Urban Suburban Mommy

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Father’s Day – stop with the ties already.

Posted on by Posted in Mommy Approved .

Okay mamas, here’s the deal. If you’re like me, it’s less than 72 hours until Father’s Day and you just realized it, because the kids brought home half-dried macaroni art spray-painted gold and some clay handprint with a sweet inscription about “Your hand in mine, Daddy” from school today, and it’s dawned on you that something’s a brewing that you’ve forgotten!

Okay, to be fair, I am usually on top of everything, everyone, every present and every holiday – but this past week alone I’ve drowned my iPhone, lost my car in the underground parking at the mall and sent my kid to school without lunch.

It’s a slow week and yet I can barely keep up, so when the tell-tale hand-crafted gifts made their ways into my kids’ closets this afternoon, the reality of what this weekend would hold came crashing down like a tower of Legos.

But I’m nothing if not resilient, so with replacement iPhone in hand, I pulled it together. I brainstormed. I called in favours. I sourced and I located.

Father’s Day is saved. The reservations at his favourite restaurant have been made, the Star Wars present has been purchased and the card will be picked up tomorrow.

Or Saturday. Definitely by Sunday.

I’m not one of those cynics who hates Father’s Day for its commercialism – I only feel that way about Valentine’s Day. No, I blanked this year, but generally I embrace Father’s Day. My husband just happens to be the cream of the crop when it comes to best dads, so I like to make a fuss.

(Plus he knows to make a fuss for Mother’s Day. We have an understanding.)

If you’ve got a bad case of the last-minute-panics, here are the other suggestions I came up with while brainstorming. I bet the Dad (or dad-like role model) in your life would approve, and these are easy to get presents that he’ll actually enjoy.

Cool Dad

Super-trending, these babies are cool. They never go out of style. They come in some great colours and different lenses so you can get him something to up his cool factor, as if he weren’t cool enough already.

(Pick yourself a pair up too.)

High Flying Dad

The mantra these days “collect experiences, not things” really resonates. For the Dad whose got his feet firmly planted on the ground, why not send him into the sky on a helicopter ride over the city? Other cool options include: Hot air balloon rides, charter planes and – for the uber-adventurous, a sky dive or squirrel suit experience!

(Plus, this one you can order online and present a print-out if you can’t get to the mall. Groupon may even have a deal!)

Date with Dad

Dad loves spending time with the kids, so why not create a special event: Tickets to his favourite sporting event! Or if Dad’s not the sporty kind, it could also be tickets to a concert, a stand-up comedy show or play, depending on Dad’s interests.

New York Yankees vs Toronto Blue Jays

(Bonus tip: Get tickets for him and the kid(s) to go on a date and enjoy some free time to yourself! Is that wrong?)

Dressing Dad

It’s totally no bueno when you and your better half go out in matchy matchy outfits, but it’s super-cute when Dad and his little muppet do it. One year I made my Star Wars geek hubby a “Trust me, I’m a Jedi” t-shirt and made both boys t-shirts that said Padawan to go with it. There are tons of cute theme Dad-n-Kid shirts out there. Go to the local t-shirt printing guy with your best ideas.

(Padawan is a child training to be a Jedi, in case you didn’t know. Now you know.)

Dad with a Fun Streak

Sure he may wear a suit to work, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a bit of party on the inside. Set Dad up on the Sock-Of-The-Month-Club. Seriously, check the ankles of any well-dressed man and you’ll see their fun streak peeping out between crisp hem and well-polished brogue. Men and their socks. It’s a thing. From orange argyles to corn cob patterns, this is the gift that keeps on giving – every month until next Father’s Day!

(And it’s always in his size!)

Backyard Warrior Dad

Okay, I may or may not want this for selfish reasons, but I know Dad will think this is the coolest. If you love your Roomba, just imagine how much Dad is going to love his AutoMower!!!! Seriously. The thing quietly and effortlessly roams around the yard, trimming, snipping and clipping to perfection, without any assistance – from Dad or otherwise.

(The price tag may be a little steep, but the years of no asking, begging, nagging and yelling about the lawn will be more than worth it.)

Happy Father’s Day!

The adorable little bulls in the primary school china shop

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .

My kids are big.

They’re big for their age.

They’re big for their age plus three.

My just-turned-seven-year-old is finishing up grade one. He’s taller than half of the grade three kids. My grade three kid keeps trying to pass his eight-and-a-half-year-old self off for 12.

And most of the time, people believe him.

