into it. Not at all. She’s always say:

“So you want to take a vacation where I have NONE of my modern appliances, where I have to cook and clean and look after you while you run from the house to the beach and back, covering the place with dirt for a week. Tell me, how is this a ‘vacation’ for ME?”

I get her point now.

Hiking

She referred to the Holiday Inn in Grand Island, New York, as her cottage. It had a pool, room service, house-keeping and plenty for us to do with – and without – my parents. I now know what the “without” was… but the fact is, we did have a lot of fun there.

However, as an adult, I now see the beauty and benefits of getting out of the city and into cottage country for some downtime. I completely side with my mom that it’s no vacation if I have to be on call for the needs of my family without the benefits of modern appliances, but I think I’ve found my happy place.

Viamede.

It’s a brilliant concept, and for Southern Ontarians, if you’re close to the Kawarthas, go! If there’s not a resort like this near you, it may just be your next big business idea!

Magic hour

The Kawarthas is cottaging country within 200 kilometres of Toronto. Set around Stoney Lake, the area is breath-taking. Viamede is a cross between a cottage and a resort. They’ve got it all, and they’ve got the perfect mix for the city slicker that needs a slice of country now and again.

Let’s start with the cooking – they’ve got the answer for that. Restaurants onsite take care of all your needs. Farm-to-table, food is local and fresh – and phenomenal. There are a couple of choices for dining – including a fine dining spot, Mount Julien, with an exceptional tasting menu. Ditch the kids and dine!

Decadent dessert

Or get a barbecue basket and relax on your cottage deck while you or the hubs fires up the grill. There is also a full kitchenette in the cottages so you can put provisions in the fridge and fix up a quick, no fuss snack. We brought frozen pizzas and lots of fruit and ready-to-eat snacks and drinks, even made Jiffy Pop. When was the last time you made popcorn on the stove?

Midnight snacks? An evening tea? Slip up to the main house and grab what you need. Treats? No problem. My jaw dropped when I mentioned I wanted to make a fire – cottages have wood burning fireplaces – and they handed my son a s’mores kit: A basket with chocolate, graham crackers, marshmallows and pokers to toast them on. (I’m a s’mores aficionado, for my best recipes look here).

They were delish. The main house also has board games and lots of VHS movies, we kicked it old school with the kids with a board game night and a movie night in our cottage.

My mom didn’t want to be chasing us, cleaning up after us, creating activities for us. Viamede also had the answers. Get cleaning service and leave the work to their capable pros. Activities a-plenty, we stayed beside the playground and the kids could wander over while we didn’t! There is an outdoor pool, a lake and an indoor pool with a swim-out to outside. Loved the bubble volcano in the indoor pool – but the best part is the sunsets. From any vantage point the sunsets are a spectacle. Magic hour is truly… magic!

The pool

But with other choices, from a gym to a relaxation centre to hiking trails, a farm and the dog – yes a cottage dog, my kids enjoyed borrowing her for an evening – the kids are entertained without TV. It’s cottaging without the effort, and more.

Sunning himself while getting ready to go paddling

Resort cottages have been around for a long time, and they’re a great way for people like my mom to get the cottage experience without having to bear the brunt of the work, it was actually just as relaxing for me as it was for the rest of the family.

(Well, a little bit stressful when my son decided to call 911 from the phone booth. Leave it to a 6 year old city kid to be a bit bewildered by an actual phone booth. I don’t know if he’s ever really experienced one, but I can tell you that the emergency response time was impressively fast!)

That view

The other nice thing about making memories at a resort cottage is that  you can do it in groups. Another couple, your whole family, extended family, organized trips – you have room to do it all, without having to host! My husband’s family used to rent a resort cottage for Thanksgiving and 50+ family members would gather for the holiday as the leaves changed colour and the resort would do turkey dinner for this little army – Canadian Thanksgiving is early October, it  works at a resort cottage quite nicely.

I’d always wanted a cottage – until now. I think I’ve found the place where our family can make memories. Hopefully not all of them will involve first responders, though now that I think about it, we did have the fire department crash our wedding as my husband and I exchanged vows. (We have the best wedding pictures), so I’m starting to see a theme. As far as cottage resorts go, Viamede stole my heart. There is so much to do and I think the kids will enjoy each return trip as we get to know Stoney Lake and The Kawarthas better – and don’t have to do any work or upkeep to our summer getaway spot, least of all, clean the pool, fix a roof or have someone pump the septic.

My mom would approve.

Family fun

Can a mama get a minute for herself?

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .

I had all the time in the world before I had kids. I had no IDEA how much free time I had, how much time I wasted doing literally nothing.

