Something happens around this time every summer. Summer camp wraps up, bathing suits are looking worse for wear, Halloween candy starts appearing in the grocery store and back-to-school shopping and lunch ideas overwhelm Pinterest and Instagram. Whether you’re a stay-at-home or a working mom, there’s no denying it, summer is coming to a close. Labour Day weekend will be the last hurrah, and then school routines will start up.

But is the start of school bliss? Or is it bittersweet?

Ah yes, the fond/painful memories of drop-offs and pick-ups, the struggle of coming up with lunch ideas the kids will eat – and the expensive lunchware to send it in. The school supplies, the long pants, the battle-cry of homework challengs and the indoor/outdoor shoes – is it all rushing back in one shot?

This is the first time in 16 years that I’ve spent a summer not working (aside from mat leave, which really doesn’t count – it’s a haze of new motherhood that I can barely remember). Most years I didn’t feel the summer/back-to-school shift as significantly as I do this year. My boys were always in daycare through the summer, so the routine didn’t change much and the hours didn’t change at all.

But this year is different. There are two types of moms in this world: The ones who are grateful for the return to school and the ones who are sad to see September come. I can’t decide which team I’m on.

It’s a serious “You know I love my children, but…” moment. So many moms feeling they survived another summer, glad to have made it to the first-day-of-school finish line. Truth is, it’s not easy to look after your own kids 24/7, having to decide the programming, the meals, the outings, the playdates, the structure and unstructure of two hot months of summer.

It really isn’t easy.

Kids like routine, and the freedom that summer brings is a bit overwhelming. Some weekends are more than I can handle, so doing it for weeks and months at a time?

Exhausting is a word that comes to mind.

And then there are the other mothers – those sad to see it end. Maybe their kids are easy, or maybe it’s that the dynamic works for those moms. They genuinely look forward to the two intense months of summer fundom. Maybe they’re better planners? Maybe they just groove more smoothly, roll with the punches more elegantly or are able to tune out the whine of a kid who has too many toys yet still can’t find anything to do.

Maybe it’s magic. Who knows.

I don’t mention this as yet another form of mom-shaming. Quite the opposite, actually. I mention it because the mom I aspire to be and the mom I am are not quite the same thing, and I’m okay with it. There’s nothing wrong with having survived a summer and happily sending your child off to school, and there’s nothing wrong with lamenting the end of family fundays either.

In this, my one summer of stay-at-home-momness, I enrolled my boys into 6 weeks of summer camp, however, I let them stay home two or three days a week. I let them sleep in and go late. I picked them up early. Some days we had fun and some days they had fun without me. It took the pressure off of having to plan and program, and added balance to my time with them – and their time with me!

Apparently it’s not easy on the kids to be with their parents 24/7 either.

So I lament a little. I have put off buying that second pair of “indoor” shoes, and won’t pull the backpacks and lunch boxes out of summer storage until Labour Day weekend. I’m hearing the rumblings of back-to-school, and as it approaches, I’m trying to figure out which team I’m on.