It’s a strange thing raising giants. It’s more than just that they’re big. They’re strong, solid, hulking boys. They’re powerhouses, and they know it. It’s bizarre to see my grade one-er with his buddies. he’s always looking down or hunching. My grade three-er walks around with the confidence of a king because he knows without a doubt he’s the biggest and strongest. But he’s a pussycat. A gentle giant. A teddy bear.

We all know grown men like this too – the ones that tower over most typical-sized human beings. They’re built like linebackers, like brick walls. Their size alone convinces you that they could crush any mere mortal on a whim, but anyone that knows them knows they wouldn’t hurt a fly.

I know. I’m married to one. Strongest man I’ve ever known, and yet kind and gentle as they come.

(Of course, if he needed to, he could crush any mere mortal on a whim. But he’d need a good reason to do it.)

Recently, my husband registered our boys in a football league. I was more than a bit apprehensive as images of train-wreck tackles from NFL games haunted my dreams – until I saw them on the field with their teams. They’re in different divisions, but the funny thing is, neither stands out for his size on the field.

Sure, there are a few small player and one or two exceptionally enormous players, but my boys have found their tribe. It’s like someone scouted every primary classroom in the city and took the tallest child from each. The boys are right-sized for this game!!

So what does football and raising giants have to do with anything?

I’ll tell you – it was an epiphany I had the other day as I arrived at daycare to get the boys. My seven year old was told to be careful around his friend, be gentle. These larger-than-average kids, the back-line-middle in every school photo, are constantly being told to be gentle to avoid hurting others.

It’s necessary, but it’s horrible all the same.

These boys are playing with their peers, but the worry is constantly drilled into them “Be careful not to hurt others.”

If they partake in normal rough-housing, they end up hurting their friends – and it upsets them. Those little minds are all the same age, but the bodies don’t match up. It’s a fair fight mentally – but not physically. They get in trouble for causing injuries. They get in trouble for hurting others.

They are the adorable little bulls in the primary school china shop. And it takes its toll on their little psyches.

Are we taking something away by constantly reminding them not to exert themselves? Have we diminished these kids’ power because we want to tame them for the benefit of their peers?

Do we even realize we’re doing it?

When I finally saw my older son take the field for the first time with a coach that told him to drive back his teammate, I was stunned to realize that my boy was thrown by the concept. He was a gentle giant, how was he supposed to throw all of his power at another kid?

Then I heard the coach tell him not to worry, he wouldn’t hurt him.

It took coaxing, it took a few tries, it took my son some time to process the fact that he was finally allowed to use his size, and that he had a peer that was his own size to use it on.

Finally.

When the coach tells my son to drive his opponent back 7 yards, my son goes 7 yards. When the coach tells him not to let anyone get by, my son stops them with his natural talents and size. And he loves it.

Both boys went through this (although my younger son has never been quite as reserved about using his strength. I don’t know that he is truly destined for gentle giant-hood, but he too had to be coaxed to throw it all down on the field).

So the next time you see the kids of different sizes but same ages at play, watch the biggest one – and how that giant manages or holds back. Watch as they struggle to fit in a world too diminutive for their size and strength, but that doesn’t make sense because, at that age, they don’t understand their own size and power yet.

They can’t help their size, and it’s amazing to see when they finally get a chance to use that size and power – without reservation.

Off the field though? My older son is the epitome of a gentle giant. He’s sweet, kind and passive. Who knew he was so competitive.

I love that our little giants have found balance on the football field. I was a tall girl. It’s a whole different world for tall girls.

A nip here, a tuck there – which procedures are *worth it*?

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .

I recently went on a bit of a rant about the Mom Bod – That we should be proud of our mama bodies, embrace our battle scars but be free to – how did I put it – “Raise ’em and tuck ’em, if you got ’em.” But why is there a stigma about wanting plastic surgery? Why isn’t there just support. If you want to nip and tuck, go for it, but don’t feel that you *have to* nip and tuck, your mom bod is an amazing thing.

It’s about choice.

So, of course, the next thing that I did was to go digging around for more deets on cosmetic procedures. Some are seriously invasive – hello lipo! – while others are non-surgical or superficial. From chemical solutions to transformative surgery, and everything in between, we caught up with the pros to give us some straight up advice on some of the more common procedures. It’s kind of interesting to note, some procedures have a higher level of satisfation than others – which begs the question – which procedures are really *worth it*? 

Worth it: Breast Reduction

“By far, breast reductions produce the happiest post-op patients,” says New Bern, North Carolina board certified plastic surgeon and best selling author Dr. John Zannis, “The women (and sometimes men) that come to me for this procedure have usually been uncomfortable with the size of their breasts for years, in many cases since early puberty. You can really see an immediate boost to their confidence.” Overly large breasts have uncomfortable physical effects like chronic back pain and bad posture, but they can also become a huge self-esteem complex, especially for girls. Breast reduction surgeries report an extremely high satisfaction rate of almost 90% according to Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery Magazine. 