Now, free time is counted in the gaps between moments, where things still have to get done, but there is a little less…panic? Cacaphony? These are the moments when chores become luxuries and my to-do list becomes an opportunity to have time for myself. Below are some moments I never categorized as “free time” pre-kids, but now look forward to:

Going to the grocery store

When I was pregnant with my second, everyone would wake up super-early on Saturday mornings. My husband would take my oldest to soccer class (it should be noted that no actual soccer was played, but there was a lot of running, followed by chasing and herding) and I would go to Loblaws and buy groceries.

It was pure delight.

The glass doors would breeze open and I’d saunter in with my cart empty and my head full of tranquility. I took my time, wandering up and down the aisles, reading labels, picking things up, putting them back, or not. I’d meander around that store with a big stupid grin on my face. The cashiers must have thought I was nuts. For 45 minutes there would be no gauntlet, no mad dash to grab a few necessities à la Hunger Games. No screaming, no crying, no begging for chocolate at the checkout line (FYI, Loblaws? Putting candy at the checkout line? Genius, keeping the crack at the crackhead’s eye level. Bravo, well played.) For 45 minutes, I had all the time in the world.

Cleaning the basement

My husband took a week off to clean our basement to prepare for a small reno (read: we’re finishing the basement so that the Suicide Squad of cars, Lego blocks and tiny plastic toys that threaten my life on the daily will have a final resting place, other than under my feet or in my jugular.) He spent every day lugging, grunting and shuffling boxes and bins, deciding what stays and what goes, hauling everything up the stairs, and then back down again. All I could think to myself was “Lucky”.

Going to work

I’ve always liked my job, but never really saw it as a place to “escape” to. However, there are mornings where the kids are full of crazy and I can’t get them to my parents’ place fast enough.

I get to work early, and not only is the silence golden, but the perks are endless: completing a task, finishing an email, drinking hot coffee, going out for lunch, having discussions with grown-ups about topics other than projectile vomiting and daycare.

If you don’t work out of an office, I highly recommend that you construct a mini lean-to in your living room and just sit there with your laptop for an hour or so each day.

And now for the things I didn’t even know qualified as “free time” until they were taken away from me:

Being sick

It sure doesn’t sound luxurious, but pre-kids, I remember taking a sick day.

A. Whole. Day. To just be sick.

I could stay home, sleep, eat soup and take cough medicine. Today, there is no such luxury. For my oldest, daytime is awake time and those frozen waffles aren’t gonna toast themselves. I get a sick “15 minutes” if I’m lucky. There are no more “days off” when I’m not feeling well. It’s get up, suck it up, and get out the door. Oh, and try not to black out while driving.

Going to the bathroom – alone

I used to have an air of mystery about me. There were certain private indignities that I kept private because they were, well…undignified. Now that there are three men in the house, my secret garden is not so secret, and my toilet activities are not only available for public viewing, but are subject to a rating system. I tried locking the door…once. Based on the screaming and banging, I suspect they thought I had disappeared into a black hole and wasn’t ever coming back. And then who would have made toaster waffles?

Phone calls

Imagine you’re taking a very important phone call. Let’s say you’re trying to schedule a mover, book a doctor’s appointment and get your car seen by the mechanic because it’s making that Bloods vs Crips gangland noise under the hood again. Now cradle the phone in your neck, because someone has just handed you a wet, sticky washcloth in one hand, and a sticky toddler in your other arm (note: toddler will be reaching a pitch that only dogs and bats can hear because Newton’s fourth unpublished law states that a matter of urgency is equal to the volume your children will hit so that you can’t accomplish it.)

Still with me? Good.

Now wipe the toddler’s face and hands while perching on one leg like a stork, because your oldest child is pretending to be the “bad guy” while ramming your leg with his Fisher Price fire truck. Oh, you need to give a credit card number over the phone? Good. Now take an air horn and blast it against your other ear. That’s your oldest who, in perfecting his comedy of pain, is now screaming because you’ve diverted your attention for all of 15 seconds.

Feel free to cry at this point.

I’m in a brave new world, one where getting a root canal is considered a “spa day” and business calls are taken semi-dressed and covered in food residue. Though I’ve traded “free time” for phases of indentured servitude, I try to be present in the little moments before they’re gone, even the less-cherishable ones. I’d hate to look back and think that I didn’t enjoy the spaces in between the madness.

To quote Into The Woods:

Let the moment go…
Don’t forget it for a moment, though.

 

Doing it all: The housewife/working mom edition

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .

Recently, I asked for help.

That is to say, I hired help.

