The Struggle is Real

Ages and Stages

Every medical and lifestyle book written about babies and kids categorizes according to ages and stages. But, no one ever told me that as a woman – and now mom – we too have to face ages and some painful stages.

Let me explain.

Growing up I had lots of friends and did my fair share of partying and travelling, and for that I always be grateful. After my twenties, I decided that I wanted certain things including being married. At that point in my life, when I had a serious boyfriend (and now husband), I noticed that my circle started slowly to shrink.

When I got married, I definitely realized that my network of friends was starting to close in. Friends were falling by the wayside. Perhaps it was because they weren’t real lifetime friends – or that they just didn’t gel with my new married lifestyle.

I’d heard so many stories about how when you had kids, life changed. I never believed it and I fought so hard not to allow my life to get disrupted. I still wanted to maintain my robust social life that was full of excitement and adventure. I wanted to hang with my friends on a regular basis, doing whatever I pleased.

Enter kid #1.

No one ever told me that I would be so damn tired. No one ever told me that my child would need me all the time. No one ever told me that my healthy bank account would dwindle so quickly because I had diapers to buy and so many other baby things.

Life was changing against my will – and my liking for that matter. But I still tried so very hard to spend time with my single or childless friends so that I could maintain a sense of my old self.

I always called, I always texted, I always emailed, and I was able to go out and have those connections.

Fast forward and enter kid #2.

No one ever told me that having 2 kids would be so much more difficult (albeit a blessing).  In fact, I was told the opposite. It would be so much easier. But again, I am so damn tired, my nonexistent bank account is at a deficit and life again has changed.

This time it is so much harder to stay connected. I am so sad to say that my single friends are few and far between.

I know… ages and stages.

I am sad. I miss those friends so terribly much. I wish I could get a babysitter more often. I wish I could stay out past 11PM without being totally exhausted. I wish I hadn’t looked at my single friends’ Instagram accounts to see how much fun they were having without me. I miss those friends.

Ages and stages.

I have been replaced by other single friends who now party with my old friends. I feel empty.

When I step back and try to be objective, I realize that my single, non mama friends have actually been replaced too. I have been blessed with 2 little monkeys who sneak in my bed for a cuddle and for that I am blessed. I now often commiserate and hang out with the moms and dads who live on my street or that I have met at my kids’ schools.

This age and stage – although quite different than the good old days when I too was kidless – is in fact the best gift in the world.

I now feel full.