Skip: Lip Fillers

Lip fillers can work wonders but they’re tricky. They don’t look the same on everyone; your end result could be Kylie Jenner’s lipstick-empire-building pout or Donatella Versace’s trout mouth. They’re more of a toss up and depend on too many variables, from the natural curve of your lips to the skill of your doctor to the type of filler used.

Worth it: Non-Invasive Face Lifts

“Off the top of my head some of my happiest clients are non-invasive face lift patients,” says Dr. Kally Papantoniou, a board certified dermatologist who specializes in surgical and medical skin procedures at her New York office. “The skin on the neck and chin get a substantial lift and smooth with no cutting or general anesthetics, patients report not only looking younger but constantly say they feel better about themselves. Which is the key word I look for when gauging post-recovery satisfaction!”

Worth it: Rhinoplasty

“A rhinoplasty from a skilled plastic surgeon can completely change a face,” says Zannis. He adds, “The nose is the most protruding facial feature and sits right in the center; any sort of change alters how you look from different angles, how light and shadows hit you and can make the face look more symmetrical.” To become a full believer in the power of rhinoplasty just search “Bella Hadid before and after nose job” on Google. Literally a different person.  

Skip: Cheek Implants

Cheeks have a very prominent position in your face. Like tweaking your nose, tweaking the shape and size of your cheeks changes your whole look, but like any other facial implant or filler; they are not one size fits all. In older individuals cheek implants are just as likely to drag your skin down as smooth it. Good results depend on implant type, technique, original face shape, and considering the natural effects of aging in the future.   

Worth it: Body Contouring

“Body contouring is easily one of my top three highest patient satisfaction procedures” says Dr. Papantoniou who provides the procedure at her practice. “These are non-invasive fat loss techniques and they give truly amazing results after about 3 months of treatments. There is no downtime, no pain. Some patients come in for them during long lunch breaks! Patients lose whole inches. Again, the most telling sign is how they stress feeling good after the procedure.”

Of course, I’m not advocating that you *have to* do something, or even *should* do something, but I am saying that it’s not wrong if you want to. It feels like women are shamed a bit too much. On one hand, that super-fierce HD TV you have is zooming in down to the micro-pore and we’re seeing celebs and TV personalities losing their jobs because the soft and fuzzy days of old used to hide the wrinkles and imperfections better. Yet we’re also being told to grow old gracefully. So what is it? Are we too old for TV or are we not graceful if we chase the assets of our youths?

What’s wrong with vanity? Nothing. We dye our hair – or not. We do our nails – or not. We wear make-up, control-top panties, push-up and padded bras, tummy trainers and high heels that make our legs look hella-sexy, so we’re not vehemently opposed to modification and putting our best selves forward. If you feel better making a cosmetic change, whether through surgery or a trip to the drugstore, it’s your decision to make.

Frankly, I’m tired of being limited to bathingsuits lined with body armour and having clothing choices limited by the type of undergarment it can conceal. Having my babies didn’t do my already-larger-than-comfortable boobs any favours! I don’t see the harm in having a doctor put them back to a place and a size that makes my back feel better and gives me more options to enjoy life. (Perky. I want perky, okay? lol). And there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t understand the stigma – so I suggest we disregard it altogether!

Let’s play “Have you ever…?” (Survival Parenting edition)

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .

Sometimes my parenting skills are questionable. I’m exhausted and parenting can be hard. My boys are 8 and 6 – and I wish I had half their energy.

Sometimes I’m just tired. Sometimes I’ve just worked too much, sometimes I’ve got big stress on my plate and I can’t focus on answering even one more question or make one more dinner or figure out which kid has karate and which one is going swimming today.

It’s not that I don’t love my kids to the moon and back, and I hope you won’t judge me, but sometimes mama just needs a minute or two. I call it “Survival Parenting.”

So, in the spirit of making myself feel better and hoping to find I’m not the only parent that, despite all my love, organic food and educational toys, has some sketchy parenting skills, I’m going to confess my dirty dozen.