Once every two weeks, she comes to clean my home from top to bottom. This morning, she eagerly volunteered to clean out my fridge. I can’t stress this enough: someone wants to clean out my fridge, the “cave of edibles from parts unknown.” This marks the second item on a list of things I never thought would happen. At the top of the list was asking for help.

domestic goddess

I officially burned out two months into life post-maternity leave. I felt the signs: heart palpitations, sweats, anxiety, fatigue. I felt it every time I came home from my full time job and looked at the catastrophe that was my living room, every time I couldn’t find something, every time I asked “what did I just step in?” I couldn’t stay on top of dishes, laundry, cooking, groceries, vacuuming. I couldn’t enjoy time with my kids because I was busy scurrying around trying to straighten up – a task that was never complete. I felt like I was trying to put out a forest fire with a garden hose attached to a fuel line.

And yet I went a long time before I actually hired someone to help me stay on top of it. I don’t ask for help very well or often (honestly I’d rather give myself a physical using kitchen utensils). I used to judge women who had “hired help”.

“Must be nice,” I’d think, feeling angry and resentful that these women had time to spend with their kids while I was off playing “find the smell.”

I’m not perfect, I still judge people. I’m working on that. It’s on my To Do list, right under deleting Pinterest from my apps.

Let’s get real – most of us have to work. We’ve come to enjoy the finer things in life, like food, shelter and catered birthday parties at Jungle Land. The cost of living in this city is insane – it’s no wonder that double incomes are not always a choice. Certainly not for us. I’m the primary breadwinner AND the default parent. I’ve been trying to manage everything, and ultimately, not managing at all. I don’t “have it all”, I just “do it all.”

And who was I martyring myself for? Was there a prize for shouldering the biggest burden? I was back at work full time and at my full salary. My kids wanted my full attention – I could give it to them. I needed time to myself – I could make it happen. I started putting money aside and found a cleaning lady that I trusted (I’m working on my trust issues. It’s on that list, right under waxing my unmentionables.) I started delegating. I even found a babysitter to come once in a while. You know, so my husband and I can go out, eat hot food and talk about…the kids. We’re working on that.

It’s on the list…

What mama secretly wants for Mother’s Day

Posted on by Posted in Urban Suburban Mommy .

Mother’s Day. Because one day a year we need to be forced to stop doing all of the looking after and let them dote on us without feeling guilty that we’re not doing all of the work. I love the cards, and kisses, and hand-made crafts and attempts at breakfast in bed.

But along with those lovely keepsakes there may or may not be a significant other that buys a thoughtful gift, plans a brunch, permits a sleep-in, coordinates a house-cleaning or does some other pleasantly surprising thing to help us celebrate Mother’s Day. Urban Suburban Mommy asked contributors what tops their list this Mother’s Day – A want, a need and a dream.

AlissiaFashion & Lifestyle Expert
Alissia Marciano 

A Want: I want to provide my boys with the most adventurous and unique life possible by traveling up and down the coast of California in an airstream.

A Need: I need to have an adventure in nature on a regular basis.  Whether its camping, surfing, hiking or getting lost in the desert or forest it keeps me grounded, happy and inspired.

A Dream: To travel to Morocco, drive to the coast and surf with my partner and then one day with my boys.

erica with clientHair & Beauty Expert
Erica Wearing

A Want: Being on my feet all day long at the salon and on the run with my little guy  can leave my body achey and my feet  tired

What Momma wants is a good foot rub

A Need: What Momma needs is a mani pedi 💅🏻

A Dream: And what my dream would be is to have a day at the spa indulging in a full body massage  and any other treatment that will leave me feeling like I’m floating on a cloud

(Hint hint Daddy)

Now that’s a Mother’s Day 😊😉

alexis-head-shotLifestyle & Mom Experience
Alexis Nicols

A Want: Bradley Cooper cleaning my bathroom while I sip a chocolate-tini.

A Need: Paying someone to clean my house while I sip vodka mixed with a blue Mister Freezie because we ran out of mix. I call my new drink “Anti-Freeze”

A Dream: Honestly, my dream was to become a parent. As far as I’m concerned, every day is Mother’s Day because every day I get to be a mother.

Krista HolmsLifestyle Contributor
Krista Holmes

A Want:  A day to myself! Seems simple, yet likely unachievable now that the busy season of work and fishing tournaments is here. Give me a day at the spa, a good book and a dinner at one of my favourite restaurants with my husband.

A Need: A housekeeper. I would LOVE to not have to clean or cook. Even just for a week or two. This is a close “wish” to my dream (and it’s definitely second in line for a dream – especially if it happened on a regular basis).

A Dream: A holiday. If my husband couldn’t get the time off, I would be more than happy to go on my own! (As he’s been on 3 “holidays” without me, either while pregnant, or since giving birth). The thought of having a couple of days to myself is enough of a reason to dream about a vacation, but ideally not having to cook for anybody, or do any housework makes it that much more of a dream.  Top if off with a delicious tropical bevvy and my dream is complete. (Ok, sunshine and some time at a pool would really help, but who are we kidding – I could easily vacation just about anywhere, anytime as long as I don’t have to cook or clean!)

