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Tag Archives: IVF

The economics of kids – Break the bank

Posted on May 16, 2016 by Urban Suburban Mommy Posted in The Struggle is Real .

sullyWhy is it that no one tells you how expensive child rearing is? I think the cold hard truth is purposely kept from the public so that we continue to have a kid – even more than one – without really thinking about the financial repercussions.

Wait for it – I am going to burst that bubble as a favor to all expectant, new parents or parents who forgot the first time (like me), how bloody expensive it is to “have” and “raise” children.

Here goes: You are not a young parent. You may have been able to have your child without any medical intervention, but the fact is, a lot of us ‘late maternal agers’ had to turn to fertility treatment and even IVF to conceive. $15,000 a go…  I know it is common for couples to try at least 3 to 4 times or more.  So let’s say before this kid is even on this earth you are already upwards of $15,000 to $60,000 in the hole (of course it is worth it, that’s just the price it costs).

Again before this kid makes an appearance on earth – there are so many things you need to invest in – like the latest and greatest car seats and strollers, bouncy chair, swings and clothes.

I definitely smartened up with the birth of my second.  Be wise about what you spend your money on. Buy baby gear on Kijiji or second hand shops. Kids grow so quickly, and fancy expensive outfits don’t get the wear they’re worth from a baby – even from 2 or 3. Unless there was a major diaper explosion, most of the clothing from the first year looks new even after they’ve worn it. And the fancy stroller – some can push you into the thousands.  Really. I’m going to say that maybe you got lucky with a fruitful baby shower but I promise, you probably will drop a thousand to several.

Now the kid has arrived. You buy a Breast pump – the good ones ain’t cheap. If breastfeeding isn’t working for you, you will have to buy formula.  Formula ranges from $20 on the very low end (sometimes you catch a sale) to well over $40 per can of powder.  Depending on your kid’s appetite, you will need to buy a can every 3 days to a week. So let’s say add another $150 to your monthly grocery bill for formula. If you choose the premix formula, triple that.

Infant-formula

Of course there are diapers and wipes.  Again diapers range but on average you are looking at about $40 for a jumbo pack of diapers. Newborns go through diapers a lot quicker than infants and toddlers, but as they get larger, there are less in a box so it all costs a fortune. Add another $40-$100 a month to your bill. Double that if you’re going organic. If you’re going cloth, the initial investment is a few hundred – but that spike in your hydro bill from the hot water sterilizations keeps the price tags pretty equivalent.

 

diaper babyLet’s do some incidentals now: creams, shampoos, pacifiers, a fancy shmancy video monitor so that you can watch your little precious sleep.  Your baby bill keeps rising.

Once your baby starts solids you’ll need to buy cereals, bibs, spoons, freezable containers, baby food (if you are not making your own – which can also add up).

But then there is my favorite instant road to bankruptcy: daycare.

Whether you choose to employ a nanny which can run you anywhere between $1,500-$2,500 a month or daycare $1,000-$1,800 a month, you may be working for nothing.

I remember the first year I received a tax slip from my son’s daycare it was $22,000.  I kept thinking to myself I could have sent my son to Harvard.

pile-of-money

The good news is, after the first couple years, your monthly spend on your children lessens.  But the cost of diapers and formula are replaced with after-school sports, weekend outings, birthday parties and the latest and greatest toys they absolutely cannot live without.

I am seeing a dim light at the end of the tunnel as my youngest son is about to turn one. For example, rather than paying $30 a can for formula, I can pay $4 for 3 bags of homo milk.  That equates to big savings.

I promise you, the purpose of this post is not to be Negative Nelly, but in turn to empower parents to plan before they have kids.  Put away a cushion. You can easily go bankrupt without properly planning.  I have been there done it. Twice. I am afraid.

Of course, my two little blessings are worth the stress of debt. But as my lesson and advice to you, you will be a happier parent with a little savings tucked away for child rearing.