Have you ever:

1. Gone to IKEA with no intention of shopping, dropped the kids off for the free hour of babysitting and sat down with a coffee and a magazine in the cafeteria

2. Gone to the bathroom, locked the door and just sat there, hoping the won’t hunt you down – with or without chocolate

3. Set the clocks ahead and told them it was bedtime

4. Gone to a fast food restaurant with a play place just because you wanted to space out on your phone and have your kids in a safe, contained space

5. Let them watch 6 hours of TV because you need to sleep (I checked on them a couple of times)

6. Sent them to school when they were probably sick enough to stay home

7. Had fast food or instant dinner 2 nights in a row (okay, three nights in a row), because… just because

8. Let them have dessert for breakfast

9. Told them the park/pool/play place was closed because you just couldn’t handle that place

10. Made up a horrible, inappropriate punishment to threaten them with because you need them to come here. RIGHT. NOW. and you can’t put up the fight

11. Made a second dinner because they just wouldn’t eat and it was easier to just do it than to argue

12. Looked through the laundry for some ‘not-too-dirty’ pants because you totally forgot/didn’t care/purposely didn’t do the laundry

There. There it is. My shame in 12 easy sentences. I can’t be alone – would love to hear about your most stellar parenting moments!

Grow their little green thumbs

Posted on by Posted in DIY, Domestic Goodness .

I don’t have a green thumb. Not even a very very light shade of green. Sometimes I joke that plants throw themselves off of the shelves when they see me coming. The truth is, I’m just not very good at growing plants, or even keeping them alive.

My husband – he makes magic happen in the garden. We’ve had rooftop urban wastelands full of veggies and flowers. We’ve had endless planters full of herbs, berries and cherry tomatoes. Every summer my younger son makes a valiant effort to eat all of the cherry tomatoes straight off of the plant, and he can almost keep up!

But me? I just assumed that vegetables came from the grocery store until I met him.

He doesn’t really understand it, and wants me to try – for the sake of the kids not being plant murderers too, I guess. So when we heard from best-selling, award-winning author of The Year Round Vegetable Gardener and Groundbreaking Food Gardens, Niki Jabbour, it seemed like a good idea to get some insight on how to include the kids in the garden. There are so many ways to get them involved and teach them some skills.

There are little ways to start – try a couple of herbs or low commitment plants. Try planters, which are not big and overwhelming. It’s a fun and productive way to spend time together outside, in the fresh air, and it’s also very gratifying. There’s nothing as satisfying as eating something you’ve grown (so I hear lol) and your kids will get some serious satisfaction out of it.

Niki shared with us her top tips and some great new tools from Lee Valley to get the whole family in on the fun of growing their own food.

1. Make it easy

Get kids involved in the garden by selecting easy-to-grow vegetables such as beans, radishes, leaf lettuce, cherry tomatoes and peas. These fast growing and kid-friendly favourites offer quick results for impatient gardeners who want to enjoy their homegrown harvest sooner rather than later.

2. Pick the perfect planter

Gardening in containers and planters is an easy way to grow space-saving vegetables and herbs like salad greens, bush beans and basil. You can use plastic, fabric, or self-watering pots, or try a Vegepod. This sturdy container offers 9 cubic feed of growing space, as well as built-in irrigation and protection from frost and pests.

3. Grow your own pizza

Get kids (and adults, for that matter), excited about growing their own food with a fun theme like a pizza garden. Plant cherry tomatoes, oregano, scallions, peppers, and basil in containers or garden beds, and use your harvest to top homemade pizzas. Yum!

(Apparently you can’t plant pepperoni.)

(I know. My husband doesn’t always find me funny either.)

4. Set your seedlings up for success

Starting your own seeds indoors gives you a jump on the growing season and allows you to grow high quality, sturdy seedlings. The Grow-Light Indoor Mini-Garden is very easy to use and doesn’t take up much space. In fact, it’s ideal for a countertop, shelf or small table. Once your seedlings are ready for the garden, tuck them into a season extender to shelter them from frost and cold weather. 

5.Work smarter, not harder

Make spring cleaning a snap with a multi-tasking tool like the Power Rake, which quickly gathers leaves and grass clippings, and makes fast work of spreading compost or mulch. Plus, it’s designed to glide across the ground putting less strain on your back. Container gardeners will appreciate the Mini Shovel, a compact tool with a short handle and sturdy blade ideal for filling pots, transplanting or working in the perennial garden. 

Niki Jabbour is the best-selling and award-winning author of The Year Round Vegetable Gardener and Groundbreaking Food Gardens, with over 100,000 copies sold. She’s also an award-winning radio host. Her next book, Niki Jabbour’s Veggie Garden Remix will arrive in stores in late 2017.

 @NikiJabbour

 

Niki Jabbour

Daddy wars?

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .

There are, like, these rules. They’re important. They dictate polite conversation. At dinner parties you don’t discuss politics, salaries or religion. I think that rule was made by housewives 60 years ago to keep husbands from getting into heated discussions over bridge games and dinner parties.