Urban Mom4844 Elisa KeayCofounder/Editor
Elisa Keay

A Want: A car detailing. The kids make such a mess of my car. I admit, part of it is my fault, I let them bring their breakfast into the car when I’m running late or have a drink or a treat on a long drive, and it ends up mashed into the seat and floor. The leather seats need a treatment. The smell that has developed needs to be banished. The toys and schoolwork needs to be managed… HEY, wait – this shouldn’t count as a Mother’s Day gift or even a want. They OWE me a car cleaning since it’s THEIR mess! (Before kids, my car was always impeccable… is that too much to ask?)

A Need: I need a new bike. I hate my bike plus it has a wonky pedal. The kids are now at the age that we can start riding places as a family. My stupid bike is fine for popping out to the store or to meet friends for a drink, but it’s not comfortable if we’re going to head out for the day.

A Dream: A Porsche. I want a Porsche. A silver Porsche. Then I could drive over to Alexis’ house and help her watch Bradley Cooper do the cleaning.

(Wait. Why am I the only one not interested in alone time and a house cleaning? My house is a mess and I’m never alone – even when I pee. Nope. I want a Porsche.)

And I judge teachers by the crafts they think of for the class to make mom. The cards and gifts that last, that include a picture or a handprint in clay get bonus points. The ones that create big bobble jewelry for me to wear for the day also get points. The ones that make things too delicate for a 5 year old to manage getting home so that the day starts with tears and a hot glue gun, however, are the ones that inspire me to feed said 5 year a cappuccino and two bowls of high-sugar cereal before sending them off to school for the rest of the school year.

michelle for mothers day postCofounder/Editor
Michelle Daides

A Want: I want 8 hours of uninterrupted blissful sleep. I may have to file this one under my dream category considering my current situation with my two little monkeys! But all I really want is a night (maybe at a hotel alone with a cozy down comforter) where I can drift off to sleep and actually dream.

A Need: I need Octopus arms so I can juggle the many tasks I tackle everyday as a working mom. Way too many!

A Dream: An extended vacation in a very exotic place like Fiji or Greece. A place where I could sleep for 8 hours uninterrupted. Use only 2 hands to practice yoga. Eat healthy food cooked by someone else. Breathe in the salty ocean air. Walk down the beach before sunset barefoot with the sand tickling my toes…my children and husband greet me with a big hug and kiss. Not sure I want to wake up from this one…

 

 

Domestically challenged

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .
domestically challenged

I’m not good at cleaning. It’s taken my husband about 11 years to figure this out – or at least accept it. He calls me “domestically challenged.”

Before you get all “What a chauvinist, why isn’t he doing the cleaning too!” let me tell you, the man is an awesome Urban Daddy, works 60-70 hours a week and cleans with me on the weekends. I find it hard to do two kids, a full-time job and all of the extracurriculars, plus cook, clean, shop and still have some ‘me’ time here and there. But the fact is, I am not a good cleaner. Some people are. Some people even enjoy it. Not me.

We had been together for about three years, and had been in our home for about a year. One day I called him and asked, “Honey, where is the broom.” I had spilled an entire box of cereal on the floor. His response? “It’s right beside the mop.” So I made the mistake of asking, “Okay, where do we keep the mop?” He hung up on me. So why did it take him 8 more years to conclude I was domestically challenged? The writing was most definitely on the wall.

We don’t focus on clean. We try to keep it not messy and accept that we are busy people and would rather devote our time to our kids than to cleaning. From time to time our house gets a bit – out of control. It gets beyond needing the basic dusting, vacuuming, wipe-down, and when that happens, I call in the troops. Our place isn’t that big and it is well worth the money to save my sanity – and his – by hiring someone to clean our home and get it back to ship shape so that our slow but inevitable descent into out-of-control can start anew.

The thing is, I’m too embarrassed to hire someone in my neighbourhood. I worry that if I take the recommendation from a friend or neighbour, that my cleaner may narc on me. Talk about paranoid – but I don’t want word of my domestic shortcomings circulating around the neighbourhood. People talk. I’d rather have them talk about my bad parking – but that’s another story altogether. So I hire a perfect stranger – which comes with all of its own problems. You never know if they’re going to do a great job. You never know if they’re going to take advantage. You never know if they’re even going to show up!

Fact is, I’m going to cut this rant short, because today, they DIDN’T show up and I feel obligated to go do the work myself.

Who am I kidding. I’m going to convince my husband to go out for the day while I make some calls to see if anyone else wants the job on short notice.