I had my first son two weeks before my 37th birthday, my second son just shy of my 39th.
“PHEW!” I thought – got in just under the line, done before 40.
I was told I would have trouble conceiving both times. The words “Late Maternal Age” were thrown around at some of all of my doctor visits. The usual scare of possible chromosomal anomalies and age-related pregnancy issues grated my nerves on the reg.
But I was happy to have my kids. I had my cake and would get to eat it too. I enjoyed my 20’s, traveled, lived like a rock star (partied with a few!), established a career, waited for Mr. Right, avoided unplanned pregnancies, and now I was getting to enjoy the spoils of my well-managed life.
It is my happy ending.
It is… but I’ve only just unearthed the consequence I never realized would come with late maternal age –– I don’t get to be Nana Elisa.
I grew up with wonderful grandparents. My Nana Sophie and Gramps Mike spent a lot of time with me. My Nana Helen and Grampsy Leo made me feel like the sun shone for me and me alone. They doted. They pleased. They loved and enjoyed without reservation. I couldn’t spend enough time at their house and I could never get enough of my grandmother’s bottomless pot of chicken soup or the never-empty bowl of apple sauce, which she knew I adored.
My grandkids won’t get this.
But that I won’t get to do this for them is more of my concern. I see my kids missing out on the time with grandparents, mine have both passed away long ago.
I waited until I was ready for kids, I pushed baby-making to the limits, and I thought I’d gotten away with it, scott free.
Yes, I’m a little tired and probably would have kept up with my wild boys a bit better a decade ago, but what I lack in stamina, I make up for in patience, wisdom and a decent salary.
However, while I may see a grandchild in my lifetime if I take care of myself, if my kids wait like I waited, I won’t be Nana Elisa. I won’t be able to run around the city with them, travel with them, take them places.
In my late 70s I can’t see myself being the able-bodied woman doting over children for sleepovers and days of shopping. I won’t be taking them to the farm or on adventures the way my grandparents did for me.
Oh sure, I know that 70 is the new 60 (and 46 is the new 29, I know, I know) but the truth is, I can see where my energy level is right now, and I’m not imagining I’ll have more energy at 76 than I have at 46. My memory isn’t what it used to be. My patience, video game skills and basic acceptance of mermaid hair, unicorn glitter and words like “turnt” are starting to date me.
Even if I see little babes in my 60s and early 70s, by the time they’re teens and capable of doing the fun stuff, I’ll be needing a day pass just to go to their school plays.
I may be fine and full of energy by then – but I may not.
Some of my friends have grown children, some are grandparents. In fact, my mother-in-law has great grandchildren that are older than our kids. My husband’s sister was a grandmother before we even got started.
I didn’t realize I’d love having kids so much. I didn’t realize it would be my most favourite part of life. I put off a family because I “wasn’t ready,” and “I needed ‘me’ time” before settling down. I still think I made the right decision, and that my life has rolled out perfectly, but I lament that one thing…
The grandchildren.
The thing I never thought of as I was figuring it all out and putting off having kids.
I love reading this. It gives us the reality nowadays for the consequences of having kids later in life.
I got pregnant with my first at 19 and had her at 20. My 2nd came along two years later. Even though I love my kids and wouldn’t change a thing, I do wish I had waited until I was a little older. I’m 32 now and my doctor keeps telling me that if I want to have a third I need to “get pregnant soon” because I’m getting to the age where it will be hard to get pregnant. I honestly don’t know why doctors say that because I’ve had plenty of friends get pregnant at 38, 39, 40, even 41. I think it varies from woman to woman and case to case. I think you’ll have plenty of energy when you’re older once you see your grandchildren! 🙂 My mom is 64 right now and even though she has trouble walking and doing certain things because of a disc disorder in her back, she still has plenty of energy when she sees my girls. 🙂 Even my grandparents would have some new found energy when they would see my daughter when she was a baby!
Great post! My mother has honestly said the exact same things recently. She had my youngest sister when she was 46 🙂
Or maybe it will even out and your children will have kids young. Either way, you’re living a life you love and that is awesome!
An interesting post. I tried for many years for kids but it was a struggle and now i am older with one child but I feel sad because I wish i had more kids and if i get the chance i may not be around when there are grandkids.
I think this post is premature! There is no way you can know if your children will wait as long as you did to have children. Example scenario: you had kids at 37. I had them at 22 (because I, unlike you, did not manage to avoid unplanned pregnancies and got pregnant my senior year of college). If your children have kids in their early 20s-mid 30s, you will enjoy beginning grandparent-ing in the very normal decade of your 60s. I wouldn’t worry too much.
I always say, there is no perfect time to have children. No one can ever be really ready, and there are pros and cons to being an older mother just as there are to being a young one, like I am. We are all on the journeys that were meant for us.
On a side note, if 46 is the new 29, and I’m 27… does that make me a fetus?
On even more of a side note, kids aren’t saying turnt anymore. It’s all about being lit.
Lit? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? lol!!
I enjoyed this post. I have four children, starting at age 33 and ending at 42! I have often thought the same thing ~ will I have the energy to not only enjoy my grandchildren but really be active in their lives. Perhaps there won’t be the same wild adventures you experienced but you can leave a different sort of legacy. Maybe it will be the gift of writing because you’re clearly talented.