Those housewives didn’t have the Internet or they’d have added in a few things to that list. Nowadays, when you’re in a mommy forum, there are three things you don’t discuss unless you’re trying to start a mommy war: Formula vs breast feeding, circumcision and vaccination. Or, if you prefer the “hip mom” lingo: Lactivism, intactivism and anti-vaxxing.

I’ve seen the mommy wars start very innocently. Someone asks a newbie question on a forum, like: “I really want my son to look like my husband, is circumcision really going to hurt?” Half the mommies will start freaking out about mutilation, the other half will start freaking out about the unsolicited advice. “She wasn’t asking if it’s mutilation, she was asking if it’s really going to hurt.”

Breast is best – unless fed is best. Vaccines don’t cause autism – but do vaccine injuries exist? Or is it a small risk to take compared to catching a totally avoidable disease? Herd immunity. Natural selection. Adjuvant. Attenuated. Big words, scientific concepts and scare tactics all rolled into a huge, opinionated argument ready to rage.

Er. Mer. Gerd.

I have read and read and read through these mommy wars (fine, I admit it, I enjoy a certain amount of drama – as long as I’m not at the centre of it) and it never ceases to amaze me that the same arguments can go round and round in every single mommy forum and every Facebook group out there. My husband and I were chatting about the measles outbreak on the weekend, convicted in our decision about vaccines, discussing that only time will tell if we’ve made the right decision, but we stand by our decision.

And then on Monday, his Facebook status came up in my feed. It was something about how there’s no use to argue with an adult who doesn’t believe in vaccinating. Something. Something. Something. Natural selection.

And I chuckled. I thought, “Oh no you didn’t.”

My husband usually posts pictures of our kids on his Facebook, or Star Wars products. Sometimes a rude joke or a funny sitcom reference. My favourite are the old music videos he digs up.

He doesn’t post controversial stuff. I think my mommyblogging is rubbing off on him or something. He always reads my posts (Hi honey!) and I do talk a lot about mommying and daddying – parenting. We’ve made all of the big decisions together and he’s very invested in all of the choices we’ve had to make for our boys, so I respect the fact that he has an opinion on this.

I never would have posted that status. But I sure was interested in seeing how it went. I don’t think he’s ever been part of a mommy war… er… daddy war… so I thought it would be interesting to see how his feed wound up throughout the day.

And there it was. The first response. And then the second. And then the third, fourth, fifth and sixth. One person posted numerous scientific studies about the negative effects of vaccines. Another person called him an idiot.

My husband jumped in to say, “Guys, there’s no reason to be rude about this.”

And then they all apologized to each other and agreed to disagree.

What the $%*#?

Tuesday’s status on the left, Monday’s status on the right. See what I mean?!?!?!?! Who does that!

 

And, as if that weren’t enough, the next day he – being the equal opportunity troublemaker he is – posted another vaccine/natural selection post. The same people showed up to the party, plus a few. Again, civility won out, though 160+ comments later and people were laughing and egging him on to post a status about whether pineapple belongs on pizza.

I will never understand.

I’ve seen mommy wars go 972 comments deep before the moderator could shut it down. I’ve seen bans and escalating insults and even seen people take arguments into real life. I’ve seen friendships end and loyalties divided over vaccines, so I’d grabbed some popcorn and settled in for some amusement on my husband’s Facebook page. But within 22 comments they’d hashed it out and banded together for a round of Kumbaya.

It never ceases to amaze me how my husband surprises me. And so daddy wars?

Not today.

 

Hawaiian Nachos + Pineapple Avocado Relish + “Lava” Aioli

Posted on by Posted in Delicious Dishes, Domestic Goodness .

Savor Hawaii in just one bite by Chef Adrianne Calvo. Big, bold flavors will have your tastebuds saying “Mahalo!” This is an easy, delicious and healthy dish with lots of flavour, it’s nachos with a twist. That pineapple is sweet and zesty, the perfect pairing with blue fin tuna. Bring all the ingredients together and layer it on – it’s as beautiful as it is delicious.

