Don’t ask me whose paying for all of this, but parenting is hard, it deserves a six-figure salary, and this is how it will work: Imagine if you could get paid for keeping these New Year’s Resolutions. How much would your parenting salary be in 2017?
Will not yell at the kids $2,500- Will not threaten the kids with taking away toys $2,500
- Will not use food as a bribe $2,500
- Will not use toys as a bribe $1,000
- Will not give in to the kids just to avoid parenting $5,000
- Will make them clean their rooms $1,500
- Will make them do their homework $500
- Will not do their homework for them to get it done $1,000
- Will not give them treats to make them like me $2,000
- Will not hide in the bathroom eating ice cream or chocolate $10,000
- Will not hide in the bathroom to eat their Easter chocolate $5,000
- Will not hide in the bathroom to eat their Halloween candy $5,000
- Will not fight with spouse/partner in front of kids $10,000
- Will not finish off whatever food the kids leave behind instead of wrapping it up $2,500
- Will not consider the leftovers to be dinner in lieu of preparing a proper meal $5,000
- Will make bedtime a priority $1,000
- Will read more to the kids $2,500
- Will make more time for myself $5,000
- Will make time for my relationship $5,000
- Will skip cleaning up in favour of play time $5,000
- Will skip cleaning up in favour of a little me time $2,500
- Will not make two dinners because the kids are fussing about the meal $1,000
- Will not sweat making extravagant meals and instead focus on simple and nutritious $2,000
- Will stop putting junk food in their lunches $500
- Will stop buying junk food for myself with the justification that it can go in the kids’ lunches $1,000
- Will not steer their friendships based on which parents I like $5,000
Will let them dress themselves, even if they look crazy $2,500- Will show them instead of doing it for them $5,000
- Will give them a chance and then follow through with consequences $10,000
- Will give them the opportunity to redeem themselves $5,000
- Will be their parent first, their friend second $10,000
- Will not ask medical advice on parenting forums/Facebook groups $5,000
- Will not start parenting wars on parenting forums/Facebook groups $5,000
- Will not confine my boy to “boy toys” or my girl to “girl toys” $10,000
- Will make them take responsibility for pet care $500
- Will not lie about why they can’t have a pet, “Because I don’t want one” is good enough $1,000
- Will limit screen time to what I *actually* tell people I limit it to $500
- Will fess up the real amount of screen time I give my kids when asked $2,500
- Will not embarrass them on the schoolyard because I need another kiss goodbye $1,000
- Will start lengthening the leash and not hover $5,000
- Will not tell them to “Stop It!” when they start with the “But why…” $10,000
- Will not lie about stores being closed so you don’t have to buy something $50
- Will do more activities, arts, crafts and games and less family TV time $5,000
- Will not feel bad about falling behind on laundry $2,500
- Will make time to get sandy at the beach or wet in the snow $10,000
- Will worry less about wrinkles and embrace laugh lines more $2,500
- Will not set the clocks back for an early bedtime $1,000
- Will do better to hide the evidence of throwing away school art and projects $1,000
- Will say “Yes” more and “No” less $2,500
- Will stop getting angry at that sound they like to make, and noise in general $3,000
- Will balance parenting with my own identity and needs $50,000
So, what’s your income and what is your big resolution of the year? Any that we’ve missed?