Budget. Buy second hand. Save as much as you can. (time for me to listen to my own advice…). If you don’t have a mat leave with at least a small monthly cheque – like me – you will have to save even more, because trying to work at full capacity to bring home the bacon, and still have time to raise a wee one is nearly impossible. Raising two? That’s a full time job in itself.

Not only is parenting hard, it’s bloody expensive! But there’s no doubt about it, it’s absolutely a blessing and rewarding, and the only thing I’d change if I did it again would be to save a little more before.

Tags: budget, child costs, daycare, diapers, featuredxx, finances, formula, IVF, kids are expensive, nanny, raising children, savings .

Calling it quits: When it’s time to stop having kids

Posted on March 9, 2016 by Alexis Nicols Posted in The Struggle is Real .
i'm done

 
i'm done

photo: Chastity Brighton

I had just delivered my second son. He was wrapped in a blanket, with a tiny beanie on his matted, goopy head. I had literally just pulled this being from my body (you read correctly) when a nurse asked:

“Are you going to have another?”

In my post-delivery stupor, it took me a few moments to realize that she wasn’t asking me if I had any more in there. It wasn’t the last time people would ask me. I must have fielded this question 50 times during my maternity leave. Do I want more? Yes, absolutely. Are we going to try again? Not likely.

I should back it up a bit. Due to our age and a few medical hiccups, my partner and I had our children via IVF. As of today, we still have two fertilized embryos sitting in a storage facility, waiting to be thawed. Only we’re not going to be the ones thawing them.

All things being equal, we certainly want to add a third or even a fourth child to our family. We have the produce and we have the plumbing, right? I’ve wanted children for years and spent three of them steeped in medical intervention and heartbreaking failure in order to bring my sons into the world. We were very lucky to have our first, we were positively blessed to have a second. People tell us to be thankful for what we have, as though wanting more children would throw nature out of balance. It’s superstitious and obtuse to assume that because we have more love to give, more chambers of our hearts to fill, that we are somehow greedy and not thankful for the love we already have.

photo: Intellegent_persona

photo: Intellegent_persona

I want more kids. I really do. But here’s the reality: kids are expensive. It is virtually impossible to live in this city without a five-year plan that involves a bank heist or a lottery win. We have a house that fits everyone. Certainly it could contain one more, but if the cost of living goes up one more percent, I’d have to turn us into a performing family. My partner has a lot of talents, but Captain Von Trapp he is not.

The other reality is age. My husband and I are both in our 40’s. Kids are a young person’s game. I can’t see myself in 5 years dealing with cluster feedings, sleepless nights and dirty diapers. I’m so tired, people. So, so tired.

Several months ago, I received a bill from the facility that keeps our embryos to pay the annual storage fee. My partner, in one of his less sensitive moments, asked why we didn’t just donate them. After my third day of inconsolable tears, I think he realized that the situation was more nuanced. Donating baby clothes, knowing you will never again use the play mat or the tiny bucket seat that you brought your baby home in – these are small, sad moments filled with nostalgia. Donating frozen embryos is a line in the sand. It’s definitive and closes that door forever. There will be no more siblings, no more first moments, no more tiny pink and blue beanies.

In the meantime, I have another year to think about what to do with those embryos. Circumstances could change, sleep habits could improve, my boys could ask for a sister. You just never know. While I know in my brain that we are done having children, the message is taking a long, long time to get to my heart.

 

alexis-head-shotAlexis Nicols is a marketing specialist, actor and freelance writer. She lives in urban Toronto with her husband and two sons, but is definitely suburban at heart. She regularly dodges the slings and arrows of parenting boys, considers herself a connoisseur of stretchy pants and hopes that the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t a train.

For more musings from a mom who wonders when everything below the neck went National Geographic, visit her blog: stopstopcomehere.ca

Tags: children in your 40's, cost of living, donating frozen embroyos, featuredxx, frozen embryos, having another child, IVF, maternity leave, medical intervention, parenting, sleepless nights .

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