What you need:

– 2 corn tortillas, quartered, fried crispy
– 2 garlic cloves, minced
– 1 tablespoon cilantro, minced
– 1 teaspoon lime juice
– 1 teaspoon honey
– 1/4 cup mayonnaise
– 1/4 lb blue fin tuna, fillet
– 1 teaspoon brown sugar
– 1 teaspoon garlic salt
– 1 teaspoon black pepper
– 1/4 cup pineapple, chopped
– 1/4 cup Hass Avocado, chopped
– 1 tablespoon cilantro
– pinch kosher salt
– 1 teaspoon lime juice
– 1 teaspoon black sesame seeds
– 1 tablespoon mayonnaise
– 1 teaspoon ketchup
– 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
– 1/2 teaspoon horseradish
– 1 teaspoon Tabasco hot sauce
– Scallions for garnish

What you do:

Preheat fryer to 375 degrees F. Season the tuna fillet with brown sugar, garlic salt, and pepper.

In a hot skillet with a small amount of canola oil – almost to the smoking point – sear tuna on all sides quickly. Set aside and allow it to cool for 10 minutes.

Wrap tuna tightly in plastic wrap and place it in the freezer for 15 minutes, which makes for easy slicing. Meanwhile, in a small mixing bowl whisk garlic, cilantro, lime juice, honey and mayonnaise together.

Set aside.

Pineapple Avocado Relish:
In another mixing bowl, combine pineapple, avocado, cilantro, salt, lime and black sesame seeds.

Set aside.

Lava Aioli:
In another mixing bowl, whisk together mayonnaise, ketchup, cayenne pepper, horseradish and Tabasco.

To assemble, slice tuna 1/4 inch thick. Place a small dollop of garlic cilantro sauce on crispy tortilla, place tuna on top. Add a spoonful of the Pineapple Avocado Relish and then top with Lava Aioli.

Garnish with scallions and serve.

Adrianne Calvo is the Executive Chef and owner of Chef Adrianne’s Vineyard Restaurant and Wine Bar, Host of Maximum Flavor Live on NBC’s 6 in the Mix, author of four cookbooks: Maximum Flavor (2005); Chef Adrianne: Driven by Flavor Fueled by Fire (2008); #MaximumFlavorSocial (2014); and Play with Fire (2015), and founder of the Make it Count Foundation. Chef Adrianne’s Vineyard Restaurant and Wine Bar opened in 2007 and offers a varied and rotating menu with something for everyone. Monthly, the restaurant holds its signature event, Dark Dining, where guests are blindfolded for a sensual experience eliminating one sense in order to enhance another, providing maximum flavor. For more information, visit:

www.chefadriannes.com 

Chef Adrianne

 

Chef Adrianne Calvo

To birthday party or not?

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .

Recently, for some reason, discussions about birthday parties keep coming up. Mamas that get stressed over how many kids to invite. Dads that can’t fathom sorting out food for all the dietary restrictions. Parents that feel the expense is ludicrous. The mama on my right declared that “Parties are such a waste of money!” while the mama on my left retorted “Seriously? You’d deprive your child of a birthday party? That’s selfish!”

And before the big guns could come out, I tried to diffuse the whole conversation with a nice solid “Everyone has to do what’s right for their family.” which worked.

(It always works!)

Personally, I think we’ve gotten a little out of control with expectations that are hard to fulfill. It’s happened with Weddings, it’s happened with Sweet 16s. Now it’s happening with birthday parties.

When one mom started talking budgets, she mentioned a cake for over $150. Food was hundreds of dollars because they’ve got a big family. Loot bags, branded theme paper products, an entertainer, a hall…

And then I understood why the budget was just bursting!

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think you *shouldn’t* throw a gala affair for the little one’s first birthday. Go ahead and find the perfect venue for the your kid’s 7th birthday. Spend what you want.

But realize you don’t have to.

Sometimes expectations get out of control. Sometimes it’s us parents – we forget that they’re just kids and don’t really understand. Even more – the party is not for them, it’s for us. We like throwing parties and we want to do it up. We have a vision. It becomes about fulfilling that vision.

I’ve thrown birthday parties for under $100 and I’ve thrown them for hundreds, (and gotten a smidge carried away, I admit).

I have this thing about birthdays. My mom taught me that we should celebrate ourselves, and I take birthdays very seriously (as in, it’s all about moi!). It’s the one day a year that you can make it all about you – and I do believe everyone deserves their day, including my husband and myself!

Favourite clothes, favourite food, a gift that they’ve really wanted, That’s the start. The kids never have to go to school on their birthdays – in fact, I’ve never worked on my birthday, and I’m 45.

I always ask the boys what they want to do. They can go ride rollercoasters, ask to go to a hotel for a weekend (check out my post on staycations) and they can also have a party if they want one, and they’ve always wanted one. (If they didn’t, that would be a different story).

I like to do big parties with all of their friends – the whole class and the whole daycare – because I want to celebrate my child. I want all of their friends to celebrate them, too. They won’t remember the presents, they won’t remember exactly what went on at the party, but they’ll always remember the big celebration and the fuss made over them.

When they were younger I invited family and some of our friends, but by about 3 they had enough friends for a party – and the family? I’m sure they weren’t too hurt to be let off the hook on a Saturday afternoon.

I’m lucky that one of my kids has a summer birthday. Although I worry about the weather ruining the party every year, I have a big party in the park (no venue fee) and I’ve never been rained out yet. My younger one has a May birthday, and we’ve had to keep it inside. I’ve found really inexpensive venues – the community centre has a cool event room for $29/hour – and they can go swimming too! I live in the city (Urban Mom Elisa) and my home is way too small for anything more than 4 or 5 kids, or I’d have the parties here.

My husband and I have celebrated milestone birthdays for each other with big parties, but the kids really love the tradition. It’s always what they want though, not me. I like baking the birthday cupcakes so the cake has never bit my budget. I have a big box of decorations, plates, napkins, and each year I add to that box, using what I have left over from last year’s festivities. Kids are easy to occupy, they like to play. It’s actually much easier than it sounds to occupy 25 kids for 3 hours.

One year one child wanted a movie birthday, the other wanted a play birthday, some years it’s costumes, other years it’s waterguns. One year we found a mini-zoo to come to the party, the boa constrictor was a huge hit.

Kids are easy to please. Parties don’t need to be $800 at the best local destination. They don’t need to be $2,000 affairs with custom loot bags. They should reflect what the little one wants, without breaking the bank, and most importantly, without bringing on stress. Parties are supposed to be fun – I don’t know how that was forgotten along the way, probably as specialty items became the “must-haves” and the costs started adding up.

There really is no right or wrong answer, and you need to celebrate your child’s birthday (and your own!) the way you see fit, but I love that it’s become a day to celebrate myself, and it brings me great happiness to see that my kids are learning to celebrate themselves in style!

 

Sick and tired: They’re sick. I’m tired.

Posted on by Posted in The Struggle is Real .

The stomach flu made the rounds in my house.

I love being thrown up on (said no mother, ever).

I really do hate vomit, like nothing else, I hate it. I hate doing all of the laundry after. Puke laundry is the most miserable type of laundry in the world. It smells, it stains and the pre-cleaning part of it is…

Right, there’s no need to explain it to you.

Sometimes it all makes me sit back and wonder:

A) How did I get appointed the cleaner of the puke?

B) Why must my son stand on the stairs when he throws up?

C) Why must he lose his bladder, lose his bowels and lose his breakfast all at the same time? (On my stairs)

D) Why did he sneeze on me after?

E) Why didn’t I picture this when I imagined what motherhood would be like?

But the other part is that it’s so hard to see them sick. They’re not themselves. They’re quiet. Little.

My boy isn’t his usual hurricane self, and as crazy as it seems when I think about it, when he lies there snuggling into me, curled up and glassy eyed, voice soft, it makes me crazy. As much as always I think I want him to behave and just quiet down and listen to me, when he gets this way and does – it makes me realize how much his wild, super-charged energy is what makes him, well, him.

I also don’t understand why my child being sick is so exhausting to me.

It can’t be the energy I waste on worrying. It’s probably not the 100 trips up and down the stairs doing load after load of laundry, because stripping and changing a bed and his pajamas all day long isn’t actually all “that much” work. It can’t be the effort it takes to get the toast just the right amount of crispy and the tea not too hot and not too cold and not too sweet and not too tea-ish, like he wants it, just so he’ll keep down some fluids. It can’t be the 12 times he woke me up to tell me he can’t sleep. It can’t be the hours I spend watching him breathe, toss, turn and sleep restlessly, nestled into my side, hoping he won’t throw up again.

Oh, but maybe it’s that I’ve had to go through this twice. Just can’t wait till it’s my turn.

 

 

That lucky little kid

Posted on by Posted in Urban Suburban Mommy .

With a hubby whose background is Irish, St. Patrick’s Day is a holiday that doesn’t go unnoticed.

We don’t do green beer and we don’t do the “Kiss me I’m Irish” because I don’t need any tshirt telling me what to do. We do, however, sport some green, have some fun and enjoy some Irish Stew or a good Corned Beef and Cabbage – and just a bit of a good Irish Whiskey with some friends. The kids join in with treats: Cake with green frosting, some dress-up bling and some lovely shades of clothing to make the Emerald Isle proud!

Need some inspiration to get your green on? Here’s our favourite greens, which will be in high style this spring, as the Pantone of the Year – Greenery – will be everywhere in fashion and for the home, to be sure. May the luck of the Irish be with ye all day – and that lucky little kid you have, too!

This toddler T is perfectly unisex. Perfect message for St. Patrick’s Day – and every other day of the year! Good Luck Charm T from 12M to 5T at Old Navy.

Dying over this little green Gucci cardi, available at Saks for well-dressed bébés from 9M to 36M.

What else would you expect for their tender little tootsies than this season’s Natives. Go for the Jefferson Kids in Giant Green! (available in mom and dad sizes, too)

You had us at “palm fronds” but you still kept going until you hit bow-tie and collar. That’s the kind of commitment that gets your kid voted best dressed hipster baby! Palm Frond shirt from 6M to size 5 at Hipster Baby.

The Little Cozmo dress in Ocean is sweet and subdued – the little muppet wearing this will want to complete the look with floppy hat and sunglasses. Sweet William has the a sophisticated take on kid’s clothing.

Don’t you love a cute dress that DOESN’T have to be pink! This striped tulle dress comes in sizes from 12M to 5yr Baby Gap

Drool-worthy nurseries!

Posted on by Posted in Domestic Goodness .

When our first was born we lived in a really cool apartment. It was the main floor of a big old Victorian home in a trendy neighbourhood. It had a great layout – there was a gorgeous den with an antique fireplace at the front, a really spacious octagonal bedroom (was probably once a pretty grand dining room) a roomy eat-in kitchen, and at the very back there was a little office with a door that opened out onto the little backyard.

When my husband and I agreed on the place we didn’t say it out loud, but we both knew that little back office would one day be the nursery.

And it was.

I found this gorgeous mid-century teak sideboard that was being put out to the trash one night as I was coming home, and my friend helped me drag it from the curb. Lots of drawers, I added a change pad and it was way cooler than any change table you’ve ever seen. We were given the family crib and a glider. My husband painted a feature wall “Maple Leafs Blue” and proceeded to create a chair-rail effect around the perimeter with hundreds of Hot Wheels cars.

I LOVED that place.

But I didn’t take the decor too seriously – I still don’t. Our place was funky and filled with great art – the nursery was totally our style – but sometimes I look at these nurseries that have been professionally designed and covet all of those pretty pieces. Other times I look at some of these nurseries – they’re so immaculate and sophisticated I wonder if the babies know they’re not allowed to have diaper explosions in there!

Check out these for some nursery inspiration. And if you want to steal my husband’s Hot Wheels effect, he says you should go for it!

I’m a girlie girl at heart and I love pink and purple. This nursery is a great mix of style and playful. The Novella Crib at Ella + Elliot is total eye candy! The feature wall is such a great way to create different areas of the room – if you’ve got a large enough space.

Leave it to RH Baby & Child (Restoration Hardware) to make me covet a nursery when I don’t even have a baby to put into a crib. Who am I kidding, if this crib came in king size, my master bedroom would look a lot like this.

Feeling a little French Provincial? AFK Fine Furniture for Children in LA has created some celeb rooms, and this one is fit for a little princess. Some may say “A little over the top” while others may say you simply don’t hold back on the sugar or the spice when it comes to everything nice for baby.

This nursery had me at the tufted crib and gold polka dots. And I’m a sucker for tassles!. I love that it’s kind of whimsical and juvenile yet full of serious style. This is one trendsetting infant! I have to admit I’m a bit of a Land of Nod junkie. I don’t think there’s anything they carry that I don’t love love love!

Straight outta the UK, Funky Little Darlings seriously lives up to its name! Can you even? I would never have even considered the £3,200price tag on that crib – but there’s something so completely amazing about the colour scheme for a little baby girl’s room. #Want (Actually, that darker shade is pretty close to my husband’s choice of “Maple Leaf Blue”).

Ooh la la! This modern French black-and-white nursery has luxe appeal and serious drama. Pottery Barn always has the best accessories – but those floors, I can’t help myself, I want those floors. And that chair. Who am I kidding, I want the curtains and rug too. This is one sophisticated little bébé, n’est pas?

Fresh. Modern. Playful. No, that’s not a three-sided crib, that would be crazy. Lusso Baby carries the Harlow, with acrylic slats so that the hipster baby you’re raising has an unobstructed view of the hand-woven artisan rug and the original one-of-a-kind flamingo stuffie from organic virgin cotton, which is, of course, the incarnation of the most ethical form of taxidermy.

Super adorbs while gender neutral, this cheerful little nursery has all the makings for a happy baby – and happy parents. Tell me you wouldn’t be happy snuggling in that comfy glider. The new line George Baby at Walmart has lots of new pieces offering that great combination of budget friendly and stylish!!!